I'm a Catholic, was an altar boy, have never been a womaniser, taken drugs or been with anyone. I've got my feet on the ground.
A fella cooking? It's not natural. You won't see me with an apron on in the kitchen. Or pushing a trolley around Asda.
If you want a good laugh, come and see your Uncle Bernard.
We used to sleep five to a bed, and three of them used to wet the bed. I learned to swim before I could walk... The soles of me shoes were that thin that in 1936 I could put me foot on a penny and tell you if it were heads or tails.
He's a poof, of course, but he's got great taste. (On Stephen Fry, after he stated his admiration for Manning's comedic technique)
Jackanory stuff is for wimps. Grown men that work on building sites don't want to hear 'ecky thump' and 'ooh dammit'.