The Paris Express (1952) User Reviews

an intriguing 1952 crime drama

[AlsExGal · 7/10 · 3 June 2017]

Filmed in Europe, the story is about a meek little clerk working for a respectable Dutch company who, by happenstance, finds himself with a suitcase full of stolen funds on a train to Paris.

He abandons his wife and children (the latter laughing at him behind his conservative, respectable back) to indulge in a life of excitement and adventure such as he had never dared dream. Yet, beneath it all, once he gets to Paris, he is still a mouse in many ways ready to be laughed at and exploited by those of the underworld that he encounters. But, as these people will also find out, the mouse can turn.

The clerk who goes on a spree is played by Claude Rains in, shockingly, one of only six motion pictures in which he appeared during the '50s. A woman of questionable morals that he meets and with whom he becomes obsessed is played by Marta Toren, a dark haired beauty whose appearance always reminded me of the gorgeous Alida (The Third Man) Valli.

Also in the cast are Marius Goring as a police inspector who wants to catch up with Rains before he really gets himself into even more serious trouble, and Herbert Lom, as his employer of the company for whom the clerk has been the perfect accountant for 18 years. All four actors give solid interpretations of their roles. Watching Rains and Lom together made me think of a former Phantom of the Opera working with a future one.

But it's Rains who is the primary source of interest in this drama, and it's his performance that brings many of the small pleasures to be found in this film which, at times, is also noteworthy for its lovely Technicolor. Rains plays a man who, by circumstances, stumbles into crime after a life of total boring respectability, and there are unsettling scenes in which an inner demon suddenly springs upon the face of an otherwise docile little man. There's a wickedness, suppressed for years, that bubbles to the surface, only to suddenly disappear again.

The change in character might be a little too sudden for complete conviction, at times, but it's such a pleasure to watch a seasoned professional like Rains at work here that I'm ready to forgive this little film for its weaknesses.

In the final analysis, The Man Who Watched Trains Go By (the title is explained by the film's opening scene, which shows Rains on his bicycle day dreaming about the exotic destinations of a train passing by him) is a minor drama. However, it is distinguished by the strong work of its cast and, in particular, the performance of the silken haired, elegant Claude Rains.

One of the great character actors of the studio system days, Rains' best work was behind him after leaving Warner Brothers in 1947. Here, however, he is given an opportunity to bring his subtle art to the screen once again in this independently produced European production.

Catch This Express

[Richie-67-485852 · 6/10 · 29 September 2017]

Claude Rains is the reason to tune in along with Herbert Lom and good supporting staff. An amusing little off-beat little tale that starts out with conservative values and morphs into predator-prey dynamics startling when it does. It causes one to consider the traditional way of life i.e. hard work, steady long-term employment, owning a home raising two children and then repeating this over and over versus risking that life into an adventure and exploring another way to go about living. The catch? Be careful what you ask for. The whole movie is a good lesson in examining if you are content in what you do, if it is passion driven and if it is real. The main character is rather abruptly swept up into these dynamics and is intrigued while trying to figure things out on the way. Because he has not traveled in this fashion before, he doesn't know what he is doing but is content in not knowing. A simpleton comes to mind but with a struggle to keep his innocence against what would have him bet it to live or to give the illusion of living. We are introduced to large sums of money, a detective, a seductress and the lure of the carrot of life along with the favorite cliché "the grass is always greener somewhere else" which we know is not true but the main character does not. I found it interesting that the lust of the world was so well portrayed in more than one way. Watch how it has a push and pull to it but at some point loses its power if you can last that long. Fancy dining out, expensive wines, beautiful women, money to burn, having no rules, all wear-off leaving the "player" worse for it as the movie makes this point. Good snack movie or even a sandwich with a tasty drink while watching. Lots of human nature to discover in this movie. See if it applies to you and if you can relate. Enjoy

Good

[AAdaSC · 7/10 · 21 July 2009]

Kees Popinga (Claude Rains) is an uninteresting man who has been senior clerk with the same firm for 18 years. When police inspector Lucas (Marius Goring) turns up to question his boss Julius de Koster (Herbert Lom) about money laundering, it sets off a chain of events which sees Kees travelling to Paris with a suitcase of the firm's money to live out his fantasy. De Koster has drowned and Lucas is investigating the case. For the rest of the film, he pursues Kees who goes to De Koster's Parisien lover Michele (Marta Toren) in order to take her away with him for some excitement in life. However, she is after the money from him so that she can take off with her lover Louis (Ferdy Mayne). She protects Kees, who has hidden the money, from Lucas so that she can get hold of the money herself........how do things work out?........How will Kees's rigid moral code of integrity and loyalty cope with betrayal..?...

Its a well acted film, my favourite character being Marius Goring who plays a sympathetic policeman who genuinely cares about Kees and wants to protect him. The colour adds to the spectacle and its an enjoyable film......... It was nice to see that even boring people have got some cunning inside them!

A worthy Claude Rains film

[mcman · 6 December 1999]

It was a surprise to see this title on the shelves at the local video store: although Claude Rains is one of my favourite actors, and this film features other fine actors such as Herbert Lom, Marius Goring and Felix Aylmer, the story line didn't seem to be the usual fare rewarded with a video release. And indeed it is the story that both fascinated me and left me flat at the end.

Rains' meek company clerk is nicely judged; cunning but not worldly-wise, and seduced by the lights of Paris, in contrast to his small home town. The contrast, though, is poorly made - Rains' clerk suit looks perfect throughout, even at Maxims - and we don't see a return to family or their reaction to his plight. Even so, the story's unfolding was interesting enough to keep me watching, (as well as for the technicolor exterior shots of Paris in the early 50's).

Clerk gone mad

[bkoganbing · 7/10 · 25 September 2017]

The Paris Express gives Claude Rains a truly outstanding starring role where a meek little clerk who's devoted almost a couple of decades to the firm he was employed catches his employer Herbert Lom running off with the company assets. When Lom is accidentally killed, it's Rains on a mad impulse takes the money that Lom had in his possession and runs off to Paris.

Detective Marius Goring had been for some time investigating the firm and when Lom turns up dead he catches on quickly that Rains has the stolen money. This man never had so much as parking ticket in his life and Goring tries very hard to get him to return the money and return to being a model citizen.

But Rains has had a taste of adventure and there's a chance for him to live like a playboy. He doesn't have it in him though.

He does however have a suspicious nature about people wanting to be a new friend. That paranoia degenerates Rains into madness. In this it's a lot like the performance he gave in Phantom Of The Opera without the acid burns. Also not unlike his scientist in the Invisible Man.

Helping him along is Marta Toren, a French prostitute with whom Lom was entangled and she'd like to entangle herself with Rains long enough to part him and his loot. Toren is a truly evil woman of the streets. She died young and the screen lost a great talent.

Rains was never a traditional leading man, but his was an ability to really get inside a character's skin. He truly blends into his role as the clerk gone mad with paranoia and middle age hormones pulling him in different directions. Check him out in his final scene with Marius Goring. His closeups tell all.

The Paris Express is a must for fans of Claude Rains and his art.

Well Acted But Script Could Have Been Better

[DKosty123 · 7/10 · 2 October 2017]

Is there any such thing as a bad Claude Rains film? I have not found one yet, but then this one proved I have not seen all of them. In glorious technicolor, comes a script with so much promise but not quite developed. The support is here as this film features other fine actors such as Herbert Lom, Marta Toren and Felix Aylmer. Toren is perfect as the woman destroying men's lives. She can't seem to get enough and is going through men in her life like a wheat harvester, looking for a fortune in cash from all of them. Toren is a tragic real story as she would die at age 30 of a cerebral hemorrhage.She is at the top of her acting here.

An interesting story in this one, is how a pretty good drama got overlooked despite a good cast and good performances. I think it just has to do with the fact that Rains character does seem a little contrived. The Harold French novel does a better job with Rains character than the screen play as Kees Popinga does not show emotion normally until late in the film. Then he goes off the edge and starts killing people.

I believe that anyone who likes the cast should see this one. It is worth their while even though the script could have been better.

The worm turns...but not quite enough.

[planktonrules · 6/10 · 9 March 2019]

Claude Rains plays Mr. Popinga, a loyal and relatively dull man who has worked for the same firm for many years. He wouldn't seem to have a vicious bone in his body nor any sort of larcenous attempt. One day, however, he comes upon his boss...and the boss was embezzling the company's funds! They struggle and the boss falls into the river--presumably to drown. His briefcase with all the money, however, is still there and Popinga takes it and flees the country. His plan is kind of nutty...to introduce himself to his ex-boss' sexy mistress and take up with her. This doesn't work out, however, as she laughs in his face....at least until she later learns he's got the money. How did she learn this? From a Dutch detective who is following Popinga.

The idea of a meek man turning like this is very interesting. What isn't as interesting is how dopey Popinga acts during a few portions of the film...at least when it comes to this mistress and hiding the stolen money. You wonder how long he'll team up with her and if he'll ever get wise to the fact that she is bad through and through.

Overall, a good film...nearly earning a 7 but I couldn't help but think they should have had Popinga behave more consistently clever as well as rotton once he got the money. Instead, it was if the writers weren't exactly sure to go with the character.

Cherchez la femme.

[brogmiller · 7/10 · 21 February 2024]

One wonders why Georges Simenon's novel has never been filmed by the French as this tale of a mild clerk's slow descent into insanity is a gift of a role for any number of first class Gallic thespians. If the part is to be played by a non-European then who better than the brilliant Claude Rains? Alas, not only is he too long in the tooth for the role, he deserves better than this loose and feeble adaptation directed by one whose films are not particularly memorable.

The scenes in Holland between Rains as Popinga, his unscrupulous boss Koster played by Herbert Lom and the dandified detective Lucas of Marius Goring show great promise but once the scene changes to Paris the film seems to lose focus. In the novel Popinga strangles Koster's mistress but this episode has been omitted which weakens both the drama and the character's development.

Otto Heller's cinematography is ravishing as is the fascinating but ill-fated Marta Tóren while Rains' ability to gain our sympathy has not diminished but for this viewer at any rate the whole enterprise lacks that indefinable 'edge' and somehow fails to grip. It makes one appreciate even more the qualities of French Film Noir.

"We have a reputation, integrity and honesty."

[classicsoncall · 6/10 · 16 December 2022]

I watched this film under the title "The Man Who Watches Trains Go By", not exactly an appropriate one since the film's leading man, Claude Rains, only had a fascination for the sound of trains as they rumbled in the distance, with a particular soft spot for the Paris Express. But when he confronts his boss of eighteen years at de Koster's (Herbert Lom) company for burning his meticulous record keeping, Kees Popinga (Rains) makes a snap decision to abscond with the company funds de Koster was attempting to run off with to engage with a French prostitute (Märta Torén). Julius de Koster himself dies in a clumsily directed scene by falling into a canal and presumably drowning while scuffling with Popinga. It wasn't exactly murder on Popinga's part, but for some reason, Popinga hangs on to the illusion of murder throughout the story, particularly in relation to detective Lucas (Marius Goring), and the French mistress Michèle Rozier, who Popinga now finds himself attracted to, desiring a fling at adventure he's never been accustomed to. That whole idea didn't seem to make sense to me, until it became quite evident at the finale that Popinga was slowly cracking under the strain of de Koster's death and his own theft of the company's money. Despite the suspense built by film's story line, I found the resolution to be somewhat unsatisfying as it seems to get frittered away with Popinga's descent into madness, with no real accountability for his guilt unless one imagines what might occur when the curtain goes down on the picture.

British film in Paris

[SnoopyStyle · 6/10 · 2 April 2021]

Chief clerk Kees Popinga (Claude Rains) realizes that the owner De Koster has been stealing money from their Dutch company. The police from France is investigating. Apparently, De Koster has been planning to take the money and escape to his Parisian girlfriend Michèle Rozier. Popinga catches De Koster burning the books at the office. He has had enough of De Koster's lies and ends up killing his boss. He runs away with the money and encounters police investigator Lucas on the train back home to Paris.

I'm not sure why he would run to De Koster's girlfriend unless he has fallen in love over a picture. There seems to be no plans. I appreciate that he's flustered and clueless in a way. I just don't understand what he's trying to do going to Rozier. It seems more likely that she would steal the money for herself. He could run away to anywhere else and whoever else. Otherwise, it's interesting to watch this crime drama happening in post-war Paris. It's very much more British than French. This is no New Wave.

Fascinatingly Simenon

[lawnswoodsman · 9/10 · 30 June 2016]

As comes across in so many of his Maigret stories, Georges Simenon always loved to depict how any group or locality was characterized by its own particular attitudes and social mores. In this tale of two cities, Simenon has matched unsophisticated dull respectable Protestant Groningen in the northern Netherlands against wicked exciting corrupting Paris. This contrast (though set out less clearly than in the novel) establishes the context for the movie.

Good-natured earnest Kees Popinga (Claude Rains) exemplifies Groningen. His boss Julius de Koster (Herbert Lom), seduced by Parisien temptress Michele (Marta Toren), bankrupts his firm and flees, only to meet his death. Fearing suspicion of murder and with a growing taste for adventure, Kees finds himself en route to Paris with de Koster's stolen money to seek out Michele. Sympathetic Paris cop Lucas (Marius Goring) pursues Kees wanting to save him from a further fall from grace.

This prelude sets the stage for all that is to follow. Must Kees fall victim to the treacherous Michele? to her dangerous lover Louis (Ferdy Maine)? or to the progressively corrupting influence of Paris? Or can the innate goodness of Kees redeem Michele? And can Lucas prevent a tragedy? The acting is of a high quality. We care about the outcome and our concern for Kees sustains our suspense. We are kept guessing to the last.

Strong cast gives this one a lift

[gridoon2024 · 6/10 · 20 February 2022]

"The Man Who Watched Trains Go By" has a good man-with-dull-routine-life-breaks-away start, later slips into familiar man-on-the-run patterns, but does have a surprise at the end (to me, at least). A strong cast makes the most of it, with the sultry Marta Toren a splendid femme fatale. **1/2 out of 4.

Great acting and relationships save yet another flawed film...

[tdefelic · 29 January 2012]

I enjoyed this little, quiet movie enough to watch it twice in a row, despite the bad quality of the print I was watching. Claude Rains is heartbreaking as an obedient, flawlessly accurate little bookkeeper so devoted to his boss (Herbert Lom)that he is blind to the fact that he's an adulterer and a thief that has ransacked the companies funds, and is planning to declare bankruptcy and run away with his little floozy (Marta Toren). Of course, Lom is not too clever about what he's doing, and Inspector Lucas (Marius Goring) is already sniffing around long before Rains does anything or knows anything. The story is modestly interesting, although there are some bits and pieces that are a little hard to swallow. The real value of the film is in the characterizations. Rains is convincing as a man repressing his impulses and desires until everything he understands about life and his place in it comes apart, and he lets go of all control. I love the quiet conversations between Goring's detective and Rains trembling, stammering suspect, as they enjoy a game of chess. We believe the detective is genuinely concerned about the little bookkeeper, and knows that something important is breaking down in this essentially good man. Unfortunately, the telling climactic scenes were so dark that I almost had to guess what happened. This film needs to be restored. Somehow the director made it seem like the only people in Paris were Rains, Goring, and a handful of miscreants. Nice claustrophobic feel. Worth a look.

The Man Who Watched Trains Go By

[CinemaSerf · 6/10 · 7 February 2024]

Claude Rains ("Mr. Popinga") discovers that his boss (Herbert Lom) has been fiddling the books, and so bankrupting his company - so he can abscond to Paris with his fancy woman. When he catches his employer in the act of burning his ledgers, the two have a contretemps near a canal that has tragic results. Instead of Lom, it is Rains who heads to Paris where he meets the aforementioned lady (the glamorous, but wooden, Märta Torén), and her rather unpleasant friends - including the real love of her life "Louis" (Ferdy Mayne) - who want the money he brought with him from Holland, and which he has rather prudently hidden. All of this has not gone unnoticed by "Lucas" (Marius Goring) who was already investigating some curious currency transactions before alighting on Lom's company, and now on his suspected former chief clerk. It is quite an nice film to look at - Paris in the early 1950s was an attractive city which this photography shows off well, but the plot takes far too long to get going and though Rains is on good form as the mild mannered man whose attitudes are changed by necessity (and who finds that he has quite a taste for a life that lots of money can buy) really quite well, he receives little by way of support from anyone else - except, perhaps, Goring and the pace is just slow with no real conclusion.

Where They're Heading Is Not Where You Think

[boblipton · 6/10 · 7 April 2024]

Claude Raines is the head book keeper of a 300-year-old financial firm in a small Dutch city. He's a dull fellow, whose principal pride is the accuracy of his books, and his hobby is to know where every train is going; he himself has never been anywhere but Amsterdam, and that was on business. When French detective Marius Goring wants to look at the books in an investigation of the Parisian black market, Raines can attest to only the last eighteen years; his predecessors are another matter. But his world is shattered when he discovered boss Herbert Lom burning the books, and confessing to the company being bankrupt. Raines knows Lom has a petite amie he saw off on the morning train bound for Paris. So Raines takes 200,000 guilders and heads for Paris himself, with no clear plan.

The brilliance of the cast emphasizes how inexpensive real talent was for the British film industry, especially when you told them the movie was going to be shot at Nettleford. The pacing is excellent, with Raines' evolution from smugly meek autocrat of the dinner table to knifing prostitutes quite believable.

I admit to some surprise at that typical British glow to the Technicolor print. Some people claim it was due to the humidity in the air at the studios. However, location shooting in Paris and Amsterdam still shows that luster. Perhaps it was the print production facilities that did it....

A Georges Simenon Treat

[theowinthrop · 8/10 · 23 June 2006]

Most people think of the name "Georges Simenon" and can only recall Inspector Maigret. Even Agatha Christie has two detectives to her credit (Poirot and Miss Marple), and Conan Doyle did create the science fiction hero Professor Challenger besides Holmes. But Maigret is forever linked to the psychological/sociological thrillers concerning Maigret. Yet he did write other novels without his plump inspector. One is THE MAN WHO WATCHED THE TRAINS GO BY.

Claude Rains is a family man in a textile firm in Holland, and is a model husband, father, and employee/clerk. But he has a yearning to travel. He wants to see the world. His sense of responsibility prevents it.

Rains works for Herbert Lom. Lom inherited his company from a line of family owners through his father. It is several hundred years old. Lom appears to have great probity and honesty. He won't hire old Felix Aylmer because Aylmer's firm collapsed under questionable circumstances. So honest does Lom seem that Rains and the other employees were convinced to invest their savings in his firm.

But then, one day, a police inspector (Marius Goring) comes to the firm to talk to Lom about his relationship with Marta Toren, a questionable (if beautiful) French woman. Raines listens to part of the interrogation, which Lom barely goes through with dignity in tact. This makes Raines nervous. That night, he goes for a private walk after dinner, and finds himself back at the business. He sees Lom emptying out the firm's safe. Lom is confronted by Raines, and in their struggling Lom falls into a canal and drowns. Goring turns up (he was coming back to the business to look over the books again), and questions Raines about why Lom was at the business. Raines (who has hidden the satchel with the money) says that he couldn't answer, and suggests Lom may have been planning suicide.

Goring is thoroughly suspicious, and keeps tabs on Rains, who does not go home, but decides to take the money and see Paris. And in Paris he hunts up Toren - and suggests that they take up where the deceased Lom left off. Toren is not keen on this, and tries to strong-arm Rains out of the picture using her friends Ferdy Main and Eric Pohlmann. At that point I will leave the further details of the novel/movie. It is a study of a desperate middle aged man who takes a last opportunity to vary the drudgery of his existence with some sparkle and pleasure, even though it is doomed due to the source of the money it takes to achieve the sparkle and the pleasure. All the cast is good (Aylmer is used only in one scene, unfortunately), but Rains is terrific as a desperately unhappy man who is trying to grab his last possible chance at happiness.

Implausible Simenon tale saved by excellent Claude Rains performance

[robert-temple-1 · 6 May 2010]

This is a rarity, an obscure colour film starring Claude Rains late in his career (he was 63), in a film noir. Rains plays a quiet and respectable Chief Clerk of a Dutch manufacturing firm which is owned by Herbert Lom and his aged father. Unknown to everyone, Lom has been obsessed for some time by a scheming and criminal Parisian tart, played tempestuously by Marta Toren. He has looted the company of all of its cash and left it a bankrupt shell, prior to running off to Paris to a new life with his beloved. This is discovered at the last minute by Rains, who has sunk his entire family's savings in the company, and hence lost them. Rains snaps and turns on Lom, pushing him into a canal in a rage, where Lom drowns. Rains takes Lom's suitcase containing all the company's remaining cash and runs off to Paris, which he has always wanted to visit. He has been a train-spotter all his life, and for years has been noting the passage of the Paris Express. Now at last he is on it. Marius Goring is a Dutch policeman who suspects Lom, and now trails Rains. When he arrives in Paris, Rains wants to find Marta Toren and he asks directions of a young prostitute in the street, played by the 20 year-old Anouk Aimée. She is listed in the front credits as Aimée Anouk, and in the end credits simply as 'Anouk'. So she was clearly having difficulty making up her mind her she was, or who she was to be, at that time. Like so many interesting mature actresses, she was very boring as a 20 year-old and makes little impression in her small role. (Another example of a fascinating mature actress being boring when young is Juliette Binoche, as I remarked in my review of RENDEZ-VOUS, 1985.) Eventually, Rains meets up with Toren, who at first laughs at him as a ridiculous old man and throws him out. But her attitude towards him changes when she realizes he has Lom's money. Things go from bad to worse, as Rains sinks deeper and deeper into delusion and intrigue. The film is not particularly convincing, and is only mildly interesting in itself, but the performance of Claude Rains is masterful, and truly makes something out of nothing, or should I say genuinely produces a silk purse out of a sow's ear. Admirers of Claude Rains will like watching this. But my goodness, Simenon has had a rough time of it, with films called THE MAN …, because his novel made as the film THE MAN FROM London (A LONDONI FERFI, 2007, see my review) is simply appalling, being 'the slowest film ever made'. Why do people buy the rights to Simenon novels and then not take proper trouble over filming them correctly?

A Sleeper Noir With Rains As Seldom Seen

[dougdoepke · 1 March 2021]

Several years earlier this Technicolor film would have been filmed in b&w at Warner's or RKO instead of an English studio. Nonetheless, it's still noir all the way, with Rains as the fall guy, Toren as the spider woman, and trains as fate symbolizing the life that's passing Rains by. His dull company clerk, Popinga, has a bland conventional life in Holland with a wife and two kids. Oddly, he's fascinated by the sound of passing trains, knowing many are going to Paris, and a glamorous life he can only dream about. Then one day, fate takes over and soon the repressed Popinga is on that Paris train with his dreams appearing at last to come true. But then this is noir.

Rains is ace in his aging role, a long way from his usual sinister master-minds. In fact, the flick amounts to a Rains showcase as he spotlights about every scene. Good thing that there's leggy relief for us guys with the sexy likes of Toren and Anouk in their slinky outfits. Anyway, to me, it's an underrated noir, maybe because of its often bright coloring and European provenance. After all, American studios had wide avenues of movie distribution not so available to European others. Thus, the flick remains largely unknown to fans of noir, and qualifies as a possible sleeper; that is, if you can get past some of the plot stretches that may not pass you by, (especially the cat-and-mouse between Rains and Lucas). Also: I expect the morally ambiguous drowning accounts for the rather ambiguous ending that I wasn't expecting. Anyway, give it a try, especially if you would like to catch that passing train.

Trainspotter

[writers_reign · 20 November 2011]

Anyone who either remembers or is a nostalgia buff with a special interest in English actors of the forties and fifties will have a field day with this entry which wheels out the likes of Ferdy Mayne, Felix Aylmer, Herbert Lom, Eric Pohlman and Marius Goring in support of English-born (Camberwell) Claude Rains best remembered for his roles in vintage Hollywood fare (Four Daughters, Now, Voyager, Mr. Smith Goes To Washington, Casablanca etc), with Anouk Aimee making an early brief appearance. George Simenon penned the original novel several times (Temptation Harbour, anyone) and veteran journeyman Harold French directed with a sure touch and wrapped the whole thing up in eight reels. There was a succinct no-nonsense approach to story telling in those days thus well inside the first reel we know everything we need to in order to write the rest ourselves: we know that Rains is a long-time employee and now Chief clerk in a long established family business, that boss Herbert Lom has an exotic mistress (Marta Toren) and is on the verge of bankruptcy and when he tells the policeman (Marius Goring) who is suspicious, that Rains would never do anything dishonest we know that Rains will do just that and within two more reels. There are, of course, glaring flaws; example; Rains has never been to Paris and once there he is virtually on the run, a hooker (Anouk Aimee) takes him to a hot-bed hotel, Toren, after the 100,000 he has stolen from Lom, takes him to another hideout in the suburbs from which he is not only able to find the nightclub where she hangs out but also find his way back to the hideout where he stashed the cash. If we grant this a poetic license this is quite an enjoyable entry.