DISCOVER--the best of the bad British sex-coms
All these films are listed because they're either mildly amusing, funny for the wrong reasons, fascinating as pop cultural sociological period pieces, or feature attractive young women in various states of undress. They're also far more accurate representations of Britain in the 1970s than anything the social engineers at the BBC are able to show you. Do not, under any circumstances, try and watch them for a sexual thrill. That's what real sex films are for...
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- DirectorStanley A. LongStarsBarry EvansJudy GeesonAdrienne PostaJoe North is a cab driver in London, something that gives him many opportunities to have sex.First in a series of three which I've arranged chronologically for ease of reference within the alphabetical order... If you see what I mean. Callous and sexist, with an unlikeable lead, but it has its moments, and made a mint.
- DirectorStanley A. LongStarsChristopher NeilSuzy KendallHarry H. CorbettWhile a private detective is away on vacation, his not particularly bright assistant takes it upon himself to "solve" a case that comes in. Complications ensue.The best thing that happened to this series was having to replace the leading man from the first one. This is the best of the three, which believe me is not any kind of a recommendation.
- DirectorStanley A. LongStarsJonathan AdamsGraham AshleyNeville BarberHorny plumber, Sid, enjoys a profession which offers him ample opportunity to bed sexy housewives.Third and last of these Confessions rip-offs which never quite understood the formula, but still made money.
- DirectorVal GuestStarsAstrid FrankJohnny BriggsGabrielle DrakeFour sexy foreign girls come to England as au pairs, and quickly become quite intimate with their employers, host families, and everyone else they encounter.As with all films that divide themselves up into different stories, the results are variable--two unwatchable, one (with Astrid Frank) interesting as a period piece, the best featuring Richard O'Sullivan just prior to Man About the House and Gabrielle Drake of UFO.
- DirectorJim AtkinsonStarsJeremy BullochNeil HallettJill DamasBlundering idiot is set an ultimatum by his girlfriend. Keep a job for a week or she leaves him. Only innuendo and comedy pratfalls can stop him.A whining harridan will only marry her gormless boyfriend if he can hold a job for a week. Instead of being pleased about this (she's already sleeping with him and living with him), off he goes to make his life a misery on two counts. Sexual complications ensue everywhere he turns. A bad dream of a film. The 1970s really were another planet.
- DirectorGeorge Harrison MarksStarsIrene HandlAlfie BassGeorge Harrison MarksA health-resort where both the clients and the employees easily take their clothes off and have a little fun is the setting of this sex-comedy.The words have not been invented to explain or describe this film which, the last time I cared to check, was the most profitable British film ever made. It truly does have to be seen to be believed, and makes Ed Wood look normal in comparison.
- DirectorVal GuestStarsRobin AskwithAnthony BoothSheila WhiteAn optimistic and inept window cleaner fully 'satisfies' his customers, bed hopping from one unsatisfied housewife to another, until he meets a successful female police officer, who will have none of his sexual advances.Again, listed in sequence. Not the first sex-com, not by a long way, but the breakthrough one with the general audience. Unique for unequivocally promoting casual sex over love and marriage, the big NO in mainstream U.K. media at that time, and frankly, mostly since. Even among sex-coms, this was unheard of--inconceivable, in fact. Interestingly, no-one in the media noticed it... being above it, n' all.
- DirectorNorman CohenStarsRobin AskwithAnthony BoothBill MaynardThe continued erotic adventures of a British boy trying to make money and meet ladies, this time as the member of a pop band.I defy the snobbiest, phoniest film buff not to laugh when the hideous harridan Rita Webb storms up to the minivan looking for her groupie daughter and squawks "Have you seen my Fanny!?".
- DirectorNorman CohenStarsRobin AskwithAnthony BoothSheila WhiteThe sexual misadventures of Timothy Lea and his brother-in-law Sidney Noggett when they set up a driving school business.If you can get past the appalling acting, rampant homophobia and genuine unpleasantness of the two actors playing the straw man bad guys, this one's quite funny.
- DirectorNorman CohenStarsRobin AskwithAnthony BoothBill MaynardTimothy Lea finds work in a holiday camp, and is soon up to his usual sexy shenanigans when he organizes a beauty pageant.Dire. When the only funny scenes involve the family rather than the main theme, you know the franchise is dead. Students of pop sociology note the casual racism and hilarious ignorance about homosexuality. Filmed off-peak at a real dump, and quite fascinating. The last of the four.
- DirectorPete WalkerStarsRobin AskwithJanet LynnJess ConradA naive couple leave their small town for success in London's adult entertainment culture.Bleak slice-of-life stuff based on a real tale of woe from the vile and hypocritical tabloids. Underneath the too-loud soundtrack is an utterly authentic evocation of everything that was unpleasant about the early '70s.
- DirectorDavid HughesRay SelfeStarsAngie QuickJulie LeeJohn M. EastEmanuelle lives in London where almost everything in the realm of erotic is available. Her friend Kate becomes a nude revue show to help her husband pay the bills.Astonishingly, unbelievably, quite humorously bad, but every British girl who ever did Page Three or Electric Blue in the 1980s turns up for a naked name check for posterior... I mean posterity.
- DirectorGerry O'HaraStarsLisa FosterOliver ReedWilfrid Hyde-WhiteFrances is a naive young woman who arrives in London from the countryside. There she works in a brothel. Her charm and beauty make her highly coveted, but she falls in love with Charles, who loves her not only for her body.Actually yet another version of Fanny Hill, but unusually a non-hypocritical one that delivers. The last gasp of the British sex film before cheap straight-to-video completely did for it, this adaptation of Fanny Hill has a beautiful leading lady and a supporting cast of most of Britain's 1980s Electric Blue-schooled "glamour models". It's still no bloody good, but at least there's something to look at. Directed by Gerry O'Hara of The Bitch notoriety, who has no control over his actors, particularly the big name old timers hired for non-existent marquee value.
- DirectorClive DonnerStarsBarry EvansJudy GeesonAngela ScoularA high-school dropout, obsessed with sex, is determined to lose his virginity.Although no sex or nudity to speak of, this falsely advertised coming of age drama inaccurately marketed as swinging sex-com was nevertheless the inadvertent starting gun for the '70s shenanigans of Askwith, Evans, etc. (and also quite possibly the inspiration for On the Buses!).
- DirectorJoseph McGrathStarsBarry AndrewsJames BoothSally FaulknerVirginal nerd Jon Pigeon works in a peculiar sex research institute in which patients run about the corridors naked, nude aerobics are encouraged and where no man is safe from a crotch-grabbing old tea-lady. In order to seduce office secretary Cheryl, Pigeon invents a machine nicknamed Agnes which emits a 'sonic aphrodisiac' that can turn any man or woman into an over-lustful sex maniac. While his attempts to zap Cheryl end in disaster, Pigeon has some fun turning the 'sexy ray' on his bullying boss Nutbrown and clean-up campaigner Mary Watchtower.Cursed, like a lot of these films, with a director who didn't want to be there, this misses every single opportunity--a bit like our hero, who like all the sad sacks in these films with access to limitless women, is obsessed with pursuing one single dreary individual. And these are the best, remember...
- DirectorTudor GatesMartin CampbellStarsGeorge BakerMonika RingwaldJohn BensonA psychology teacher assigns his university class a project about personal fantasies.Unusual for featuring students instead of working class lads, if this film was ever seen outside Britain, it would have confirmed everything the rest of Europe thinks about the British and sex.
- DirectorCliff OwenStarsRonnie CorbettBeryl ReidArthur LoweA mistaken address causes a newlywed couple's apartment to fill up with mail-order Swiss porn... right before a visit by the wife's father, a bank president who happens to be the husband's new employer. From the Broadway play.No sex or nudity, but Ronnie Corbett and Arthur Lowe on top form with a script overseen by the Man About the House guys. Superb supporting cast includes Beryl Reid and many more familiar faces, including an unintentionally prophetic blink-and-miss cameo by Robin Askwith. Plotwise, youngsters need to know that hardcore porn was completely illegal in Britain in those days.
- DirectorWolf RillaJonathan DemmeStarsBrendan PriceKaren BoyesSteve PattersonA young man gets a job as a door-to-door salesman and tries to fight off advances from the female customers.Wouldn't you rather sell vacuum cleaners for a miserable old basket than act in sex films all day? And wouldn't you rather date one reluctant girl you can't find than go room to room in a boarding house filled with willing young dolly birds? If, like the "hero" of this film, you've answered yes to both those questions, then you too must be latently homosexual... (and that, in the bigot-heavy 1970s, must have been his secret, because he doesn't have any others).
- DirectorJohn SealeyStarsBarry StokesGay SoperSue LloydThe sexually frustrated women of Sodding Chipbury lead a humdrum existence, until Bob, the handsome new handyman, arrives in their picturesque village.The kindest thing that can be said about this film is that at least the protagonist doesn't run away from the sex, which is unusual for these sort of films. In keeping with tradition however, you still see all the things you don't want to, and few of the things you do. It's also indicative of attitudes in the 1970s that the writers think nothing of pointlessly giving our hero a pretty, loyal wife he can be serially unfaithful to.
- DirectorDerek FordStarsNicholas FieldFelicity DevonshireJohn Le MesurierWhen Dr. Robert "Sweeney" Todd arrives to fill his post at a new hospital, he is shocked to see the lengths that the nurses go to in caring for their patients. Of course Dr. Todd is no prude, and it isn't long before he's joining in on all the lusty, after-hours fun.A surprisingly entertaining sex-com (or perhaps I was just in a good mood), enhanced by the presence of Felicity Devonshire (that'd do it) and John Le Mesurier as her patient father. Some very, very, very old jokes are seen here back when they were in their adolescence.
Jon is not on Facebook, but can reply to comments here, at the base of this list.
Obsessed with the popular culture of the 1960s and surrounding decades, Jon Abbott has been writing about film and TV for over thirty years in around two dozen different publications, trade, populist, and specialist. He is the author of several books, including
Irwin Allen Television Productions 1964-1970,
Stephen J. Cannell Television Productions: A History of All Series and Pilots,
The Elvis Films,
Cool TV of the 1960s: Three Shows That Changed the World,
and Strange New World: Sex Films of the 1970s.
See his Amazon author's page, and his other lists on the IMDB, all under the pre-fix DISCOVER.