- There would be less sex on television if more people swam in cold water.
- I used to be the president of the Association of Gateau Hurlers. I can take a joke.
- I'll admit I'm a contributor to the decline in TV standards. I'm guilty as charged for certain things. I don't say that with pride, but I'm not quite so guilty as others.
- In the very early days of Swap Shop, someone phoned up and asked who bought my shirts for me, and then asked, 'Are they blind?'
- I'd like to go on Mastermind - my specialist subject would be rotary aviation, 1930 to the present day, because I'm mad on helicopters.
- [on Mike Smith] He was so much more than simply a presenter. Mike was that rare individual - the consummate broadcaster in an era when professionalism, dedication and hard work were truly valued. I am typing this through the tears. I wish I had told him more forcefully and frequently how much I admired his talent and valued his support.
- (On Dave Lee Travis) He was never the brightest spark, but he's not a nasty guy. There was no bad vibe about him. I was never aware of anything remotely sleazy about Dave. OK, he was possibly misguided, but you can't talk about him in the same breath as Savile. Savile was the absolute depths of depravation. That's a whole different story.
- (On Jimmy Savile) I never liked him. I found it insulting the way the rest of us would turn up to functions at the BBC on time, dressed in suits and he'd turn up late in a gold lamé tracksuit. I also thought he was a s*** broadcaster. He had no command of the English language. He couldn't speak properly. He'd come out with those awful expressions like, 'Howzabout that then?' and I used to wonder why he even had a job.
- (On the Jimmy Savile scandal) What transpired was unspeakable, but it's wrong to entirely blame the culture of the BBC. Savile was in deep with the Royals, with Mrs Thatcher, with the hospitals and with Broadmoor. There's a whole establishment that let him into its heart. Not just the BBC.
- [on Noel's House Party (1991)'s "Crinkley Bottom", 1993] Everyone's heard of it. It's as famous as Ambridge. There's been such a proliferation of TV hardware over the last few years that everyone tends to go to their rooms to watch their own thing. House Party is one of the few television events that families actually watch together.
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