90% of the time right after sex, I'm just wishing the dude would turn into a slice of pizza.
Orange people are not to be trusted. Not one of them has ever given us any reason to trust them. In that way, I am a racist. I am racist against orange people.
My spirit animal is a body-pillow.
Sometimes I look at my hair and exclaim, "this is so crazy... it just might work!" and I leave the house looking like a psychopath.
My walk of shame consists of me just walking anywhere.