The Hollywood Revue of 1929 (1929)

Jack Benny: Jack Benny - Master of Ceremonies

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jack Benny - Master of Ceremonies : The scene is the palace of the sultan. Now, the sultan has a beautiful daughter, Sultine, who has three suitors: Coatus, Vestus and Pantus. Pantus is one of twins, which accounts for the modern phrase of the two pants suit. These boys are inseparable. In fact, you never see Coatus and Vestus without Pantus.

• Jack Benny - Master of Ceremonies : You notice the young lady keeps running from one to the other. She is undecided what to do. Now get this folks, I want to let you in on a little secret: although she loves Coatus and Vestus, she can't get along without Pantus.

• [to chorus girl] 

  Jack Benny - Master of Ceremonies : Oh, Miss - your face is familiar to me. Didn't I meet you in Omaha?

  [chorus girl recognizes him, slaps him, leaves] 

  Jack Benny - Master of Ceremonies : I never forget a face!

• Jack Benny - Master of Ceremonies : Ladies and gentlemen - in fact, all of you. Feeling that you are weary of domestic triangles, we have gone to Europe for our next scene. The locale is Turkey, southern Turkey. You see, Turkey is divided into three zones, namely, the white meat, the dark meat, and the part I always get.

• Jack Benny - Master of Ceremonies : Now, I believe that most of you are unfamiliar with the adagio. I know I am. And so are the dancers. And if "adagio" means what I think it does, imagine my embarrassment. Incidentally, this is the 1929 Adagio with the standard gearshift. On with the dance.

• Jack Benny - Master of Ceremonies : The, uh, little number you just heard called "Singin' in the Rain" is an optimistic song and was, of course, written by an optimist. In fact, all of the lyrics like "There's a rainbow 'round my shoulder" and "Let a smile be your umbrella" and so forth were all written by this same man who finally became so discouraged that he killed himself. Hm.