Hell Is for Heroes (1962)

Bob Newhart: Pvt. James Driscoll

Quotes 

• Pfc. James E. Driscoll : [fake telephone conversation with "headquarters" to fool the Germans listening in]  Temple Red. This is Lt Driscoll.

  Pfc. James E. Driscoll : Wh- Don't send them up here. Sir, I have five men in each foxhole now. I don't have room for anymore, sir.

  Pfc. James E. Driscoll : Have you tried Charlie company, sir?

  Pfc. James E. Driscoll : Oh, I see. Well, sir, there's still a war going on in Japan, you know, sir, you might send them over there.

• Pfc. James E. Driscoll : But Sergeant, you don't understand. I was sent to clerk-typist school. That's all I've ever done in the army was type!

  Sgt. Jim Larkin : Man, we're gonna give you on the job training.

  Pvt. Dave Corby : What's up, Sergeant?

  Sgt. Jim Larkin : Take this man over to that foxhole next to Reese and teach him how to shoot.

  Pvt. Dave Corby : [Larkin hands him Driscoll's brand new rifle]  With this here? It might get dirty.

• Pfc. James E. Driscoll : [fake telephone conversation with "headquarters" to fool the Germans listening in]  Uh - Hi. Temple Red to - uh - Abel 6. This... This is Lt. Driscoll - the - uh - the entertainment officer.

  Pfc. James E. Driscoll : About the morale, sir, it's been rather low. Uh - the main complaint seems to be about the evening movie.

  Pfc. James E. Driscoll : Y-Yes, sir. I've had to show 'Road to Morocco' five evenings now in a row, sir.

  Pfc. James E. Driscoll : Well, the men are beginning to be a little surly, sir.

  Pfc. James E. Driscoll : Yes, sir. They know all the lines.

• Pfc. James E. Driscoll : [fake telephone conversation with "headquarters" to fool the Germans listening in]  We'll certainly be on the look out for it, sir.

  Pfc. James E. Driscoll : A Pfc, you say?

  Pfc. James E. Driscoll : With a load of typewriters in the back?

  Pfc. James E. Driscoll : Well if we see him, we'll contact you sir.

• Pfc. James E. Driscoll : Oh, they're supposed to taste like potato soup?

• Sgt. Jim Larkin : [after PVT Driscoll crashes his jeep near the front lines, only to have it commandeered by the platoon sergeant, SFC Pike. Without a ride back to the relative safety of Division Headquarters, Driscoll is instantly transformed into a frontline combat troop - albeit untrained]  Don't worry about Major Winston. He'll be mighty happy and proud when he hears you've volunteered for combat duty.

  Pfc. James E. Driscoll : But sergeant, you don't understand! I was sent to clerk-typist school. That's all I've ever done in the Army... was learn to type.

  Sgt. Jim Larkin : Man, we're gonna give you on-the-job training.