The Not Quite Halloween Horror List of 2021
A new year, a new Halloween. Only, these didn't quite make it yet. To explain their rating a bit, if a movie is so bad that its on the verge of being painful, it would fall somewhere within the 1-3 range. The 4-6 range is for movies that are not good but still watchable to good movies that have left little long lasting impression. 7-10 are movies I enjoyed to love.
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- DirectorDarren AronofskyStarsSean GulletteMark MargolisBen ShenkmanA paranoid mathematician searches for a key number that will unlock the universal patterns found in nature.Through 90% of this movie, I had no clue what was happening. And I still enjoyed it. There is a lot of talk about the Golden Rectangle and the Golden Spiral, I never really was a great math student, but what made this movie work was its art design. Done in HEAVILY saturated black and white, it has a very ethereal quality that makes everything pop like nobodies business. And the tone is very reminiscent of Eraserhead, get ready to see some real skin crawling stuff that makes no damn sense. Only thing is, it wasn't until the movie was just about over that I realized what the stakes were. And that is a bit of a problem as he allies and is then double crossed by people for reasons I am not yet privy to. Unless you are a numerologist or some other form of mathmagician, this may be better for someone more willing to shut their mind off and go for a wild ride.
- DirectorWilliam EubankStarsKristen StewartVincent CasselMamoudou AthieA crew of oceanic researchers working for a deep sea drilling company try to get to safety after a mysterious earthquake devastates their deepwater research and drilling facility located at the bottom of the Mariana Trench.This was pretty bad. I had heard mixed opinions but now I have to really side with the negative. Its very much like Alien, only nowhere near as good. In Alien, the characters acted very much like they were a crew working with each other for some time, and were more or less veterans. The crew here may have just met, they know next to nothing about each other or what they actually do. And there was one exchange that really drove that home. When one discounts his knowledge of what is going on with "I just watch anime," and is then responded to with "You watch anime, too?" One woman can't do the deep walk because she never did that before, which left me wondering, how the hell did she get here? Like physically, how was she there? I felt nothing for any of these characters, mostly because I was never introduced to any of them. The movie skips character building to have the crisis, then tries to convince you of how good these characters are after they're already dead. Except the survivors, who they never bothered to develop at all. This was just bad. Watch Alien.
- DirectorMarc CarretéStarsJulius CotterLiliana CabalJoe ManjónA journalist experiences a terrifying Alien abduction, when researching an extraterrestrial encounter in an old war shelter.Where do I begin? When you direct, write, and produce your own movie, there is really no one to blame but yourself. The basic idea is sound and I a can see what he intended. The trailer even made it sound very interesting without giving away much of anything. The problem is this movie devolves quick and hard. There isn't much more in the way of suspense and what does pass as it is quickly disarmed by the acting. The actors are mediocre. Its not entirely their fault, the written dialogue is just awful, but they still deserve blame for their terrible facials that kill the scenes even more. There is no rhyme or reason to the stories progression, they just kind of hop from one location to the next because its there or through sheer coincidence. The alien doesn't hold up either. Its very cheep CGI and its painfully obvious the actors aren't really reacting to something that's there. In general, its a pretty poor movie. Not quite painful but certainly disappointing.
- DirectorScott Di LallaStarsKelly McLarenCourtney FoxworthyDemetrius SagerOn Halloween night, five teens decide to liven up their party with some innocent fun: by summoning the spirits.There was a demon in this, right? Zozo is a real thing, as far as accounts of demonic entities go, dating back to Tibetan demonology in the 18th century. It became associated with Ouiji boards in 2009 by a guy who read about it from Le Dictionnaire Infernal, a compilation of demonic possession accounts written in 1818. And since then, there was a ton of rigmarole pertaining to and this movie is just intolerably boring. They spend a great deal of time dedicate to the supposed signs of the demon's presence and how the Ouiji board works and its not nearly as scary or interesting as you would think. The acting is sub par and the writing is either an exposition dump or inane drivel. The demon is invisible through out the movie but what makes it truly awful is that it has no presence whatsoever. Even in the 'rape' scene, its entirely obvious that there is nothing actually going on and they are shooting the actress from the chin up to hide the fact they have nothing to make it look like she is being attacked. The only horror to this movie is the music, which is either inappropriate for a horror movie or made from the melodious screams of cat being drowned. Fair to say, this was in the painfully terrible category.
- DirectorBrick BronskyStarsBrick BronskyJeff SibbachTom TaylorAfter accidentally killing an opponent in the ring, a professional wrestler takes a job at a group home for youth offenders. But when a psychopath wearing a wrestling mask begins butchering the teenage residents, their rehabilitation will become a no-holds-barred battle for survival. Starring Brick Bronsky (WWE), Jeff Sibbach (WCW, NWA), Doug 'Flex' Yasinsky (ECW), and F/X master Glenn Hetrick.A movie about a pro wrestler serial killer, acted by pro wrestlers. Its not great but not bad. The movie was released in 2019, but it was filmed in 1994, so it doesn't look particularly great. A mix of standard def video and the early 90s fashion really date it. The acting is not good either, and it isn't because of the wrestlers either. The 40 year old teenagers are hammy, but not enough to be really entertaining. Doug Flex does passable, and if your a fan of Troma, Brick Bronsky is still a plus. The hook that the killer uses wrestling to kill people is pretty good but some of the time its hard to tell what is happening because of the camera work. The bear hug death in particular just shows the killer's head. For how low budget the movie is, the action isn't bad as the actor does have some martial arts background. Its no Game of Death but its alright. Honestly, this movie is average at best, even for B movies, but coming off I Am Zozo, it may as well be Citizen Cain.
- DirectorDavid BrucknerDan BushJacob GentryStarsAnessa RamseyJustin WelbornScott PoythressA horror film told in three parts, from three perspectives, in which a mysterious transmission that turns people into killers invades every cell phone, radio, and television.This was an interesting anthology in that it tells a single story. An interesting concept marred by a lack of budget and a need for some ab crunches. 50,000 is a tight budget but the first story/chapter manages to spend it well. As soon as everything starts going south, it has a great sense of confusion and paranoia. And while I preferred the first, the third does manage to wrap it up, albeit with an open ending, with some clever ideas. But the middle tries to play a dark horror comedy and its just awful. Its a complete reversal in tone to the other two and to make it worse, its simply not funny. It seems to mistaken insanity with stupidity as no one acts like a rational human being. There is no straight man to work off of so it turns into a village idiot contest.
- DirectorMichael ChavesStarsLinda CardelliniRaymond CruzPatricia VelasquezIgnoring the eerie warning of a troubled mother suspected of child endangerment, a social worker and her own small kids are soon drawn into a frightening supernatural realm.And the Conjuring decline continues. A bad take on a Mexican boogieman tale, its just everything wrong with "ethnic" Hollywood movies. Need someone to be foreign, make them speak another language. But how will anyone know what they are saying? Have them repeat the line again, but in English. Nobody knows the source material being used except this fraction of a demographic? We'll paint it as exceedingly common within the community until its a stereotype. But these are all trivial matters when you sit through two thirds of the move and only then does it actually start. The first two thirds is nothing but padding as the ghost pops up to do something, and no one tells anyone what just happened. The characters speak so vaguely in this movie, they should all be politicians. They never say anything that can't and will be interpreted incorrectly, requiring saintly patience from the audience to get things started. I knew this movie was bad. And I watched it anyway. I have no one to blame but myself.
- DirectorWilliam T. NaudStarsMarie-Alise RecasnerRick DeanRon GardnerA group of actors are assembled in a small island to film a low-budget movie. Soon, they begin to fall prey to a mysterious killer who uses the lyrics of a weird song to determine his method of murder.I never intended to like this movie so much. This is some of the worst acting I've seen in years and most of the movie is too dark to actually see anything. A lot of the movie feels like it was made on a lark. But it somehow manages to come together with some entertaining deaths and a catchy gimmick. I love the song that the killer plays during each of his murders describing each murder to them before it happens. You'd think they would use that more in the writing but unfortunately not. The burn me deaths stand out, even if they are pretty much the same effect, because of how brutal they are. The movie is also pretty funny, though the timing is so perfect at times, I don't know if its intentional or not. This movie has a lower bar for being the low budget movie it is, but among the B movies its very good.
- DirectorDean AliotoStarsTommy GiavocchiniPatrick KelleyShirly McCallaOn a typical fall evening in 1983, a young man was videotaping his niece's 5th birthday party. As the night's strange occurrences took place, he kept his video camera running, recording the entire event.So this is a bit confusing. I saw this a while ago and remember it being really unnerving. The scene where the cameraman is frozen while the alien examines the camera and when the woman gets hit with a laser gave me goosebumps. So imagine my surprise when I showed it to someone else when none of that happened. In fact, while familiar, everything seemed off. Well, that was because back then, I had stumbled on the remake from 1998 and had shown them the 1989 original. And that may be what hurt this movie, as the remake does everything better and more. The aliens weren't as convincing, this was a no budget shot on VHS movie, and really, just track down the remake.
- DirectorLouis MalleStarsCathryn HarrisonTherese GiehseAlexandra StewartTo escape a gender war, a girl flees to a remote farmhouse and becomes part of an extensive family's unusual, perhaps even supernatural, lifestyle.Well this was a slog. This is a dark fantasy film and French, I don't know why I was expecting otherwise. The plot is nonsense, just an excuse but for what I don't quite know. Things just seem to happen and I was in for a ride. Only, its Mr. Bones Wild Ride, devoid of anything thrilling or scary, and I was strapped in damn it. Set in a war between men and women, a premise so stupid it can be mistaken for modern day politics, and with enough naked children I can only assume it was shot in a certain location, the lead is kind of an idiot. She disguises herself as a man, which is code for she put on a hat and didn't even bother cutting her hair, is harassed by sheep, falls off a ladder, and nobody wants to talk to her. I ended up watching it in either Italian or Spanish which I'm admittedly not 100% fluent in, but I got the gist of it.
- DirectorLeslie MegaheyStarsJeremy ClydeMaurice DenhamCheryl KennedyCan Schalcken save his love, Rose, from the clutches of a ghastly suitor before it is too late?I have a very troublesome history trying to find this movie. One that spans a couple years and Halloweens. So when I found it this time, I figured it best not to wait. This was great. Maybe a little overly theatrical at times, but overall, this was a fantastic made for TV movie. While not scary by most modern standards, the more novel format makes for a very cozy experience, like being read A Christmas Carol in bed. The way that they work the paintings of Schalcken into the narrative does well to convey his state of mind during the periods of time in his life. This was well worth the wait and headache.
- DirectorDeborah BrockStarsCrystal BernardJennifer RhodesKimberly McArthurCourtney Bates, the younger sister of Valerie, and her friends go to a condo for a weekend getaway, but Courtney can't get rid of the haunting feeling that a supernatural rockabilly driller killer is coming to murder them all.Wow, this movie starts pretty meh. The action doesn't really start until the final act. It's slow and to be frank, kind of boring. I got some chuckles at some of the facial expressions one of the guys would make, but the build feels to stall. Then the Driller Killer finally shows up and the movie does a complete 180. He makes small appearances earlier that are entertaining but when he is actually in the movie, he just chews up every scene he's in and is just amazing. Its like the movie has abandoned all pretenses of being a serious slasher and just went hog wild on the rockabilly aspect. And the guitar drill is beautiful, a work of art that belongs in a museum. If the movie made that jump sooner, it might actually have been one of my favorite movies ever.
- DirectorFrank HenenlotterStarsRick HearstGordon MacDonaldJennifer LowryOne morning, a young man wakes to find that a small, disgusting creature has attached itself to the base of his brain stem. The creature gives him a euphoric state of happiness but demands human victims in return.This is not a subtle movie. Its about addiction and beats that point home with a hammer. And that is actually good because it is so blunt. They don't get clever with it, its literally this stuff makes you feel good and it messes your life up royal, hurting everyone you love, and ultimately it is going to kill you. And on top of that, that is Zacharley! The horror movie host out of New York for those who don't know, and he kills his role as Aylmer. Just hearing him say "juice," it really makes your skin crawl. He is so wicked as the parasitic drug, he really feels like an irresistible compulsion to ruin yourself. And Rick Hearst is no slouch either. He really plays the role of the addict incredibly well, struggling fruitlessly for control only to find they aren't strong enough. I very much recommend this movie.
- DirectorMardi RustamStarsNeville BrandAldo RayTina LouiseVacationing teens are systematically kidnapped and taken to a strange, rural hospital, run by a mysterious group that needs their blood.Now admittedly, I rate movies to scale. I don't expect as much from a no budget B movie than I do a blockbuster and take that into account when I rate them. This movie was just boring. For the majority of the run, nothing happens. People are kidnapped and are maybe given to the aliens, or not as there seems to be no rhyme or reason as to when the transaction takes place. On a couple occasions, I thought the teens were captured at the hospital, only to then be tied up at the gas station. The evil attendants are terrible at their job and most of the deaths are boring, with the exception of two. Its watchable but about an hour in, you start to feel ts wearing out its welcome. Though I will be remiss, sorry Heather, but you are far, far too old for Prince Andrew.
- DirectorBrian YuznaStarsJeffrey CombsTommy Dean MussetJason BarryAfter 13 years in prison, the mad scientist from Re-Animator (1985) gets a new chance to experiment with the arrival of a young prison doctor, who secretly hopes to learn to reanimate dead people. Good intentions turn to horror.I was told this wasn't great because of lack of funding, but I disagree. The writing is the bigger offender here. Its one of those movies where you can tell that for the guy writing it, English is not their native language. Its not wrong per say, but there is something in the dialogue that just isn't quite right. That isn't to say that it isn't entirely doable. An actor with enough chops can deliver them. But unfortunately the list begins and ends with Jeffrey Combs. But its a watchable movie still. Its budget certainly shows but it isn't a complete travesty and they try to get the gory spectacle of the previous movies. And to their credit they didn't resort to cheap and crappy CGI. It is certainly the weakest of the Re-Animators however.
- DirectorRobert ScottStarsMichael St. MichaelsThaddeus GolasDouglass BellA family takes delivery of a new television set, unaware that it is the gateway by which killer zombies enter the world.Another video store classic though I confess I never actually saw it in mine. Which is a shame as it does have some pretty cool box art. And cosmetics are what I have to say is the strong point to this movie. It looks really good. Yes its obvious there is no screen that the zombies are crawling out of, but they look very good with such a limited budget. And on top of that, they are all very unique. While there is no actual backstory about them in the movie, you can pick up little tidbits of one just by their portrayal. Its a shame the quality doesn't carry over to the actors with actual speaking rolls. To call them subpar is possibly the understatement of the year. The end result is alright though. Maybe a little better than average but not quite in that area where I would recommend it to everyone.
- DirectorPeter NewbrookStarsRobert PowellRobert StephensJane LapotaireEnglish country squire Sir Hugo Cunningham searches for immortality by literally 'bottling up' the Spirit of the Dead, or Asphyx.This was a movie I became interested in after seeing a classic trailer and saw the ghost. Little did I expect that this would be a very good reimagining of the legend of the Wandering Jew. The Christian overtones help drive this even further, both as an excuse to trespass where man was not meant to go and as divine punishment for doing so. By capturing one's asphyx and sealing the ghostly manifestation away, one can attain immortality, for whatever that may entail. And the asphyx looks great. Using a similar method used to create the ghosts in Ghostbusters, it looks like a wretched, tortured thing whose pained wails really get under your skin. The same can't be said about all the effects however, as the old man mask at the end of the movie is simply awful. This turned out to have been a pretty good time, had I found it later and knew more on how long Kanopy streams their movies for, I'd have saved it for Halloween.
- DirectorMichael MannStarsScott GlennIan McKellenAlberta WatsonNazis are forced to turn to a Jewish historian for help in battling the ancient demon they have inadvertently freed from its prison.this was much weaker than I suspected it to be. Michael Mann knows how to make the scenes look kind of nice but that's kind of it. And even then, they're still incomprehensible. Either its the backlighting swallowing up the characters or no lighting at all, whenever something seems to be happening, rest assured you will understand none of it. And this carries over to the writing as well. It doesn't seem to matter what the characters are saying, there is no telling how any conversation will take a turn. The confrontation with the priest especially had me dumbstruck at how fast it escalated. then there are the little details like the one character casting no reflection and the priest going mad. There is no pay off to any of them, or even a coherent explanation. Now these aren't major inconsistencies but there sure are a lot of them. In spite of these criticisms, its not an awful movie. As I said, there are some brief moments where the cinematography shines and they are just enough to carry the film to its conclusion. Maybe saying its a bit sub par is a good description.
- DirectorJamie BlanksStarsJared LetoAlicia WittRebecca GayheartA college student suspects a series of bizarre deaths are connected to certain urban legends.A movie inspired by Scream to its detriment and at the time did little to stand out amongst the imitators. But as its own film, its not that bad. The gimmick is unoriginal, urban legends are the horror film's non union Mexican equivalent, but they do make for a worthy place to start a film. While the 90s griminess is very in your face at the beginning, it does balance out as you become more acclimated to it. But the number of references is off putting, and kind of feeds into the criticism that the movie is painfully unoriginal. And the killer, Ghostface is a recognizable villain even today. The Urban Legends killer is a bloke in a fur lined winter jacket. A fur lined winter jacket that everyone in the world has on campus. In what looks like 110 degree heat. This makes it interesting because of the number of red herrings, but it is still pretty ridiculous. This movie is on the upper end of being average. Its done well enough but it doesn't stand out in a crowd.
- DirectorLarry HagmanStarsRobert Walker Jr.Gwynne GilfordRichard StahlA technician brings a frozen specimen of the original Blob back from the North Pole. When his wife accidentally defrosts the thing, it terrorizes the populace, including the local hippies, kittens, and bowlers.Will all y'all please shut the hell up!? Much of this movie was improvised and boy does it show. Dialogue is often incoherent rambling and the actors are frequently stepping on each other's lines. There are some really big names in here, for five minutes, and nothing could have been gotten out of any of them. The comedy is bad, feeling both very dated and probably not even that funny at the time. Which is a shame, as the blob itself looks good. Not as good as the 80s remake but better than the 50s original. And the bowling alley set was great. But that still doesn't make this a good movie, just slightly more tolerable.
- DirectorChris W. FreemanStarsNicholas GonzalezSean CarriganStevie Lynn JonesParanormal investigator Felix Fojas arrives in a sleepy Midwest town to investigate the mysterious loss of his old lover, Amanda, and reconcile sins of the past. While investigating he finds connections to several local girls. Now Felix must battle the forces of evil and unravel the mysterious events plaguing this small town in order to save Amanda's daughter, Sarah and her soul.I think the biggest problem with this movie is that it never quite clicks. There was an attempt but nothing was really compelling. I couldn't bring myself to care for the characters. I couldn't take the monster seriously. I just kind of sat there, struggling to keep my brain from shutting off. It doesn't help that the folklore the movie is based on has absolutely no roots, heh, in the region where the movie takes place. The monster is too obscure, and it doesn't help that it isn't explained until late in the movie. Its lackluster. There is no better way to describe it.
- DirectorDon Michael PaulStarsMichael GrossJon HederRichard BrakeWhen a group of hunters genetically modify Graboid eggs, they face an all-out war against the larger, terrifyingly intelligent Graboids, and the swiftly multiplying Shriekers.Its far better than the series low point at number 3. Its still far from its high point at the first movie. The Tremors franchise has a rocky history starting out strong, cratering at its third outing and then pretty much flatlining in mediocrity. The CGI is alright this time around and the shriekers look good, but its still has that same problem of being not quite real. This is especially evident with the CGI globs of viscera which look out of place and don't interact with anything. The deaths aren't anything special and the characters are just Burt Gummer and who the hell cares. There is nothing really left to this series. The African variant, the prehistoric variant, and now the GMO; the franchise ran its course with the second movie and has been left in a vegetative after 3.
- DirectorFrank LaLoggiaStarsLukas HaasLen CariouAlex RoccoAn author tells the story of how, as a young boy growing up in a 1960s small town, he was haunted after witnessing the murder of a little girl.Its a little old but still good. This movie may be the most traumatic representation of a child murder put to film. When the ghost girl reenacts her own death, it actually gets to you even more so than Pennywise biting off a kid's arm. And a lot of this has to do with how good the young actress played the scene. The rest of the movie never quite reaches that point again, but still maintains a good suspense throughout. The ghost effects are very dated, particularly the lady in white's gown lifting before she throws herself over the cliff, but there is some very consistent writing in the main plot. Perhaps too much as the story branches off into a secondary story pertaining to racism, and its still very well told, but has absolutely nothing to do with anything else. It doesn't tie back to the kid nor does it influence the father in the end, it just wraps itself up and is never talked about again. Which is a shame. There is also an issue where maybe what you can do isn't what you should do, as the ending of the movie has a special effect scene that feels radically out of place. And on top of that, seeing everyone around the burning house not doing anything, especially when there may be someone still in there, and now that I think of it that kind of is a flaw with the movie. Quite a bit of time passes, you'd think that matters would be handled during the time lapse, but that would interfere too much with the side story. Look, the movie works. Try not to overthink it.
- DirectorRobert WieneStarsBruno DecarliBernhard GoetzkeHermann PichaAfter years travelling the world, Count Greven returns home with the art treasures he has collected. But his disposition has altered dramatically and he is a troubled man. Will he suffer alone or can he be helped and freed from this malady?Its hard to really write about silent movies. Its difficult to differentiate performances as the technique is so exaggerated. And Bruno Decarli is not an exception. But I was surprised by Conrad Veidt was however. Playing the Buddhist that haunts the Count, his portrayal was very muted which in turn makes him stand out even further. Paranoia plays a key role in the film, which makes the film very interpretive. The Count is very manic in his portrayal, helping drive home the unreliability of the narration. As far as silent movies go, its good. Not a standout movie for Veidt like The Hands or Orlac or The Cabinet of Dr Caligari. Maybe it would benefit from a more modern version like Mad Love was for Orlac.
- DirectorDean AliotoStarsRyan MerrimanJamie TisdaleMyk WatfordWhen an ambitious ghost hunter performs a risky ritual, opening a portal to "the other side," he and his team quickly find themselves way in over their heads in a fight for survival against an ancient demonic force.I was wondering what the guy behind The McPherson Tape was up to. The answer is not much. Its not that its poorly written, so much as it really was ill conceived. Like, every take, you wonder if that was really the best take. It feels like there isn't one direction that actors are working towards and none of them are able to read the room. The native American talks in a foreboding manner, than his sister sarcastically tells the story of how she killed her father, and it throws the tone of the scene into utter chaos. Ultimately, it makes it so you can't take anything seriously. Then there are the events that sound scary on paper but are ridiculous in execution, like locking a door only to immediately hear the possessed girl dive head first through a window in the next room. Look, this is bad. But I did laugh so I'll give it a little more leniency than it probably deserves.
- DirectorKôji ShiraishiStarsKotoha HiroyamaHiroaki KawatsureShigeo ÔsakoA doctor kidnaps a young couple and forces them into a game of torment that slowly extinguishes their hopes for survival.The director of the only found footage I like, Noroi, does another horror genre I don't like, torture porn. I still don't like it. I don't oppose gore in general but when that is the only thing the movie has, its just uncomfortable. Which is what the movie was going for and its camera work does well to emphasize it, but I personally just get sick of it. Coupled with the nihilistic ending, I was bound to have a bad time. There is competence here, the camera work is good and the gore is very well done. If you are a fan of just torture for an hour straight, go ahead, but its not going to make any new fans.
- DirectorIn-chun OhStarsKim So-eunKim Jeong-taeHye-Rin HanA teenager, with the ability to see ghosts, returns to his hometown to face his demons.The equivalent of a young adult novel, it could be worse. Its a very soft horror movie in spite of some of the box art. There isn't much in the way of scary scenes as its more of a venue to discuss school bullying. Kind of like 13 Reasons Why without the melodrama and being accidentally the funniest story put to film. There are humorous scenes but they are entirely intentional and usually involve his shut in uncle and resident not-so-evil spirit. And the two of them are great. As a horror movie this is a bust but as a YA novel it could be far worse.
- DirectorRené CardonaStarsMaura MontiRoberto CañedoHéctor GodoyBatwoman is called to investigate a whacked-out scientist who is capturing wrestlers and using their spinal fluid to create a Gill Man.Enjoyable schlock is the best way to describe this. This movie is laughable at times. When they claim a car is coming and proceed to gradually get into their cars and slowly drive off with never a car showing up. When the villains get the drop on Batwoman as she discreetly squats in the middle of an empty hallway to peep through a keyhole. Or when she keeps the monster at bay with a flare underwater, which proves far less impressive than you would imagine. And the monster is by no means the Creature from the Black Lagoon, its clunky and constantly giving off bubbles from its concealed scuba tank. And that the creature is made by combining a fish with an action figure, I can go on forever. As a lucha movie, you'll be astounded by the lack of wrestling. Mainly because the lead actress isn't a luchadora herself and has an obvious stand in during the moments she does wrestle. But she looks good in a bikini. Its a cheesy B movie not to be taken seriously and it manages to entertain, even if it is by no means scary.
- DirectorDario ArgentoStarsJennifer ConnellyDonald PleasenceDaria NicolodiA young girl who has an amazing ability to communicate with insects is transferred to an exclusive Swiss boarding school, where her unusual capability might help solve a string of murders.I'm not especially fond of Italian horror and Argento has burned me before, but this wasn't bad. not something I would put in my favorites but a good outing. There are some good gory kills like the spear through the mouth scene and the girl being stabbed in the hand, which were unfortunately not in the theatrical cut but were fortunately put back in. It still has that problem of accents as they don't necessarily line up, like the Italian woman playing the Swiss boarding school mistress. I liked the monster effects which gave me a Funhouse vibe but done much better. And the use of insects were actually well done in spite that it sounds a bit hokey. Talking to them sound like a stupid super power but seeing them swarm the killer actually looks really good. But the length is a bit much. At nearly two hours, I felt that it could have used some tightening up and trim 20 minutes in the second act. One of Argento's better movies, its no wonder its also one of his favorites.
- DirectorDick MaasStarsHuub StapelWilleke van AmmelrooyJosine van DalsumA lift technician finds himself drawn into a web of mystery and peril as he investigates the perplexing deadly accidents occurring in the elevators of a new office building.A killer elevator, who could have guessed this movie wouldn't be a goofy mess. First thing to get off the bat, I watched this dubbed and the English VAs are bad. Like an audio book narrated by Stephen Hawking bad. But what it lacks in human emotions, it does make all the dialogue very clear. Now you may say that there are only so many ways an elevator can kill someone. And you would be right, they made the kill count rather small and they still manage to repeat some of them. But that doesn't mean that its any less traumatic when it is implied that the elevator is going to decapitate a little girl like it did a security guard earlier. The story is very active which helps with an otherwise ridiculous premise, not letting you have time to think that an elevator obtained human intelligence and a taste for murder. Its a good movie in all and now I'm a little intrigued with seeing the American remake.
- DirectorPiraphan LaoyontThodsapol SiriwiwatStarsChon WachananonWichan JarujindaChidjan RujiphunA group of sexy nurses who harvest organs are haunted by the vengeful spirit of one of their dead patients.A forgettable gory movie. The Thai movie has some scary ideas that don't pan out. There isn't so much blood in this as there is a lot of red water, like if Dead Alive didn't have the blood budget. The characters aren't particularly well handled, while the actual body images they have are well thought up and play into their deaths, the structure of the movie doesn't make it easy to root for anyone. They're stealing organs, they aren't meant to be approved of, but the ghost's backstory isn't explained until the tail end so its hard to have interest in her either. The deaths are gruesome on paper but only one really plays out in a way that isn't silly. The big reveal at the end isn't even all that interesting as it isn't as shocking in its reveal. Ultimately, this is a movie that is neither good or bad and nothing to be remembered.
- DirectorVincent RobertStarsEddie BowzHeather MedwayAnn TurkelA group of college seniors spending a weekend at a cottage for a psychological experiment called "fear therapy" find a human-sized wooden figure called Morty, which triggers everyone's deepest and darkest secrets and emotions.The scenery looks nice. And the mannequin looks creepy when it isn't seen moving. And that's the end of the positives. The script is a wreck, the characters are one dimensional, and the twist, I had long forgotten the opening scene and wasn't going to refresh my memory any time soon. The deaths incomprehensibly bad, none have any impact and half the time you're left wondering when did that happen. The deaths are disappointing to say the least, like suddenly being aged or bopped on the head a couple times with a trap door. The real issue is how many plot points are going on, from an incestuous relationship involving not Paulie Shore, embezzled money, rape ninjas, none of which are going to get any screen time nor will they be recalled ever again. The suit for Morty doesn't look too bad until he starts moving, then the rubber starts scrunching up and ruins the whole wooden doll aesthetic. The Fear is why Vincent Robert is better served as a location manager than a director.
- 19571h 6mApproved3.4 (1.6K)DirectorRoger CormanStarsAbby DaltonSusan CabotBradford JacksonA group of lonely Viking women build a ship and set off across the sea to locate their missing menfolk, only to fall into the clutches of the barbarians that also hold their men captive. There is a cameo appearance by the sea serpent.At an hour and change, this movie's title is longer than it. This movie is dirt cheap. From the props to the acting, Coreman didn't spend a dime on this movie. The boat tentatively floats, the monster is a sock puppet and the armor is a t-shirt with scale male drawn on with magic marker. The acting is sub par, everyone doing the Neanderthal talk, and then there is Johnathon Haze. His introduction may be the height and the depth of this movie, screaming and weeping like a little girl, nothing like the evil warlord's son as they script him as. You'd think this would play a role in the story in some way. Then you have never seen a Roger Coreman movie, there are no character arcs here. Its a cheesy, no budget B movie but its an hour long and moves along brisk enough to be entertaining if you like cheesy, no budget B movies.
- DirectorJohn LechagoStarsTania FoxVince CusimanoGriffin BlaziIn 1945 a psychic war journalist gains a telekinetic link to a murderous puppet and uses its help to sabotage a top secret Nazi experiment that involves using a Death Ray to transform people into zombies.The definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over... Puppetmaster is a series I hold dear but its really showing rot in the wood. Their first streamed movie hits all the notes we've seen before, the puppets are brought back to fend off NAZIs. Only, this time its just Blade. He looks alright. The acting is the usual Full Moon quality, just a little better than Troma. But really, its tired. Hopefully Dr Death's one off will fare better. Hopefully we can finally leave WWII.
- DirectorMichael LaughlinStarsPaul Le MatNancy AllenDiana ScarwidAlien beings, who settle in a small midwestern town, are disturbed by a young professor determined to rescue his daughter from their clutches.A trilogy that never was, I stumbled on this movie by complete accident just looking for some back ground noise. Little did I think anything about it until I looked up and saw an alien implode a little boy. Needless to say, I had to start this over from the beginning. I got some strong Steven King vibes from the plot, albeit on a budget. The aliens look great, the spaceship could use some work, and the deflation scenes are top notch. The only problems were one actress and some of the pacing. There were times where I just started to laughing because of bad timing. Its a shame that this movie was so unsuccessful as its homage to the alien invasion movies of the 50s was very good. It was a solid movie that just failed to perform.
- DirectorBarry LevinsonStarsDustin HoffmanSharon StoneSamuel L. JacksonA spaceship is discovered under three hundred years' worth of coral growth at the bottom of the ocean.You know what really kills a death scene? Intermittently cutting to a character not giving a damn. I want to say that this was the making of a good movie. It just never actually does anything. There are moments where it looks like there is some conflict between the characters, but then nothing comes of any of it. Then there are the nonsensical scenes like Norman being accused as to why they can't return to the surface when it was obviously Harry's fault or that they misnamed the alien for seemingly no reason at all. The effects were good though. The jellyfish scene and the encroaching giant squid, which shows how dated the movie is as they don't believe such an animal exists, dropping its eggs all around them make for some great claustrophobic scenes. In the end, I think that this is better than how it was reviewed, but it still feels empty and unfinished.
- DirectorPaul LynchStarsLeslie NielsenJamie Lee CurtisCasey StevensAt a high-school senior prom, a masked killer stalks four teenagers who were responsible for the accidental death of a classmate six years previously.Competent is the best way to describe this movie. There isn't much to make it a must see. For a slasher, its not particularly gruesome. There is a decapitation but the rest of the kills are slightly out of view. They blew up a pretty nice van though, not a hunk of junk they got from a scrap yard. Nor are the characters that memorable, I kept confusing three of the girls and two of them were in direct conflict with each other. But what it does have is a pretty solid cast. You can't go wrong with Jamie Lee Curtis and Leslie Nielson. And the mystery is pretty good as well. There are enough red herrings to obfuscate an otherwise obvious killer's identity. Even if they aren't explicitly accused, you get a weird enough feeling from them that you want to keep an eye on them. Its an early slasher before they really started to find their groove but still manages to provide an entertaining watch.
- DirectorJi-hoon KimStarsHa Ji-WonAhn Sung-kiOh Ji-hoA crew, drilling offshore for oil south of Jeju island, finds a lethal alien life form instead.OSHA would see these working conditions and break out into a cold sweat. Every day working on this oil rig would be suicide, if it didn't look so fake. The whole movie was done in green screen and damn it, it shows. Everything looks plastic, from the metal pipes to the monster, and lacks any presence. The monster is passable at best, but its very inconsistent. At times I assumed it was blind and it seems to develop new traits as it goes along. And it shows itself far too often. That isn't to say the movie lacks positives. The acting is alright and there were story ideas I was really intrigued by. But they were dropped for the monster and resolved very poorly. This might make an entertaining action movie if you don't mind its Playstation aesthetic, but not a great horror movie.
- DirectorJames WatkinsStarsKelly ReillyMichael FassbenderTara EllisRefusing to let anything spoil their romantic weekend break, a young couple confront a gang of loutish youths with terrifyingly brutal consequences.Well, this was a downer. The movie was very good, but I certainly don't feel happy about it. This was a tough watch at times and there were some obvious things that could have been fixed. The main character comes across as an idiot most of the movie. She constantly does things that give herself away instead of ever doing anything to improve her situation. But what it does well is set an atmosphere of tension and despair. Yes its the sprained ankle trope, but it has been made so gruesome that its inclusion does come out as comical. The hoodlums however, most of them proved unnecessary. Nothing becomes of two of them and its like they just walked out of the movie. But their leader, as Norm McDonald would say, he's a real jerk. The ending was especially dour, denying you of any catharsis. I will acknowledge this was a pretty great movie, but I will never watch it and hopefully never think of it again.
- DirectorJohn Carl BuechlerStarsYvonne De CarloDebrah FarentinoBrian RobbinsA comic book artist Whitney Taylor is doomed to repeat history in a most grotesque way when she unleashes a demon after drawing it.qualityIf I may go on a tirade, I am a fan of Jojo's Bizarre Adventure but there are still just those chapters where the fight just isn't quite there. Maybe its that the rules to their ability are too simple or that the answer is underwhelming, you kind of want it to move on so that a better fight will begin. This movie is Jojo's Bohemian Rhapsody. The whole movie plays like a "horror" comic where it isn't quite scary with more emphasis on gruesome imagery. Only its a little on the cheap end in that part. The deaths are shown through comic stills with just cuts to the monster doing something. There are scenes where the monster is eating people which makes up the vast majority of the gore. As to its design, its fine. There aren't any terrible flaws and it's mechanics work. It doesn't share much time with the other characters however so it may have been a bit unwieldly to shoot well. Jeffrey Combs is killed off before he could even get a cup of coffee, and the rest of the cast, well, they're better known for their TV work for a reason. If I were to describe this movie, if this were to compete with two other movies of less than stellar movies, this movie is good enough to be in the middle of them.
- DirectorKevin ShulmanStarsKristina KlebeFaran TahirSaid FarajHeld captive by terrorists, celebrity reporter, Sara Brown, sits in a cell awaiting her filmed beheading. Sara's captors wish to show the world the true face of terror but how can they, when even they have not seen it yet?I was wondering the other day, what is Chop Top doing these days? Not much. I don't want to belittle the actors here. They are mostly bit actors and tv actors, but they are better than the ones in Cave Dweller. But this movie does nothing for them. The story is told through non linear storytelling but is hard to follow because of that decision. There was a lot of social and political commentary but its handled like a Neil Brein film, not at all. There is talk of the California wildfires being started by a single person and Congress coming together to tighten immigration reform, nothing that any news channel would ever say in 2020 and likely never will again even if it were true. It wants to say something, but I feel it is too stupid to actually have any critique worth thinking about. This was a pass.
- DirectorNoel BlackStarsGranville Van DusenJoBeth WilliamsBarnard HughesA golem made of mud terrorizes a couple on a remote Maine island. An episode called "Monster" from the TV-series "The World Beyond".A delightful 70s TV movie with a rather short run time. It says an hour but its really just 41 minutes and change. This was the sequel to another movie, The World of Darkness, that had aired a year prior, so it breezes throught the explination of how the hero garnered the power to talk to spirits, but it really is just a ploy to place him on the island anyway. the acting is very good and the drama is decent for the amount of screen time it could be alotted. The monster isn't as good but they use it well. Rarely do you get a good look at the golem but its wailing is positively chilling. The hand effect wasn't to bad either for the time and budget constraint. The two films were supposed to serve as a pilot for a show that never aired, leaving them to fade into obscurity but this was certainly worth tracking down.
- DirectorJim WynorskiStarsGail ThackrayMelissa MooreStacia ZhivagoFive college women buy the old Hokstedter place for their new sorority house. They decide to stay in it for the night to meet the movers in the morning, but begin to get the creeps when the weird neighbor starts poking around.Sorority House Massacre II shares more similarities with Slumber Party Massacre than it does Sorority House Massacre. It even used scenes from the other franchise to establish the backstory, and pad the film. And between the two sequels, I think it may be the better of the two. I certainly prefer the Driller Killer to Clive Hockstater, but as a whole, Sorority House Massacre II delivers what you want faster and harder than Slumber Party Massacre II. There is more sex and violence and delivers it without muddying itself down by floundering with a psychological aspect. It still isn't perfect, the women were hired more for their looks than their acting chops and the kills are done in silhouette. But it has its own answer for the killer off the other in Orville Ketchum, who easily becomes the best character in the movie. Everything about him just works for what he is, from his size, his lack of stamina, and his open mouth breathing. Its a B movie, but I can't say I went home unhappy after watching it.
- DirectorIvan ZucconStarsEmanuele CermanAlessio CherubiniRita RuscianoAfter the loss of his daughter Eleanor, a famous scientist, Dr. Herbert West, experimenting with a special serum invented by him, desperately tries to bring her back to life.A low budget, confusing take on one of the most recognizable stories of HP Lovecraft. Its got the unenviable task of competing with The Reanimator series and Jeffrey Comb's take on Herbert West. And to be frank; it fails, go watch Reanimator. But it isn't without its surprises as the back end is far more interesting then the front. If you can make it that far. Personally, I couldn't get into Emanuel Carman's West, he looks very dumpy for a mad scientist, but Alessio Cherubini does alright as West Jr. He looks more fitting in a lab coat and sinister to boot. The makeup was alright, the woman that pried out her eyes looked good if you discount the fact that she should still have her eyeballs in her hands which are suspiciously empty, and gets better towards the end. But it isn't quite something I can recommend whole heartedly. The beginning wasn't as interesting as I hoped it to be and soured me somewhat on the rest of the movie.
- DirectorDaniel EricksonStarsJohn HawkesSuzanne AldrichEv LunningA paranoid teenage nerd comes to believe that an escaped lunatic may be hiding in the neighborhood Halloween house of horrors, and slowly starts to descend into madness.From out of left field, this movie was surprisingly decent. Perhaps even good. It tries to be a horror comedy, and the comedy isn't great, but in its own way its smart. It successfully plays with your expectations to set up false starts and gives you an idea of what to expect before the twist ending. John Hawke is pretty good as the paranoid protagonist, though again, the comedic scenes still fall flat. And the cinematography does well to accentuate his state of mind. The camerawork makes everything feel oppressive and unnerving. For a low budget movie, this is pretty good. It isn't a high budget Hollywood movie but that gives it a little more charm.
- DirectorMichael LaughlinStarsMichael MurphyLouise FletcherDan ShorA scientist is experimenting with teenagers and turning them into murderers.This movie is so oddly familiar but I can't place it. Maybe I saw clips of it on youtube but I can't quite place the context. Either way, this was another fun little romp that would have made a great trilogy if the series didn't de a death. While Invaders had some impressive looking aliens, Behavior is more modest by comparison. And this might actually have made it better. Killer teens with seemingly no motive run rampant in Illinois, and not in Chicago! There is a surprising amount of gore for a movie of this caliber and it looks alright. Not a lot of decapitations or anything, but severed hands and the like being found. And while the sequel was a homage to the alien invasion films of the 50s, so to does this feel like something like Twilight Zone/Outer Limits scifi horror of the 60s. While the story starts to feel a little long in the tooth, but manages to bring it all back together in the end.
- DirectorBernard L. KowalskiStarsRoy ThinnesYvette MimieuxRay MillandA traveling minister and his wife are quietly menaced by a devil cult in the Old West. By the time the Good Reverend figures out what's going on it may be too late to stop the evil.At first, I was kind of middling about this movie. Its certainly a made for TV movie with the most made for TV acting. And the quality is very made for TV as well. But what shines is the old fashioned storytelling. It feels like a good short story like Young Goodman Brown, where its very simple little things that you are supposed to pick up on. No jump scares or spooky monsters, just this underlying feeling of something isn't right in the town of San Melas. Then it hits you with it in the end right where it hurts. This may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I ended up enjoying it.
- DirectorKurt NeumannStarsJeff MorrowBarbara LawrenceJohn EmeryAliens from another world send a huge robotic accumulator to invade the Earth and absorb all energy it comes in contact with.Is there nothing reversing the polarity can't do? Time has taken a bat to this movie, it really does look goofy by today's standards. Particularly the robot who looks like a box fort compared to the smoother alien machines. That doesn't mean it lacks charm however, and the I liked the little animation they did to show it moving. It doesn't quite invoke fear but the way it slides around while stomping in place was entertaining. The acting on the other hand is very wooden. The first scene in particular left me wondering which one was the robot. Turned out neither. It would have been interesting to have seen a more modern version if it weren't modern day and Hollywood were still competent, but we don't live in that world anymore.
- DirectorJack SholderStarsJack PalanceDonald PleasenceMartin LandauA few dangerous and delusional mental patients break out of a mental asylum during a power blackout, and lay siege to their new doctor's house, who, they believe, killed their previous doctor.Someone call a social worker. I thoroughly enjoyed this movie, but I should when it stars Jack Palance and Martin Landeau. The thought process behind this movie is kind of dumb, where criminal sociopaths are put within a minimum security, not even remotely secure, mental institute. This in turn is tied with nuclear paranoia, don't call the police politics, and the stupidest intellectuals and my god I am describing modern America. The protagonist is a bit more tolerable because of it however. He is the common man who is trying his best but surrounded by the stupidest people imaginable. The killers are great, while Edith Van Lidth and Philip Clark aren't quite as good as Landeau and Palance, Fatty and Smith still manage to hold their own as threats. This was a great movie all around, it gets right to where it needs to be quickly and keeps you there. Its just that almost everyone is a headache.
- DirectorD.J. WebsterStarsRobert SampsonWill BledsoeJoe TurkelIn 2022, a repair crew is sent to fix an orbital weapon but their spaceship malfunctions and ends up heading towards the dark side of the moon. There, in a mysterious, seemingly abandoned space shuttle, a sinister force lies in wait.A commendably bold attempt that just falls a little short. 1.2 million is a paltry sum to make a special effects centric scifi horror movie but they managed to get it done reasonably well. The effects aren't half bad, fairly good even, albeit you will never be left wondering how they did that. The acting is serviceable as well, with some pretty good actors like Robert Sampson and Joe Turkel, although the former isn't there for all that long. Unfortunately it suffers from a lack of atmosphere that does it no justice. The black room effect when the devil is on screen feels a bit cheap and dare I say, not as claustrophobic as it was intended. I felt that they were in an even bigger room than they were in the lab they started from. A lot of the sets seemed too big and open as well, especially for a space ship that looked as small as theirs. While it wasn't a bad attempt, this could have been better with a little more creativity.
- DirectorRoger CormanStarsAntony CarboneBetsy Jones-MorelandRobert TowneA crook decides to bump off members of his inept crew and blame their deaths on a legendary sea creature. What he doesn't know is that the creature is real.Delivery is everything. You can write the best joke in the world and it will fall flat if you give it to Melissa McCarthy. Or Kristen Wig. Or Leslie Jones. This was not the greatest joke ever but it did have some good lines horribly done. This was of course a movie made on who gives a damn, and the jokes don't land, the characters don't matter, the plot is paper thin, the monster made of the left over damn they had when they threw this all together. Its not funny. Its barely interesting. Its just a bad movie.
- DirectorJohn HoughVincent McEveetyStarsBette DavisLynn-Holly JohnsonKyle RichardsWhen a family moves to a country home, the young girls experience strange happenings that have a link to an occult event years past.How do you mess up a good, child friendly ghost story? I wouldn't call this movie scary. Even those with the weakest constitution can watch it without worry. Though that isn't a knock against it as it still manages to set up a nice little mystery. The acting is pretty good for a kid's movie, the little girl isn't too egregious and Bette Davis puts on a good performance. Its unfortunate as while the story was interesting, its resolution leaves much to be desired. Spoiler! The answer to the aforementioned question was aliens.
- DirectorMario GariazzoStarsRobert HoffmannNathalie DelonMartin BalsamA photographer and his model are on a photo shoot in a forest when they get the feeling they are being watched. The feeling becomes so strong that they decide to cut their session short and leave.The only real problem I have with Italian horror is always the dubbing. Its soul sucking really, stripping much of the drama out of the story. And that is unfortunately what this story needs. The aliens aren't a spectacle and the pace is plodding. That isn't to say that it is a complete bust as the plot is somewhat interesting if not scary. It treats it as an investigative procedural as a journalists looks into the abduction of a model and photographer, to the dismay of the government. There is some good intrigue with spies and clandestine organizations that leave you slightly paranoid. Its just that there isn't that performance that serves as the glue to hold it all together.
- DirectorRoman PolanskiStarsRoman PolanskiIsabelle AdjaniMelvyn DouglasA bureaucrat rents a Paris apartment where he finds himself drawn into a rabbit hole of dangerous paranoia.I'm no fan of Roman Polanski and that is an unfortunate tagline. That being said, this movie was pretty good. Polanski knows how to compose a scene, and I have to commend his style. There are scenes that can easily go wrong especially with 70s special effects. When they are approaching him menacingly and that long tongue slips out of the old woman's mouth, that could look terrible if you don't know what you're doing. But he gets the perfect amount of shadow to hide the flaws while still making it visible, and its so quick and unexpected you aren't ready to analyze it. Still, there is a level of pretentiousness in all the characters that grated me. It made listening to everyone to aggravating for me to really get into the story. The pros overweigh the cons however. It may not be my cup of tea but its still a very good movie
- DirectorAndrew GothStarsWesley SnipesKevin HowarthRiley SmithA cursed gunman (Snipes) whose victims come back from the dead recruits a young warrior to help in the fight against a gang of zombies.This is a tough movie to place. In a way, its an interestingly stylized action movie. In another, it an utterly nonsensical story. And finally, its a movie that feels out of place in 2012. The gunfights and action scenes aren't bad and there are some good shots like the villain trying to holster his gun after being killed. In fact, I find all the action scenes to be commendable and play to what Snipes was great at. But the story is kind of a mess. The big mystery the villain has was answered in the first ten minutes and the fact that it keeps coming up is disappointing. Especially when the villain should have been privy to what happened much sooner. The editing is confusing, muddling up the story even more. And the mechanics are confusing as the rules behind the undead characters aren't really explained all that well. Aman decapitates them, but that doesn't seem to be as necessary for other characters. But most of all, this movie feels like it should have been made much earlier. I has the distinct feeling of a mid 90s movie, for better and for worse. This was not necessarily bad but definitely weak.
- DirectorJames RiffelStarsMark ZobianVictor VerhaegheSarah NewhouseFriends go inspect an old house. They find a grave of a woman in the front yard. One of them smashes the headstone and awakens her vengeance. The dead come alive and the living can't escape as the house locks down to keep them in, forever.The litany of slasher monsters: hillbillies, undead juggernauts, a septuagenarian? This was not my favorite Troma movie but it is by no means one of their worst no matter what the box cover or title or the Germans would have you believe. Its a delightfully bloody, occasionally gory, low budget horror. The old woman is heavily made up but is startlingly spry when she needs to be. She can drop a thirty year old teen like nobodies business and tank like a beast in a fight. And the way she delivers her lines, though there are few, is quite a delight. She sounds very much like your malicious grandma as she explains how she stabbed your boyfriend to death. The rest of the cast is pretty one note and replaceable, but the actors deliver their scenes with conviction and they don't detract from the movie. the gore effects are low lit to hide how cheap they were made and is pretty well done. I just wish they didn't cut away from some of them. Dead Dudes in the House is a pretty good movie for its budget and a decent enough movie night.
- DirectorJesse Thomas CookStarsDave FoleyArt HindleRobert MailletEight classic monsters fight to the death in an explosive wrestling tournament set inside an abandoned and cursed graveyard.These were real wrestlers. I'm gonna let that sink in. This was a waste of time and maybe talent, I don't know anyone but Kevin Nash to make a judgement. There is gore, I can give it that. Nothing all that interesting but for Frankenstein's finisher, but nothing more than punch and kick fighting. And interference, though its like they are doing the whole thing underwater. Promos were bad, I think Rosemary was the only one that was halfway decent, and the commentators... Well they weren't good. But they do begin to grow on you, like an inverse of the game Mad World. Jimmy Hart was there for reasons. They were a paycheck but hopefully there were a few zeros in there. This was bad. Not painful bad but regular bad.
- DirectorStephen CarpenterJeffrey ObrowStarsSuzy StokeyWarren LincolnLisa EricksonA few people come into possession of an ancient Aztec doll. However, the doll is possessed by an evil spirit, which takes over their bodies.The acting is terrible, the effects are certainly "special," they use the phrase the power so often it becomes a joke; I kind of like it. There are some pretty decent death scenes even with the poor visual effects, like the professor being impaled, the head crushing, and the penultimate I don't know what is happening but I sure as hell hope it never happens to me. And the use of color is a pretty nice touch. The down side, Larry Harryhowzen would role over in his grave at what stop motion had become. And when you combine it with "levitation" effects from the thirties, it makes it all the worse. This is a warty movie probably deserving its middling score, but I had fun. Also, I mistook it for the 1968 movie.
- DirectorDavid PriorStarsJames Badge DaleMarin IrelandSasha FrolovaOn the trail of a missing girl, an ex-cop comes across a secretive group attempting to summon a terrifying supernatural entity.Cut thirty minutes from this movie and you would have something here. This movie really loses the plot, starting off with a supernatural specter but abandons it for a new age cult, and it doesn't really mesh. The Empty Man's ritual is kind of pointless by the end of the story and his appearances feel like more of a reminder that he is in this story. I'd have preferred if they almost removed him completely from his own story. No ritual, no real explanation, just start from the girl's disappearance and go right to the cult. And the whole first twenty minute opener, two minutes. Give me a shocker to wake me up, your clock is ticking. Don't bother crafting an elaborate story for these characters who are going to be dead and gone before the actual movie starts. The effects were good, acting is fine, I didn't give a damn. Two hours was way too long.
- DirectorTim RitterStarsShannon StockinFord WindstarSteve GuynnStrange things are happening in Druid Hills, Kentucky, known mainly for its voluminous corn output. Victims of monsters in cornfields begin cropping up, and witnesses are saying there are large Great White sharks swimming in the corn stalks.Where does this stand on the absolutely no budget indie movies? Its nowhere is as good as a Neil Breen movie. They want it to be a so random bad movie by weaving as many nonsensical plotlines as they could together. The problem is, they are obviously trying too hard to make a bad movie. They lack the fanatical conviction of Neil Breen that makes his movies genuinely entertaining. It feels more akin to Feeders, maybe even slightly worse than that as the Polermo brothers put more care into it as misguided it was. The acting is very reminiscent of the lemon stealing whores scene someone uploaded to youtube, to the point that I was expecting them to catch one stealing their corn. At times it was entertaining but a whole 1:45 is too much for that joke to last. Its a stupid movie made to be a stupid movie, and its not a good watch all around.
- DirectorBob KelljanStarsWilliam MarshallDon MitchellPam GrierThe vampire Mamuwalde (a.k.a. Blacula) is resurrected by voodoo and forced to kill again.The Golden Turkey Awards once had this listed as the worst blacksploitation movie ever made. This is a criminally bad take as this movie is ddamn good. There was one real criticism that ruined my amusement of the first Blacula movie, that he never quite crossed the line into becoming the monster. This movie did the exact thing that I wanted out of the first movie. Blacula is a complex character, the violent and enraged Blacula and the noble Mamuwalde, and both of them are constantly at odds with each other. He kills a woman at a party to sate his hunger, then two pimps for "casting chains upon their sister." He plans to free himself of the curse laid on him even if he has to kill everyone in his way. And when he finally decries "I am Blacula" he has failed. Mamuwalde is dead and the monster is all that remains. I loved all of that. Then there is everything else. The movie was rushed and cheap, the effects aren't special, the action very underwhelming, even the lighting fails to give you a sense of foreboding. Blacula's makeup looks great, everyone else not so much. Even with all the problems however, I would rate this higher than its predecessor.
- DirectorGuillermo del ToroStarsFederico LuppiRon PerlmanClaudio BrookA mysterious device designed to provide its owner with eternal life resurfaces after four hundred years, leaving a trail of destruction in its path.Vampires aren't my forte. Easily one of the most recognizable monster, they were the most overdone monster until the modern zombie move usurped that title. So I appreciate movies like Lifeforce that mix them up into something a little more interesting than a noble undead. Cronos's alchemy plot really helps scratch that itch and creates a monster that is at times a little hard to watch. Instead of being a terrifying creature, its rather pathetic as his cravings make him lick blood off a bathroom floor. But this in turn plays into a similar story as Scream Blacula Scream albeit takes it into the opposite direction. The acting is very good and Ron Perlman made me chuckle a few times as his uncle's disgruntled lackey while still being pretty ruthless when he needs to be. The effects are very engaging, especially the scenes where you see inside the Cronos at the mechanisms and insect at work that serve as a little treat for the eyes. I would recommend this movies whole heartedly.
- DirectorKevin TenneyStarsTodd AllenTawny KitaenStephen NicholsWhen his girlfriend becomes dangerously obsessed with a ghost she contacted using a Ouija board, Jim reluctantly joins forces with her ex-his own estranged childhood best friend-to identify and exorcise the evil spirit.This is more entertaining than it is a quality movie. I wouldn't say the cast was that great. The story isn't much to speak of. And the effects were dated even for then. But its the fact that all these components come together in a way that they compliment each other that makes it fun. Its not a movie you watch alone, but in the right company its makes for a very fun time.
- DirectorDavid HemmingsStarsRobert PowellJenny AgutterJoseph CottenWhen an airline pilot survives a crash that kills all 300 passengers, he works with a psychic and a priest to find the culprit behind the incident and pacify the souls of the victims.I was intrigued that this wasn't an Australian move about a crocodile. Dig at the movie aside, there is an underlying story that has something to it. The search for the pilot's lost memories make for an interesting story. Unfortunately, it falls victim to bloat as there is a lot that goes on that don't feel like they go anywhere. And that is the bulk of the horror. Characters that you've seen but no nothing about getting bumped off by ghosts that don't jell with the rest of the plot. This makes the movie spin its wheels and for a long time not go anywhere. The twist at the end is alright, but the first act does it no justice. Ultimately, its a middling experience.
- DirectorMarcus NispelStarsJared PadaleckiAmanda RighettiDerek MearsA group of young adults visit a boarded up campsite named Crystal Lake where they soon encounter the mysterious Jason Voorhees and his deadly intentions.This was meh. As a standalone movie it was decent but as a reintroduction to the Friday the 13th franchise, it wasn't going to start any fires. A lot of it is tat it treads much of the same old ground. While I did like seeing some of the tributes to the older movies at first, the more I think about it, I realize I could have just watched them for an even better experience. They were shocking at the time but are now just a nostalgic pop that don't really make or break the movie. And some of the retconning are very underwhelming. His face reveal and discovering the hockey mask are very underwhelming compared to parts 2 and 3. But what really hurts it is that the new stuff is unnecessary at best, a detriment at worst. The cave system and introduction of a warning system would work at depicting an intelligent killer, but aren't necessary for a force of nature like Jason. It detracts from the mystique of the character who still can seemingly teleport to wherever he needs to be otherwise, and only serves to give him a place to store the girl he kidnapped. Who in turn I didn't care for because she was a noncharacter for 80% of the movie. This was a lackluster, albeit not awful, attempt to revive the franchise.
- DirectorMarcello AvalloneStarsPeter PhelpsMariella ValentiniCyrus EliasAn ancient evil awakens in a small Mexican village and many people fall victim to its curse. It is up to a mystical doctor to try and stop this evil power before it is too late.Perfectly watchable. That is the best way to describe this movie. Its not going to break any records or anything, but it is far from a terrible mess. Its low on plot or even the basic elements of one, but it gets by on its violence and schlock. The death scenes are pretty violent even if there is no villain to carry them out. Its not like I Am Zozo where they toss and turn as nothing does anything, they beat the ever loving tar out of themselves to get the point across. There are some of the worst American actors to be found here but they do no real damage as their deaths are swift and brutal. It is a bit dark though, which does hurt it a little bit. This is a hard movie to find and while I wouldn't tell you to go out and hunt it down like the Holy Grail of Italian horror, but if you stumble on it in Corpus Cristy, it might be worth a watch.
- DirectorBruno MatteiStarsDavid LutherGeorge Barnes Jr.Scott SilveriaA huge shark terrorizes a beach in Florida, and the locals try everything to kill it.That's a pretty cool shark. I wonder what movie it came from. This movie stole from everyone, Jaws, The Last Shark, I heard music from Star Wars in there. And shockingly enough, it has no original footage of the shark. Characters just dive underwater in crystal clear water without so much as a nursing shark in sight. And even when they steal footage, it isn't even a shar some times. Its a dolphin. The acting was sub par with the most memorable character best recognizable as a deflated Hulk Hogan. This could be that they were non union, could be that they don't speak the same language as the Italian director, but its all pretty bad. They don't even die well, either turning into a spot of red dye or having a fire overlaid in front of them as they supposedly burn to death a mile away. But this is one of those movies that proves so bad its kind of entertaining. With its cheesy acting, adolescent plot, and overall sleaziness, I would not say that its remotely good but in that threshold where you can get some pleasure out of it with the right company.
- DirectorEdgar NevilleStarsAntonio CasalIsabel de PomésGuillermo MarínIn 19th-century Madrid a young man plays roulette. A mysterious character helps him by pointing with his walking stick the next number on which the ball will fall; the protagonist is the only one able to see him. The mysterious man turns out to be the ghost of an archaeologist and asks the young man to defend his niece from a gang of hunchbacks.Spanish is a must going into this as I could not find a subtitled copy. In turn, I feel I did not get the full experience as this is a very dialogue heavy movie. It isn't to say that it was a total bust. There are some really nice backdrops they built and subsequently destroyed. And there were some pretty decent suspenseful moments. If there is a subtitled version anywhere, I'd say check it out if only for its historical significance. Its a horror movie from a time in Spain where such films are nearly unheard of.
- DirectorMilan TodorovicStarsKristina KlebeDragan MicanovicNatalie BurnTwo young American women go on a Mediterranean vacation and uncover the watery lair of a killer mermaid hidden beneath an abandoned military fortress. What was once a carefree adventure becomes a deadly fight for survival.Starts strong, then just gradually declines into nonsense. This wasn't a particularly offensive movie, but it is still very mediocre. It is most definitely a Serbian film, it is only minutes until they introduce a wealthy bald man and his trophy wife and have an awkward dance sequence for no reason but to look sexy. There is plenty of sleaziness, even when there isn't particularly obscene on screen, there is this air of sleaze that lingers in the air. The scenery is very pretty. Once they start going into the belly of the island ruins, it becomes decently claustrophobic. The issue is, the titular villain is not great. As the beauty, she just looks off, like something isn't quite animated as it should. As the beast, it looks ridiculous. And when it transitions between them, its just bad. In the water, there isn't really a good shot to convey how dangerous she is. On land, she should never have been shown on land. Fortunately, its the other villain who does much of the leg work. Its a pretty mediocre movie overall.
- DirectorFritz LangStarsRudolf Klein-RoggeOtto WernickeThomy BourdelleA criminal mastermind uses hypnosis to rule the rackets after death.I may have done my disservice on this one. Not just because I am watching the sequel to a movie I never saw, but because the sound dropped and I in my infinite stupidity, watched the movie in complete silence thinking that it was the product of the audio being lost. Sound really would have helped, but at least the movie was subtitled so I wasn't lost like A Page of madness. Technical issues aside, the movie does try to fill you in if you didn't see Mabuse the Gambler, even if it does feel a little disjointed with the main story. The manipulative nature of Dr. Mabuse does create an interesting villain, blurring the line between the supernatural and psychological aspects of the movie. He controls his minions even in death like a cult leader and drives home his ability as an evil genius. What I would have preferred was if it picked a single figure to follow, as the inspector's investigation and the criminal's crisis of conscious feel almost like they could be two separate movies if they were fleshed out a bit more. This is a very good movie none the less, and depict a period in German history that served as a prelude to their darkest time.
- DirectorXavier GensStarsRay StevensonDavid OakesAura GarridoA young man arrives at a remote island to take a post of weather observer only to find himself defending the watchtower from deadly creatures which live in the island shores.Pretty scenery, decent make up effects, mediocre writing, and leaps in logic make for a watchable but not so great movie. The monsters aren't particularly scary but they aren't meant to be. Since one of the three main characters is a female "toad." there needs to be something charming about them. They can be intimidating however, when they swarm at night they look to be a formidable, albeit unarmed adversary. But this does lead to a problem. For a siege movie, there isn't enough characters to make them actually dangerous. After seeing them lose one sided battle after one sided battle, that formidability does not last. The dialogue is unnatural even for a period movie. Its very flowery and poetic which makes the characters come off as ridiculous. But worst comes to shove, its the leaps of logic that can only be attributed to plot armor. Friend comes to conclusions that are often so out of left field that the only explanation is that it needs to happen for the story to continue. Its not a great movie but competent enough not to be bad, just a little disappointing.
- DirectorMary Ann FisherStarsBradford DillmanPriscilla BarnesDaryl HaneyMan has finally conquered the ocean. America's first self-contained undersea laboratory is the pride of the nation, and expectations are high for an elaborate undersea mining operation. What wasn't expected was the inhabitants of an undiscovered world.This set would be great for a TV show in the 60s. Maybe 70s. Hell, I would still watch it now. Unfortunately, it is in this low stakes stinker. Say what you will with Coreman, with the limited funds he has, he gets the job done. The set and the aliens look pretty good together as do the costumes. What is unfortunate is that the story plays off like an episode of Sealab 2020 with even less suspense. The actorrs are stiff and regimented in their delivery and have a very TV quality to it. Of the 6 Abyss rip off movies, this one may be the weakest. Which is saying something.
- DirectorJames WanStarsAnnabelle WallisMaddie HassonGeorge YoungMadison is paralyzed by shocking visions of grisly murders, and her torment worsens as she discovers that these waking dreams are in fact terrifying realities.This movie has problems bigger than the serious gaping wounds the main character somehow manages to sleep off. Its undoubtedly a bad movie. The plot is a mess, it has too much to say but hasn't any clue on how to say it, and the dialogue is amazing in how goofy both in writing and delivery. There are these big set pieces but all they serve as a battleground for the big dumb action scenes that are yet to come. The lead is pretty much the Terminator in all the injuries she weathers with no consequence. Its shocking that in spite of being pretty bad that it is as entertaining as it is. It feels very much like some kind of indie movie that somehow bullsh*ted itself a Hollywood budget. The violence is gratuitous and fun, the monster is goofy as it is scary, and the whole thing makes great riffing material among friends. If you went in expecting a great horror movie, your in for a bad time, but if you just want something to watch with your friends its great.
- DirectorPeter Graham ScottStarsPeter CushingYvonne RomainPatrick AllenIn 18th-century England, the Royal Crown sends Royal Navy Captain Collier and his crew to investigate reports of illegal smuggling and bootlegging in a coastal town where locals believe in Marsh Phantoms.The 60s were the heyday of Hammer films and while I wouldn't say this measures up to Dracula, Frankenstein or Quatermass and the Pit, but that is not a critique of its quality. 60s Hammer was just that good. The costumes look great, acting is as good as Hammer gets, it tells an interesting story with a good twist at the second act. I really liked the skeleton costumes of the marsh phantoms because they stuck out so brilliantly. If this came out in any other period, it may have been the best Hammer movie of its era.
- DirectorJack SmightStarsOlivia de HavillandEd NelsonLaraine StephensA wealthy former mental patient goes home to her estate to rest and recuperate. While walking the grounds one day she hears the screams of a woman coming from underneath the ground who has been buried alive. Her family, however, refuses to believe her story, and sees the incident as an opportunity to prove the woman's mind has snapped so they can take control of her money.Its a good tv movie. Not great, not bad, simply good. The acting is firmly tv quality, though in the upper echelon of tv acting. Olivia De Haviland does most of the heavy lifting though she is no longer the plucky young starlet she once was. Though the writing doesn't help her, she does still perform very well with her facial work alone. The rest of the cast never come close to her in this aspect. This does hurt it in a way as some of the suide stories feel underdeveloped because they don't get the screen time. The camerawork is uninspired at best. A lot of flat shots and scenes of a character walking from point A to point B that verge on being comically long. The ending was a little underwhelming. In all, it was a decent tv movie to stumble over when flipping through the channels, but nothing that was an absolute must see.
- DirectorBud TownsendStarsLinda GillenJohn NeilsonArthur SpaceCollege student Regina wins a getaway vacation at the quiet Red Wolf Inn, which is run by a friendly elderly couple, but it gradually becomes clear that something is amiss.One of the earliest "horror comedies" and cannibal family horror films. Should you watch it? Hell no! You know how every backwoods cannibal family is pretty much all the same? Yeah, it was never any different. Calling it a comedy is in the archaic form of the word. It describes the tone of the film only, and never is it trying to make jokes like in something like The Undertaker and His Pals, thank God, but there is an air of brevity to everything. It doesn't work for the movie but its there. I only really found only one scene humorous, the shark scene, and the rest I was too disgusted watching everyone eat. The ending is not satisfactory mainly because of the big twist moment and how it was done. It was shot so poorly, they could have pretty much said anything and you'd call BS. This was not a fun watch.
- DirectorPeter LauerStarsJase BlankfortTrey RogersFrank LangellaA couple brothers are told a ghost story about a farmer's Siamese twins, but during a séance, they mistakenly awaken the evil twin and are forced to defend their community from being haunted.A solid children's made for tv movie that would make modern college students screech. Coming off of Halloween, I figured I'd knock some more movies out before the years out and was intrigued by the story surrounding this formerly lost film. A story that was better than the actual film but I digress. As far as tv movies go, this wasn't bad. As far as kids horror stories go, it wasn't bad. It was certainly of its time however, when wrestling was at its peak and Star Wars nerds were free from segregation of Lord of the Rings nerds. Joking aside, Nickelodeon didn't just leave this out to dry, there was some work put into this. They even crashed a hearse after a decent little high speed chase. The acting was alright even among the kids and the pacing was good. But the story kind of falls apart. The corpse on CryBaby Lane doesn't even play a role in the end. Nor does the road. It seems like they needed to rush the third act and abandoned a lot of plot points. If you are interested, be warned it is a movie for young children, so it isn't going to be that scary. But for them, it is alright.
- DirectorMathieu RattheStarsMathieu RattheVictor Andres Turgeon-TrellesKimberly LaferriereIn Gracefield, three couples are spending a long weekend in a luxurious cabin when suddenly an uninvited guest in the form of a meteorite, comes crashing the party...Its been a hot minute since there has been a good alien abduction movie. And its going to be a while as this was not very good. There is a very strict rule to making a first person movie, you can really only have one camera. And that is where things here get a bit wonky, the camera cuts between his eye, phone footage, and security footage, which causes you to lose the first person atmosphere. I mean, these would have to be spliced together for your viewing, unless you remember that this is a movie. The alien, I give them points for the idea. They had some neat shots in mind when they were designing it like the reflection in its eye. It still looks fake as sin. It has the CGI problem where it never looks like its ever there, whether it be shadows or lack of physicality and what not. And the fact that it kind of appears close enough to touch them but no one notices it is right next to them, is a bit lazy. It isn't the worst movie but its pretty bad. Maybe barely passable.
- DirectorBrian De PalmaStarsMichael CaineAngie DickinsonNancy AllenA mysterious blonde woman kills one of a psychiatrist's patients, and then goes after the high-class call girl who witnessed the murder.De Palma swears this isn't influenced by Giallo. Its a pretty good American Giallo movie. There is this weird air about this movie in that it never feels real. There is this haze that surrounds the action that gives it an ethereal feel to it. This doesn't hinder it however, but does help capture some of that Italian weirdness that is lost in an American movie. The kills are great, very visceral and violent. Seeing the razor carving flesh churns your stomach something fierce. The mystery aspect, its kind of clear you know who the villain is pretty early on as you see their face and they tell you who they are in the next scene. Still, they are menacing enough and make for a good villain. The investigation, while frustrating as again you know the answer, is at least suspenseful as the heroin tries to tail the villain only to get found out and have the tables turned on her. Even if completely unintentional, it makes for an enjoyable Americanized take on an Italian genre.
- DirectorDamian Mc CarthyStarsBen CaplanJohnny FrenchLeila SykesA lone drifter suffering from partial memory loss accepts a job to look after a psychologically troubled woman in an abandoned house on an isolated island.It feels like this movie should be rated higher but also has its share a flaws. What it does well it does well, but what it does is a bit underwhelming. Its pretty well acted with some atmospheric scenes. The story isn't as much to speak about but it is at least done well. But the pace is a bit off. There is a blink and you'll miss it issue where you must give the movie your undivided attention. Phone rings, leave the dog out, a fly crosses the screen, get ready to rewind it to figure out what you missed. What would have helped the movie more is if they kept the supernatural element longer. Its there early on though slightly muted but then turns more psychological by the second act. It trains you to reinterpret the previous events in that manner and makes the finale feel right out of left field when it reverts to the supernatural. Which in turn was pretty decent but again I wished they did more with it. It was an interesting concept while it lasted but it just doesn't come together properly.
- DirectorDavid SchmoellerStarsKlaus KinskiTalia BalsamBarbara WhinneryA man who runs an apartment house for women is the demented son of a Nazi surgeon who has the house equipped with secret passageways, hidden rooms and torture and murder devices.As Please Kill Mr Kinsky showed how terrible Klaus Kinski could be, Crawlspace shows just how great Kinski was. The positives of this movie aren't many, the writing is strained and the scripting average at best, the actors did what they could with what they had. The fact that these women would be so blasé about an apartment that to their knowledge is infested with rats is hard to chew especially when they appear better off than it. But Kinski still manages to put on a great show as a NAZI serial killer. He is always menacing, always calculating, he feels like a natural evil genius skulking about in the apartment crawlspace. The cinematography is pretty good as well, feeling tight and claustrophobic at times and conveying that there is nowhere anyone can go to escape Kinski's prying eyes. Even if the movie itself isn't great, Kinski does make this an interesting watch.
- DirectorBurt BrinckerhoffStarsDavid McCallumSandra McCabeGeorge WynerA pack of dogs goes on a killing spree.Christmas is almost here so here is a story about killer dogs. And the dogs aren't the only thing that go woof. The cast can't even play dead. Every death scene is astounding to watch, the actors deliver pained death screams with all the intensity of a silent fart. You reading this in your head sounds better than they do dying. And much of those screams are dubbed over poorly. For god sakes, four people are dying but only one man is dubbing them all over. And the heroes are so ineffectual, there is a scene where they try to shoot a dog attacking someone and I pondered if they shot him instead. And the mad lads, they did just that! There was an attempt to make a sequel called Cats but I've got to tell ya, this movie is for the birds.