- Anything too stupid to be said, is sung.
- God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
- If God created us in His image, we have certainly returned the compliment.
- The first clergyman was the first rascal who met the first fool.
- To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.
- Dreams, which tease the mind with flying shades, do not come by divine command from ethereal sanctuaries, but each makes his own.
- The more I read, the more I meditate; and the more I acquire, the more certain I am that I know nothing.
- The happiest of all lives is a busy solitude.
- Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is an absurd one.
- The best is the enemy of the good.
- [on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan] Now, now, my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
- If God did not exist, one would have to invent him. I want my attorney, my tailor, my servants, even my wife to believe in God, and I think I shall then be robbed and cuckolded less often.
- It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue.
- Love is a canvas furnished by Nature and embroidered by imagination.
- I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
- I advise you to go on living, solely to enrage those who are paying your annuities. It is the only pleasure I have left.
- Have in your madness reason enough to guide your extravagances ; and forget not to be excessively opinionated and obstinate.
- When it is a question of money, everybody is of the same religion.
- To know who rules over you, find out who you are not allowed to criticize.
- It is better to risk saving a guilty man than to condemn an innocent one.
- Be orderly in your life so you may be passionate in your work.
- If you want to know who controls you, look at who you are not allowed to criticize.
- Tolerating fools is surely the height of tolerance.
- Doctors put medicines they know little about into bodies they know even less about, to treat diseases they know nothing about.
- With the self-imposed constraints of having a lot of possessions, we often lose sight of the little things in life. Do we live or are we only lived by our desire for possession and recognition? The moments in which we pause are therefore precious. In the first half of our lives we sacrifice health to acquire money; in the other we sacrifice money to regain health. And during this time, health and life perish.
- In the first half of our lives we sacrifice our health to acquire money; in the second half we sacrifice our money to regain health. And during this time, health and life perish.
- It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
- You can bring people to reason by tricking them into thinking for themselves.
- All people are smart - some before, others after.
- History is the lie agreed upon.
- The first law of friendship is that it must be maintained. The second is: Be lenient when the first is violated.
- Since it is very beneficial for health, I decided to be happy.
- When I look at this globe, or rather this little sphere, it seems to me that God has left it to a malicious being.
- Trying to be sensible in a crazy world is madness in itself.
- One day everything will be fine, that is our hope. Today everything is fine, that is our illusion.
- Prejudice is the reason of fools.
- A clever saying proves nothing at all.
- What is this - optimism?, Cacambo asked. Oh, replied Candide, it is madness to claim that everything is good even when things are bad.
- Words are to thoughts what gold is to diamonds: necessary to contain them. But they have little need of it.
- If you want to understand the concept of infinity, you only have to consider the extent of human stupidity.
- In a hundred years there will be no Bible left in the world. The last issue will then be lying around in some junk shop.
- Once a nation begins to think, it is impossible to stop it.
- Everything you say should be true. But you shouldn't say everything that's true.
- How shall I choose my words, Lord, if not by my feelings.
- Work frees us from three evils: boredom, vice and want.
- Coincidence is a word without meaning; nothing can exist without a cause.
- Equality is a very natural thing, but yet the biggest fantasy.
- My God, save me from my friends, I can deal with my enemies alone.
- Any country where begging is a profession is poorly governed.
- When you have lost everything and have no hope left, it is a disgrace and death is a duty.
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