How to Be Very, Very Popular (1955)

Fred Clark: B.J. Marshall

Quotes 

• B.J. Marshall : What's come over the old school, anyway. First, my son, an honor student, they lose him completely! The next thing I know I flush the President, an old crock about 150 years old, necking with one of the girls in the boys dormitory. Then what happens is the cops haul me down to the Police Station and try to tell me that I shot a Chinese hoochie-coochie dancer the other night.

• Miss 'Syl' Sylvester : All this dear boy intended to do was to watch the football game on television. And then it started. "Take a break. Drink some beer. Now, drink some more beer. Never mind the game, you just keep drinking beer. Drink the dry beer. Drink the wet beer. Drink the truly fine purple beer. Just pour it down, baby. Quarts and quarts and quarts of it. And to heck with this game. Turn this silly machine off and just drink, drink, drink, drink, drink." And you know what a dear, sweet, accommodating boy Toby is.

  B.J. Marshall : You mean he was gassed?

  Miss 'Syl' Sylvester : To the gills. And that's why he organized, you'll pardon the expression, the panty raid.

  B.J. Marshall : What's a - panty raid?

  Miss 'Syl' Sylvester : Oh, yes, you've been away. Well, a panty raid, if you'll forgive me again, is a new phenomenon in this country in which the boys of a school, bless their innocent hearts, are stirred by youth and the first touch of Spring in the air, to move en masse on the girls' dormitories and demand certain - tokens of gallantry.

  B.J. Marshall : And my Toby led one of those things?

  Miss 'Syl' Sylvester : The most successful in the history of Old Bristol!

• B.J. Marshall : This is going to knock Mrs. Marshall right on her bustle.

• Miss 'Syl' Sylvester : Never have I seen such a distressing day. Girls disrobing in public. People shooting each other in the presence of the faculty.

  B.J. Marshall : You think its distressing now, wait till I get my hands on that idiot Tweed.