- Maxine Carroll: May I make one suggestion? Ladies usually wear their garters inside their slips. Outside that, you look scrumptious.
- Lieutenant Kenny Williams: It was a plain case of murder.
- Police Lieutenant Bixler: Murder?
- Lieutenant Kenny Williams: Do you remember those snakes?
- Police Lieutenant Bixler: Do I!
- Lieutenant Kenny Williams: Well, women don't usually keep snakes for pets. Isn't that right?
- Rinaldo: That's right.
- Lieutenant Kenny Williams: And they don't usually run around with midgets. Isn't that right?
- Rinaldo: That's right.
- Lieutenant Kenny Williams: So, I immediately thought of a circus. Isn't that right?
- Rinaldo: That's right.
- Lieutenant Kenny Williams: Circuses employ strange people with unusual talents. Isn't that right?
- Rinaldo: You said it!
- Lieutenant Kenny Williams: So, I saw the possibility of a murder. Isn't that right?
- Rinaldo: That's right.
- Police Lieutenant Bixler: Say, who is this guy? Charlie McCarthy?
- Lieutenant Kenny Williams: At least we had some chicken soup together. They'll never be able to take that away from us!
- Maxine Carroll: [First lines] Bring me an Old Fashion, please.
- Headwaiter: Yes, Miss.
- Maxine Carroll: And don't make it too old fashioned.
- Lieutenant Kenny Williams: And what gave you boys the idea it was suicide?
- Police Lieutenant Bixler: The doors were all locked from the inside. We had to break in! The fingerprints on the knife are the same as on the corpus corpus delicti. In fact, she was holding the handle just like this - when Richard Morris set in.
- Lieutenant Kenny Williams: Your Latin stinks.
- Police Lieutenant Bixler: The woman was lying, sprawled out on a rug near the fireplace.
- Lieutenant Kenny Williams: "The woman was lying, sprawled out on a rug" - what are you doing Victor, writing your memoirs?
- Lieutenant Kenny Williams: [On the phone] Hello, Maxine. Hello, honey.
- Maxine Carroll: What's the idea of letting me sit alone in a restaurant. I had to pay my own check! What kind of a guy are you, anyway?
- Lieutenant Kenny Williams: Oh, listen, honey, don't get mad, you get wrinkles.
- Maxine Carroll: It was pretty sweet of him to send me flowers. Guess I'll have to forgive him after all.
- Effie Perkins: Softy!
- Police Captain McGovern: Wait a minute. You wouldn't happen to have any ideas on how to catch the Phantom Slugger would you?
- Lieutenant Kenny Williams: Why sure. Dress this monkey up in women's clothes and send him out in the street as a decoy.
- Detective Deever: What?
- Lieutenant Kenny Williams: Well, you can do it, Deever, you're the prettiest cop in the force. Look at that waistline Chief. Nice and slender. And those beautiful big, brown eyes. Just pour a pint of perfume over him and you'd be prefect.
- Detective Deever: Cut out those rattle-brain ideas of yours, this is the Police Department not the Follies.
- Maxine Carroll: I think I'll wear my pink dress tonight. The one with the full skirt.
- Effie Perkins: Don't put it on until you see the whites of his eyes.
- Maxine Carroll: What?
- Effie Perkins: Every time Kenny sends you roses, you end up all dressed up, made up and stood up.
- Lieutenant Kenny Williams: Listen, either you do this for me or I'll have the Warden take away your Sunday baseball.
- Maxine Carroll: Where do we intend to go for dinner?
- Lieutenant Kenny Williams: Oh, I thought we'd go around to Tony's.
- Buck Moseby: [Pretending to be Charlie Jones] Oh, not on a night like this! Why don't we go out in the open where they got trees and bushes.
- Effie Perkins: Oh, now, Mr. Jones, no bushes.
- Police Captain McGovern: I've been thinking of sending one of our men out on the streets at night, eh, as a decoy, dressed as a woman.
- Citizens Committee Woman: That's the first sensible plan I've heard.
- Citizens Committee Man: Why hasn't this suggestion been offered before?
- Police Captain McGovern: The difficulty is in finding a good man willing to undertake the job. Most of my fellas would resign before they'd parade the streets in woman's clothes.
- Citizens Committee Woman: Humph. I can't see why?
- Police Captain McGovern: For some reason madame, men still prefer to dress as men. You could hardly expect the average man to, eh, take the ridicule and the humiliation he'd be put through.
- Lieutenant Kenny Williams: I don't particularly like making a jackass out of myself. But, its for a good cause.
- Lieutenant Kenny Williams: I'd walk down on Main Street in a Turkish towel before I'd let any woman control my life.
- Police Captain McGovern: You see, I don't think you're good enough for him. The woman that marries that man has got to take him for what he is - a good cop! Not what she wants him to be.
- Maxine Carroll: [In bed, late at night] Effie! Effie, somebody's at the door. I wonder who it is?
- Effie Perkins: Oh, I suppose my sister had another baby.
- Maxine Carroll: Capt. McGovern, when you die, why don't you leave your body to science?
- Police Captain McGovern: What for?
- Maxine Carroll: I'd just like to know what cops use for a heart.
- Police Captain McGovern: [walks away laughing] Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
- Police Captain McGovern: The woman that marries that man has gotta take him for what he is - a good cop. Not what she wants him to be.
- Maxine Carroll: The world is full of nice, normal men, and I become engaged to a crazy cop.
- Police Lieutenant Kenny Williams: Darling, I wish you wouldn't keep referring to me as a cop. I'm a grade-A detective - homicide squad. It's a vastly different thing.
- Maxine Carroll: Kenny Williams, of all the shabby tricks you've ever played on me, this is the worst. Letting me dance with a common murderer.
- Police Captain McGovern: The first requirement of any good officer is never to ask a man to do something that he wouldn't do himself.
- Maxine Carroll: Mr. Jones, just what is your alma mater?
- Buck Moseby: Listen lady, let's cut out the double talk and get down to brass tacks, huh.
- Maxine Carroll: It must be fun, running into an old alumnus like this.
- Buck Moseby: Oh, go on. You ain't so old.
- Cab Driver: Hey, lady. Do you know that guy you slugged is a detective?
- Police Lieutenant Kenny Williams: [dressed as a woman] So what?
- Cab Driver: Oh, nothin', nothin', I just thought I'd mention it.