Green Acres (1965–1971)
Eddie Albert: Oliver Wendell Douglas, Calvin Whittaker, Charlie Foster, Cornelius Reinholt, Gus Thompson, Harry Wright, Horace Hooter, Jethro Bodine, Oliver's father
Photos
Quotes
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Lisa Douglas : When you married me you knew that I couldn't cook, I couldn't sew, and I couldn't keep house. All I could do was talk Hungarian and do imitations of Zsa Zsa Gabor.
Oliver Douglas : Who?
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Oliver Wendell Douglass : [after watching a "conversation" between Lisa and an oinking Arnold] How can you carry on a conversation with him? I can't understand a thing he's saying!
Lisa Douglas : That's because you don't LISTEN!
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Oliver Douglas : But he couldn't be dead.
Fred Ziffel : Oh, yes he could, I personally attended his funeral.
Oliver Douglas : Are you sure?
Fred Ziffel : I don't know what you do in New York, but around here we don't give a man a funeral unless we're pretty sure he needs one.
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Eustace Charleton Haney : [after learning Oliver and Lisa are going to be out of town for a few days] While yer away on yer trip, I thought you might like to avail yerself of Haney's Farm Mindin' Service.
Oliver Wendell Douglass : HANEY'S FARM MINDING SERVICE?
Eustace Charleton Haney : Yessir, at Haney's Farm Mindin' Service, for a nom-yew-nal fee we will move into yer house, eat yer food, drink yer likker, and turn away any unwanted relatives that might show up at yer door.
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[the Douglases are looking for clothes to donate to a rummage sale]
Oliver Douglas : Why don't we give away this one?
Lisa Douglas : No that's the dress I graduated from high school in.
Oliver Douglas : How about this one?
Lisa Douglas : That's the dress I wore the first day of college.
Oliver Douglas : [holding a black, low-cut dress] What about this one?
Lisa Douglas : That's the one I got expelled in.
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TV Kiddie Show Host : Sure, I remember that kid, he had on the most realistic looking pig costume I've ever seen. He won first prize!
Oliver Douglas : No, you don't understand, Arnold is a REAL PIG!
TV Kiddie Show Host : I'll say he is! We had five gallons of ice cream for those kids, and he ate every bit of it himself!
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Lisa Douglas : Why do you want to irritate your corn?
Oliver Douglas : Irrigate. It means put water on it.
Lisa Douglas : Won't that irritate it?
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Eustace Charleton Haney : [trying to hawk some worthless ceramic figurines off and claiming they're valuable] These are gen-yew-wine Siamese Catfish.
Oliver Wendell Douglass : SIAMESE CATFISH?
Eustace Charleton Haney : Well, they're still in the pussy stage.
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Sam Drucker : How 'bout a dehydrated chicken?
Oliver Douglas : A dehydrated chicken?
Sam Drucker : Yeah. Just add water and bones, and let it sit for a couple hours, and you might have your own reconstituted chicken.
Oliver Douglas : That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard.
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Oliver Douglas : You mallet head!
