The absolute worst of 2013

Not just the worst movie this year, but one of the worst movie of all time. The Director inexplicably believes that torturing us through endless and random snippets which culminate in an incoherent mess, will somehow get us all enthused for his pseudo-intelligent, inarticulate, rambling style of narrative. The only flimsy piece of silver lining is the somewhat decent performances, which eventually get overlooked due to the horrendous quality and monumental failure of this film in every other department. James Franco, what were you thinking by associating yourself with this soporific, pretentious, heap of garbage.

Mediocre, mundane horror movie with a haunted house plot that has been done to death. Unlike some really good films or even mildly entertaining ones in this category, the derived plot lacks an interesting narrative or an eerie atmosphere, and just meanders down a predictable, dreary path.

Another insipid and rancid mash-up of everything thrown in for lack of a coherent plot device and an absence of basic common sense. That's it, I'm not going to waste any more of my precious time on writing a severely critical review on this pathetic excuse of a pseudo-masala entertainer, attempting for another dash-and-grab con job at the 100-crore jackpot.

A bland and dreary spy film minus all the spy work and intrigue. Can somebody please tell me what's all the fuss about?

It's M. Night Shyamlan, so what did you expect? But then again it was Will Smith, so there were moderate expectations. Alas, it was still M. Night Shyamlan, so it was silly of us to expect Will Smith to even try and overcome Mr. Shyamlan's inimitable expertise of foiling good concepts and anticipatory plot-lines.

The Good - RDJ is great as usual and is well supported by the remarkable Guy Pearce. Some, and only some one-liners hit the mark. The action and visual effects are a dazzling treat to behold. And that's the end of it. There is nothing else in this movie that is truly good to write home about.

The Bad - Where to even begin? This is one awful movie that shall take the studio a lot of soul-searching and fundamental reworking (irrespective of how much money this movie rakes in), in order to even attempt getting this great superhero franchise back on track. The direction is so shoddy that any recently passed, film school alumnus could have done a better job. The plot, characterization, story arc, and narration are simply all over the place and meander along a confounding, restless, and disoriented path.

Quite simply, one of the worst superhero movies ever, and a real blemish on the reputation of the classic 1st installment and the vastly superior 2nd installment.

Supposed to be a horror comedy. It ended up being a horribly unfunny excuse for a film. Seriously, what's happening to independent cinema nowadays. And to think that this atrocity had the gall to claim inspiration from the classic animated show "Scooby Doo, Where Are You!". Oh, the preposterous lengths of brazen shamelessness some people will go to, just to garner a bit of interest in their lackluster films.

One of the worst gangster films ever. What's bewildering is that the Director, producer, writer, editor, and basically the entire crew excluding the cast are all exactly the same. And going by the Director's and writer's track records, the prequel was certainly no fluke. Maybe just one of those films that just didn't work out right from the onset - probably an aberration on their resume. Finally to Mr. Akshay Kumar, why oh why do you do this time and time again? Follow up one quality film (in this case the spectacular "Special 26") with two to three turkeys (and I'm not even talking about box-office perfomance over here). I'm already beginning to shudder at what "Boss" is going to turn out like. Another thing that's finally put to rest with this film is the debate over Mr. Kumar's acting chops. He's proven many a time before that he's a good actor. But with this film he also proves that he's good, but not a great actor - because he simply doesn't seem convincing in the hard-hitting, serious portrayal of a real-life mafiosi (an act that a much junior actor like Emraan Hashmi pulled off with confidence, elan, and oodles of conviction). Guess, he should stick to lighter films like "Special 26" or action roles like the ones in "Khakee" and the "Khiladi" series.

The worst Disney movie of all time, barring none - period. A contrived, manipulative, and trite attempt at being cute, cuddly, and melodramatic. Even the songs (barring one; the superbly rendered "Let it Go" number) - a hallmark of the Disney bastion - seem arbitrary, superfluous, and wantonly composed for lack of a better plot element. There was a time when Disney could seamlessly pull off the sweet and endearing musical routine without trying too hard. But off late, their recent offerings (excluding the terrific "Wreck it Ralph") desperately seem to be making an effort to induce us into believing that their characters are all too warm, fuzzy and want to perpetually break out into a musical jig for want of a better option. Their last few efforts might have just passed enough muster to be seen, forgiven, and forgotten soon after. Frozen has however, lowered the bar several notches below those easily forgivable and forgettable Disney outings.

A mediocre, run-of-the-mill horror film, with a done-to-death plot, flimsy back-story, and completely derivative scare elements, which we can now conjure up ourselves even in a state of slumber. This weak endeavor at chilling our senses might have encountered some moderate success 10 to 15 years ago, but now with the gargantuan influx of myriad horror films that have flooded our cinema halls and DVD shelves, such a derivative film must at least be treated uniquely and the characters need to be given some depth to make it enjoyable for the viewers.

The first film was bizarre, but well executed and utterly delightful. The second film is even more bizarre (not in a good way), but poorly executed, shoddily scripted, thoroughly confounded at what it aims to be, and utterly soporific. Even kids beyond the age of eight, would find it tiresome to sit through this bland disappointment.

Classic case of a good plot being saddled by tedious pacing to the point of almost being totally soporific and degenerative to the story arc and development of the characters.

Excruciatingly bad, shoddily scripted, confusingly directed, disproportionately paced, and inanely shot. Disappointing turn from a promising Director (he did make "Red: & "Flightplan" too wasn't that bad). Even the great Jeff Bridges' inherent charisma couldn't save this monumental disaster of a film.

I agree that audiences shouldn't complain about an action movie's lack of plot or well-constructed story narrative. As long as it has a bunch of awesomely choreographed action sequences that are properly strung together with a comprehensible premise, the movie should suffice. Well, "Dhoom 3" doesn't even have decent action scenes, just slick looking jargon that completely defies logic or the laws of physics. Moreover, there isn't even a semblance of effort to piece them together; they are simply all over the place. And please, let's not even begin to scrounge for any vestiges of a comprehensible plot-line to follow. I can't believe I'm saying this, but yes, Uday Chopra is the only good part of the abysmal "Dhoom 3". He at least extracts the intermittent laugh, snicker, or mild guffaw from you. Just goes to show how the movie atrociously failed at all levels. This entry has in all probability rung the official death knell of a super-stylish and very entertaining Bollywood action franchise.

Sanjay Leela Bhansali is back to his pretentious, self-indulgent, pseudo-psychological best. Deepika as usual tries her level best but just about passes muster. What does the make the movie bearable to a certain extent are Supriya Pathak's and Ranveer Singh's sterling, rustic, Gujrati turnovers. Supriya Pathak gives ample proof why she's one of our industry's most underutilized prized performers. While Ranveer Singh displays oodles of unbridled confidence, silken chutzpah, inescapable charm, relatable earnestness, and raw emotions to convince us beyond doubt that here's a thoroughbred leading man come to entertain us for a long, long time. Unfortunately, "Ramleela" is a classic case of two superlative acts trapped in a very mediocre film.

Just another addition to that overflowing cesspool of inane indie zombie movies.

One of those weird independent horror movies that start of by promising a lot, but end up delivering very little. Sadly, we are getting too many of such horror films from the independent machine of late.

Scientific realism and detailed authenticity in a sci-fi film is more than welcome. Greater precedence to accurate scientific aspects in favor of fictitious elements is also acceptable. But, what is most definitely a glaring folly, is when a film-maker chooses to completely ignore the fiction portion of a sci-fi film. What we end up with is a soporific scientific documentary on space travel, which would have been interesting if it hadn't promised us an adventurous story along with it.

Totally unfunny, completely abrasive, & wholly abhorring. Even the affable performances from the two leads couldn't salvage this deplorable attempt at a feel-good comedy.

Loud, noisy, brainless, plot-less, anything goes kind of action movie. While the prequel was one of the most pure adrenaline-pumping, heart-pounding action films to emerge in recent times, this sequel is nothing but a damp squib. Even The Rock & Willis could not salvage this CGI laden mess irrespective of how hard they tried. Guess we now know why Tatum agreed to his character being bumped off within the 1st half hour itself.

What's worse than a bad film, a film that had great potential, only to be squandered in the hands of an incompetent Director and be rendered as a totally forgettable piece of hokum. In spite of Aayushmann's and Kunaal Roy Kapur's gallant efforts (let's not even begin to talk about the lead actress' performance), this is exactly the fate borne by the film - even though it has a good script - just because wannabe retro Director, Rohan Sippy, cannot tap into his own perspective, and helms yet another failed endeavor (his previous duds include 'Kuch Naa Kaho', 'Bluffmaster', & the terrible 'Dum Maaro Dum') at delivering a cool, retrospective movie. Jr. Sippy has to finally realize that he just cannot make films like his illustrious Dad, & its high time he carves his own niche. Up until now, all he's been doing is failing miserably at trying to recreate the great 70's & 80's cinematic accomplishments of his father.

Surprisingly bad considering the combined talents of one of cinema's greatest Directors -Ridley Scott - and one Hollywood's preeminent scriptwriters - Cormac McCarthy being involved in the same project. The ambition is markedly evident right from the onset. But alas, "The Counselor" is an inarticulately plotted, shoddily scripted, tediously paced, and poorly executed excuse for a ensemble crime drama. A sheer waste of the gifted star cast and one of Sir Ridley's least creative and unimaginably abysmal films.

There is a limit to being "over the top". Sadly, "Besharam" shoots itself in the foot by surpassing that limit, someway midway through the film. This one just about misses the bus.