20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (1954)
Kirk Douglas: Ned Land
Photos
Quotes
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Captain Nemo : Eat your pudding, Mr. Land.
Ned Land : I ain't sure it's puddin'.
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Ned Land : [singing] Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads, a whale of a tale or two, 'bout the floppin' fish and the girls I've loved on nights like this with the moon above. A whale of a tale and it's all true, I swear by my tattoo. There was Mermaid Minnie; met her down in Madagascar. She would kiss me anytime that I would ask her. Then one evening, her flame of love blew out. Blow me down and pick me up, she swapped me for a trout!
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Captain Nemo : Mr. Land, you saved my life. Why?
Ned Land : That's a good question. Well, there's only one thing a fella can do when he's made a mistake as big as this.
Conseil : What?
Ned Land : Get drunk!
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Ned Land : [singing] Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads, a whale of a tale or two, 'bout the floppin' fish and the girls I've loved on nights like this with the moon above. A whale of a tale and it's all true, I swear by my tattoo. There was Typhoon Tessie; met her on the coast of Java. When we kissed, I bubbled up like molten lava. Then she gave me the scare of my young life. Blow me down and pick me up, she was the captain's wife!
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Ned Land : There's one thing you ought to know, Professor: Nemo's cracked. I've yet to see the day you can make a deal with a mad dog. So while you're feeding him sugar, I'll be figuring a plan to muzzle him.
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Captain Nemo : [Noticing that Ned is eating with his knife] There's a fork on your left, Mr. Land. Or aren't you accustomed to utensils?
Ned Land : Oh, I'm indifferent to 'em.
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[Ned cautiously samples his "pudding"]
Ned Land : What is it?
Captain Nemo : It's my own recipe: sauté of unborn octopus.
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Conseil : Cannibals! Hundreds of cannibals! Captain, Captain, scores of boats!
Ned Land : Captain, we're under attack!
Captain Nemo : Naturally, since you invaded their privacy, they have every right to invade ours.
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Ned Land : [after Captain Farragut announces that he is ending the search] Cheer up, Professor. You'll forget all about fishing when you see the gals in Saigon.
Professor Pierre Aronnax, narrator : I thought they promised you a bonus if you harpooned this monster, Mr. Land.
Ned Land : Knowing full well I couldn't collect it. When I get back, I'm shipping out on the first whaler that'll take me. I won't get rich, but I won't be sitting around picking my teeth with my harpoon.
Conseil : Maybe we are lucky. It might have sunk us.
Ned Land : You scare me. Be a good loser, Professor. The fish that got away is always the biggest one.
Conseil : Ah, what a pity, Professor. I know you had visions of that monster mounted in the National Museum.
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Ned Land : [watching Nemo's bomb explode] There she blows.
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[last lines]
Ned Land : [as Vulcania explodes] Sorry I had to wallop you, Professor. But there wasn't time to stop for souvenirs.
Prof. Pierre Arronax : Perhaps you did mankind a service, Ned.
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Sailor : [the warship's crew arrives too late to aid another ship after it explodes] I'm thinking she went down with all hands.
Professor Pierre Aronnax, narrator : Poor devils. Not a living soul left. What could have caused such a fearsome explosion?
Sailor : Black powder, and worse, a whole shipload of the stuff.
Ned Land : What could have set it off, though? She must have struck something.
Professor Pierre Aronnax, narrator : Or could it be that something struck the ship?
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Conseil : Why, Ned, you're not thinking of putting messages in these bottles, are you? That went out with Robinson Crusoe. You've forgotten this is the 19th Century.
Ned Land : There's something else I forgot.
[punches Conseil in the chin]
Ned Land : That's for spyin' on me. Don't let me catch you paddin' the shadow of my stern again. Remember that!
[Conseil rubs his chin, feelings hurt as well]
Ned Land : I don't like bashin' anybody. But you had it comin', lad.
Conseil : And I thought we were friends.
Ned Land : Sure, we're friends! Go ahead, hit me.
[sticks out his chin]
Conseil : You mean that?
Ned Land : [sticking his chin out further] Sure, go ahead! You can't miss it.
[Conseil surprises Ned with a punch to the gut]
Conseil : *Now* we're friends!
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Ned Land : Hey, Professor, where are ya going?
Professor Pierre Aronnax, narrator : My journal!
Ned Land : The island's gonna blow up any second!
Professor Pierre Aronnax, narrator : I must get my journal!
[Ned Land punches him and carries him out of the flooding chart room]