- Altar Keane: [Her birthday is tomorrow] Don't ask how old I'll be tomorrow, or I'll ask you.
- Frenchy Fairmont: Does another year bother you?
- Altar Keane: Every year's a threat to a woman.
- Frenchy Fairmont: Don't fret, gentlemen. It won't be the first time they've hung crooked politicians. It'll only take a minute or two. It's a clean way to die. As quiet as eating a banana.
- Frenchy Fairmont: He used his head and he used his guts.
- Altar Keane: Uses his eyes too, doesn't he.
- [to Vern]
- Altar Keane: What are you staring at? Should I turn around?
- Preacher: Somewhere it is written there are three things a man really requires: good whiskey, a bold song, and an honest woman.
- Altar Keane: Or any woman.
- Vern Haskell: It strikes me real unfair, ma'am.
- Altar Keane: Why?
- Vern Haskell: I got two slaps, only one kiss.
- Altar Keane: Sometimes I like a man who doesn't believe what a woman tells him.
- Vern Haskell: And I like a woman who's sometimes cold like ice, sometimes burning like the sun, a pipe dream in blue jeans and a birthday dress.
- Vern Haskell: To be honest with you, ma'am, I've heard so many different stories about you, I wasn't certain there was any Altar Keane.
- Altar Keane: What do you think I was? A pipe dream?
- Vern Haskell: [the sheriff has three crooked politicians locked in one cell and Frenchy locked in another cell. Vern is asked which cell he wants to be in. He chooses to cell with Frenchy] Sure, give me an outlaw to these thieves anytime. At least he takes his chances in the open.
- [first lines]
- Vern Haskell: [after the opening title song ends with the line, "the old, old story of hate, murder, and revenge," breaking away from a kiss] There's nothing like that to make a man feel agreeable.
- Beth Forbes: Especially in the middle of the day. Why'd you come in town?
- Vern Haskell: To kiss you.
- Vern Haskell: Where'd he head? Where did he head!
- Whitey: In Chuck-a-Luck. Chuck-a-Luck.
- Vern Haskell: Chuck-a-Luck?
- Altar Keane: [singing] A young man is full of adventure, And eager to do what he can, He may be a joy, But don't send a boy, To do the work of a man...
- Altar Keane: [singing] A young man will come when you call him, And leave when you tell him to go, But some day he'll guess, A woman means yes, Whenever a woman says no...
- Altar Keane: Vern, when you come to a fenced range, do you always try to climb over it?
- Vern Haskell: I always see if the gates open, first.
- Altar Keane: One way or another, though, you try.
- Vern Haskell: It could've been anybody who came to Chuck-A-Luck to hide behind your skirts. Chuck-A-Luck!