- Sach Debussy Jones: [taking things from a surgery room] Pressure cooker. I'll give that to my mother.
- Sach Debussy Jones: [after two doctors explain their plan to operate on Sach's brain] Pull back the scalp? Indians!
- Slip Mahoney: De only thing this person don't seem to be cognitive of is the fact that I'm a laundry king and not an obstinatrician.
- Sach Debussy Jones: Obstinatrician? Dat kid don't need glasses.
- Slip Mahoney: I don't know about glasses, but if dis kid don't eat pretty soon, he's gonna collapse from malpartition.
- Sach Debussy Jones: Yeah, and starve, too.
- Slip Mahoney: Now, would you mind tellin' me in your own indistinguishable monotone exactly what happened?
- Sach Debussy Jones: [disguised as a woman] Good morning, flat foot.
- Lt. Burton - Policeman: Good morning, ma'am.
- Butch: Are you gonna take Charlie to the police?
- Whitey: Or maybe the Lost and Found.
- Slip Mahoney: Naw, tonight I'm gonna take him home with me. Nobody shows up for him tomorrow, I'm gonna take him to the Humane Society.
- Sach Debussy Jones: Humane Society? That's for grown-ups.