How to Be Very, Very Popular (1955)

Charles Coburn: Dr. Tweed

Quotes 

• Wedgewood : And, er, Mrs. Marshall, sir?

  Dr. Tweed : I've been calling Mrs. Marshall for three days, and for three days she's been in the shower... either a very dirty woman or a very clean one.

• Dr. Tweed : She knows every piece of scandal in town, whether its happened or not.

• Dr. Tweed : If I had a pistol, I'd shoot myself.

  Wedgewood : What seems to be the trouble, Sir?

  Dr. Tweed : I have murdered Santa Claus.

• Dr. Tweed : Look, you have no idea what a collection of hyenas we've got in this institution. During the panty raids last Spring, I thought I'd go absolutely crazy.

• Dr. Tweed : B.J. Marshall is said to be good for a million. And for a million, I would graduate a three-headed goat with honors. The President of a college like Bristol is not here to waste his time on nonsense like education. He's here to get the dough!

• Dr. Tweed : Well, only a few years ago, in fact, it was a rare night that didn't see me setting forth into the darkness, smoking a Turkish delight, and fairly reeking of toilet water.