- Tommy Chan: If you're stuck, I'll help you out.
- Charlie Chan: You are like business end of water spout - always running off at mouth.
- Charlie Chan: If man places self in way of finger of suspicion, must not be surprised if he receive poke in the eye.
- Paul Arranto: You suspect me?
- Charlie Chan: Suspicion like rain - fall upon just and unjust. You protect yourself with umbrella of innocence, but at moment I'm afraid your umbrella have big leak.
- Tommy Chan: Mrs. Hargue, maybe you've been to Smyrna, too?
- Mrs. Hargue, Housekeeper: Spent two months there once. A very dull place where nothing ever happens excepting when it rains.
- Tommy Chan: And then what happened?
- Mrs. Hargue, Housekeeper: [laconically] It rains.
- Charlie Chan: Very strange woman, Mrs. Hargue.
- Tommy Chan: Yeah, Pop. She's strictly icky, right off the cob and way off the beam.
- Charlie Chan: Could possibly speak English?
- Iris Chan: He means she's a slick chick gone to seed, Pop. She got bats in her head and bees in her bustle.
- Charlie Chan: Language sound very strange to elderly ears.
- Tommy Chan: Sure, Pop, but we're hepcats of the younger generation. You're Confucius and I'm Confucius Junior.
- Charlie Chan: Conficius Junior... Please, go.
- Charlie Chan: May learn something of Germans and Japanese here.
- Sgt. Billings: All I wanna know about them is what I can get lookin' over a rifle sight.
- Charlie Chan: Most excellent viewpoint!
- Charlie Chan: You are David Blake, D.P.E. What does that stand for, please?
- David Blake: Department of Political Economy. If you read your newspapers, you'd know more about me.
- Charlie Chan: I, uh, know what columnists say about you in morning paper: Quote, "What David Blake does not know about political economy would fill many books," unquote.
- Charlie Chan: You told to remain in hall!
- Tommy Chan: We were upstairs looking for clues, Pop.
- Charlie Chan: Looking for clues upstairs while murderer downstairs shooting at honorable parent.
- Tommy Chan: Gosh, did they kill you, Pop?
- Birmingham Brown: You think if I'd asked your father to let me go home he'd let me?
- Tommy Chan: What you want to go home for?
- Birmingham Brown: I forgot something!
- Tommy Chan: What'd you forget?
- Birmingham Brown: I forgot to stay there.
- Charlie Chan: Now, Mrs., uh, Winters. When Miss Arranto scream, you ran out into hall?
- Mrs. Winters: Well, not at first. I couldn't move. I was simply putrified.
- Charlie Chan: Excuse, please, I do not believe you mean "putrified."
- Mrs. Winters: My dear man, I KNOW what I mean.
- Inspector Jones, Secret Service: [laughs] Well, I'll be a pop-eyed pollywog.
- Mrs. Winters: So will I. Oh, my goodness, I mean no such thing!
- Charlie Chan: The trouble with modern children is that they do not smart in right place.
- Tommy Chan: Did Confucius say that, Pop?
- Charlie Chan: No, I say that!
- Iris Chan: That's the second man who's been murdered.
- Birmingham Brown: Mmmm-hm! It just ain't no future for a man in DIS house.
- Tommy Chan: Gee, I'm sleepy.
- Birmingham Brown: Me, too.
- Iris Chan: Then lie down somewhere. I'll wake you when the next corpse shows up.