The Gay Divorcee (1934)

Edward Everett Horton: Egbert 'Pinky' Fitzgerald

Photos 

Quotes 

• Egbert Fitzgerald : Guy, you're not pining for that girl!

  Guy Holden : Pining? Men don't pine. Girls pine. Men just... suffer.

• Aunt Hortense : [Going with Mimi to check into the hotel]  Oh, Egbert, are you coming with us?

  Egbert Fitzgerald : What? Hortense, oh my. You can't remain with her. This is supposed to be a clandestine affair. You can't have a clandestine affair between three people!

  Aunt Hortense : [laughing]  Oh, that's what you say!

• Waiter : Pardon, you, you uh rang sir?

  Egbert Fitzgerald : Who me? Well, my dear fellow, what is there here to ring with?

  Waiter : Pardon sir, that's just a figure of speech.

  Egbert Fitzgerald : Oh, oh. Uhuh. Well, bring me a... let me have a... eh, there there. You see? Your figure of speech has made me forget entirely what I wanted.

  Waiter : Could it have been that you require crumpets?

  Egbert Fitzgerald : No no no, I never ring for crumpets.

  Waiter : Would you be the kind of man who would ring for a toasted scone, sir?

  Egbert Fitzgerald : Scone? Well, now uh, no. no. Try me again.

  Waiter : Well, then could you, could you imagine yourself with a hankering for a nice gooseberry tart?

  Egbert Fitzgerald : Oh what an acid thought. Please.

  Waiter : No crumpets. No scones. No gooseberry tart. Well that lands both of us in a cul-de-sac doesn't it, sir?

  Egbert Fitzgerald : Of course it does. I knew it would.

  Waiter : You know I hate to leave you like this. You torn with doubts and me with my duty undischarged.

  Egbert Fitzgerald : Oh well cheer up old man, cheer up. It will come to me.

  Waiter : Was it animal or vegetable sir?

  Egbert Fitzgerald : No.

  Waiter : Well that leaves us mineral doesn't it sir. Now sir, was it a bit of half and half, a noggin of ale, a pipkin of porter, a stoop of stout, or a beaker of beer?

  Egbert Fitzgerald : Tea.

  Waiter : Tea. Ha. Well isn't it a small world sir.

• Egbert Fitzgerald : Oh, what is the matter with you? Are you still moping over that same girl? Why, the world is just full of girls.

  Guy Holden : I know, I know, but not like her. She's music. She's the buzzing of the bees in clover. She's the rustle of the leaves in the trees. She's water lapping on the shore.

  Egbert Fitzgerald : Yes, she sounds like a series of strange noises to me. Well, cheer up Guy, cheer up.

• Egbert Fitzgerald : Your life, Mr. Tonetti, must be full of excitement.

  Tonetti : Full of excitement and full of danger.

  Egbert Fitzgerald : Oh, yes, of course, from the husbands.

  Tonetti : No, from the ladies.

• Tonetti : At home, my wife she do not like me to sing.

  Egbert Fitzgerald : Unquestionably a woman of great perspicacity.

• Egbert Fitzgerald : Remind me to come down here the next time I want my constitution undermined.

• Guy Holden : I'm gonna start looking for her. I'll find that girl, Egbert, if it takes me from now on.

  Egbert Fitzgerald : Well, it shouldn't be difficult. After all, there are only 3 million women in London.

• Egbert Fitzgerald : [singing]  It's almost hoi polloi-able, and yet it's quite enjoyable.

• Egbert Fitzgerald : [singing]  It's so incomprehensible. It doesn't seem quite sensible. And yet I like it, please. Let's knock knees.

• Egbert Fitzgerald : Your life, Mr. Tonetti, must be full of excitement.

  Tonetti : Full of excitement, and full of danger.

  Egbert Fitzgerald : Oh, yes, of course... from the husbands.

  Tonetti : No, from the ladies.

  Egbert Fitzgerald : Oh, how interesting!

  Tonetti : But, Tonetti, he know what to do. Yes, sometimes, the lady and I have the conversation... somtimes, I play the concertina... sometimes, I play the solitaire... but, mostly, I practice my singing. At home, my wife, he do not like me to sing.

  Egbert Fitzgerald : Unquestionably a woman of great perspicacity.

  Tonetti : Oh, si, si, signor, you bet!

• Tonetti : Rodolfo Tonetti at your service.

  Egbert Fitzgerald : Yes... well, I am Mr. Fitzgerald.

  Tonetti : Mr. Fitzgerald?

  [shaking hands] 

  Tonetti : Oh, I'm delightful!

  Egbert Fitzgerald : Oh, I shouldn't doubt it, old man, I shouldn't doubt it. But, don't you think that a corespondent ought to come to work quieter? Let's have more repose and less Rigoletto.

  Tonetti : Ha, I am ready for action, and I will do a first-class job.

  Egbert Fitzgerald : Well, don't be too determined about it. Remember, the lady in question is very sensitive, and you must treat her accordingly.

  Tonetti : Bene, whichever way the wind she is blowing, that is the way I sail.

• Egbert Fitzgerald : And now, Tonetti, remember: I want delicacy, tact, assurance, finesse.

  Tonetti : I've brought everything.

• Guy Holden : I wonder if she resented me tearing her skirt?

  Egbert Fitzgerald : Well, I wouldn't at all be surprised. That's the usual reaction. What did you do that for?

  Guy Holden : She couldn't move.

  Egbert Fitzgerald : Sounds very unsporting of you, Guy, really!

  Guy Holden : Well, you don't understand... uh... it was an accident.

  Egbert Fitzgerald : It usually is.

• Egbert Fitzgerald : I'll bet you say that to every man you marry.

• Egbert 'Pinky' Fitzgerald : Just dancing.

  Guy Holden : Oh, is that what it was?

• Egbert Fitzgerald : Come along, Guy. The change will do you good. Sea air, sunshine, *gaiety*, girls.

• Egbert Fitzgerald : Guy, you got to come along too. Change will do you good, you look a little liverish.

  Guy's Valet : It isn't liver sir, it's love sir.

• Aunt Hortense : I'm here professionally Egbert. This poor little thing is married, unhappily married. Now, isn't that criminal?

  Egbert Fitzgerald : Oh, it's no crime to be married, just shows a weakness on the part of men that women take advantage of.

  Aunt Hortense : Oh Egbert, are you proposing to me again?