Sat, Jan 3, 1970
The discovery of a Wish Book from 1898 leads Haney to tell the story of Calvin and Tessie Whittaker, who once owned the Douglases' house. When a magic lantern is mistakenly delivered by the catalog company, Calvin opens a Wall Picture Theater in Pixley, thrilling audiences with a slide of Abraham Lincoln standing on his head. Eventually he goes to Hollywood to pitch his ideas, but they aren't interested. They even scoff at his idea to put a mouse named Dickey into films. They love Tessie, however, and she becomes a silent film star.
Sat, Jan 10, 1970
Oliver's old friend, reporter Mort Warner, comes to Hooterville to relax and soothe his rattled nerves. He's ready to flee in less than one day. Mort is frightened by Lisa's syrupy coffee, hosed down with oil by Oliver's rickety tractor, and has his bed invaded by a TV-watching pig. Fred Ziffel peers at him naked in the outdoor shower, Mr. Haney gouges him with his phony Auto Club, the sheriff arrests him for stealing the Douglas' car, and quail-hunting Hank Kimball fills his behind with buckshot.
Sat, Jan 17, 1970
Old timbers collapse, trapping Oliver and Lisa in an old root cellar they've discovered under their house. Calling for help through the kitchen sink drain, the two await rescue by Eb, who hits his head and forgets about them Mr. Drucker puts him to bed and places a washcloth on his head.. The addled-brained Kimball tries to pull them up through the pipe using a plumber's helper. Their hopes ride on Arnold Ziffel and a game of charades he plays with Sam Drucker.
Sat, Jan 24, 1970
Oliver travels to New York to wrap up a case for his old law firm. While he's gone, Lisa and Eb take in a puppy left on the doorstep. When Lisa interrupts his meeting to tell him about "Little Freddie," she fails to mention the baby is a dog. Thinking she's found a human child, he tries to talk her into contacting the sheriff. She refuses, so Oliver abandons his case and races back home to Hooterville.
Sat, Jan 31, 1970
Oliver clears the room with a long-winded speech to the Bar Association advocating the hiring of ex-convicts. He regrets his words when he's forced into hiring Willie Dunhill, a man who's spent so many years in prison he can't adjust to life on the outside. When Willie's not reminiscing about his old criminals buddies in stir, he's calling Oliver "warden." Lisa picks up on his prison slang and starts talking like a B-movie gangster.
Sat, Feb 7, 1970
The rickety truck Haney delivers is not the modern one Oliver made a down payment on. He gives the con man until six PM to return his $200 down payment or face jail time for fraud and possible larceny. Oliver also has cow troubles as Colby's bovine keeps coming over and stomping on his already puny crops. He attempts to scare Irene away by firing a shotgun into the air; instead, it frightens advertising men who think they're being shot at. As they speed away, a life-sized fiberglass cow flies off their roof. Lisa and Eb find it and assume Oliver is a cold-blooded "cow shooster." Haney realizes it's a phony and uses it to his financial advantage by selling and reselling it a few times.
Top-rated
Sat, Feb 14, 1970
In just his first day as School Board President, Oliver starts a grammar school protest. The kids are upset that their mascot, Arnold, has been thrown out for popping his teacher with a pea shooter. Fred Ziffel asks Oliver to represent his "son" on the grounds that he suffered discrimination, but all Oliver can do is badger the school's determined principal. The pig's ticket back into the education system comes when he wins the student art contest with his painting "Nude at a Filling Station."
Top-rated
Sat, Feb 28, 1970
Oliver's tax refund check motivates the farmers of Hooterville to request their refunds, too. Not understanding that you have to actually pay taxes first, they write in and state their losses for the last ten years. Thanks to a bad ball bearing in the government computer, the locals receive more than $500,000. By the time the IRS shows up to reclaim its money, the Hootervillians have invested their new wealth in Mr. Haney's monkey racing track. To avoid bad press, the government reluctantly becomes a silent partner in the enterprise where small simians chase after a wooden bouncing banana.
Sat, Mar 7, 1970
Oliver wants to have a simple, romantic Sunday picnic with Lisa. His afternoon for two turns into an irritating crowd when everyone invites themselves and tags along. Joining the couple are Eb, his girlfriend Linda and her accordion, her parents, Sam Drucker, his date and her sousaphone, Hank Kimball, Linda's Grandpa and some old lady he hit on at the gas station. That night, Oliver and Lisa take refuge in the barn when the crowd shows up at their house to drink their champagne, eat their caviar, and celebrate Grandpa's engagement.
Sat, Mar 21, 1970
Eleven-year-old Dinky Watson's wild story about his recent trip to the moon enthralls Eb and Lisa. Oliver believes none of it, especially after the kid sells Lisa a "moon rock" for $14. But once the rock stars beeping under the moonlight (and whenever Arnold oinks at it), Oliver suspects he's the subject of a practical joke. Oliver has his doctor X-ray it, but comes up with nothing. Fearing he's cracking up, he ships it off to NASA for their scientists to examine.
Sat, Mar 28, 1970
Lisa's skittish Uncle Fedor uses the Douglas' home to hide out--mostly under the bed and sofa. He claims he's on the run from the Secret Police who want him for a valuable formula he's smuggling out of Hungary. When a man with a scar shows up in Hooterville asking questions, his wild tale starts to seem believable. Skeptical Oliver contends the whole story is phony and Fedor's just a relative who's come to mooch off of them for a while.
Sat, Apr 4, 1970
Eb advertises himself as a wealthy landowner in a magazine personal ad. As he begins communicating with a young woman with a Park Avenue address, the lies about his worth and adventures become progressively exaggerated. When Celia does the unthinkable and comes for a visit, Eb keeps up the charade. He hires Haney to act as his chauffeur and passes off the Douglases as poor sharecroppers who work for him. Oliver forces him to tell her the truth, but Celia has to leave anyway; her father has sent a limo to bring her back to New York.
Sat, Apr 11, 1970
Oliver is irritated to be sharing his birthday with Arnold Ziffel, partially because the pig is getting so much attention. Even after Haney pitches him on a selection of ridiculous gifts, he refuses to buy Arnold a present. This proves embarrassing when the Ziffel "boy" gives him an electric snout warmer. Even though he requested no celebration, Oliver's convinced that Lisa is throwing a surprise party, so he puts on his tux and goes all around Hooterville looking for it. He gets a surprise, but it's not a party.
Tue, Sep 15, 1970
Oliver invites four city children to spend a week on the farm. While Oliver teaches them to plant seeds and milk a cow, Lisa falls in love with the little girl of the group, Lori. The two bond while canning jars of Lisa's newest creation, banana jelly. Lisa talks Oliver into letting Lori stay for another month.
Tue, Sep 22, 1970
Lori, the little city-girl who missed the train back to the city, is staying on the farm. Lisa's plans to introduce her to the local children by having a party, get out of hand; the festivities grow to include an elephant and Haney giving biplane rides. While Oliver fights to downsize her event, he searches for a replacement part for his ancient Hoyt-Clagwell tractor so he can begin planting.
Tue, Sep 29, 1970
Eb won't stop badgering "Dad" to buy him a car even though an increasingly irritated Oliver keeps saying no. Noticing how his "parents" are lavishing a fortune on Lori with a new bicycle and rented piano, he feels replaced in the Douglas family and runs away to find a new job. He stops by Drucker's store just long enough to tell Sam how Oliver keeps him locked in leg irons and lost his $4000 on a drunken gambling spree in Las Vegas. Eb quickly returns home to discover Oliver isn't the monster he's been claiming.
Tue, Oct 6, 1970
Lisa gives yet another conflicting version of how she and Oliver met. She tells Lori that she was sharing a Paris apartment with her father, the deposed King of Hungary. While he was scheming his return to power, Lisa was a waitress at a sidewalk café when Oliver Douglas stopped by for six bottles of champagne. The King wants her to marry a baron who can bankroll his army, but Lisa is in love with the penniless American.
Tue, Oct 20, 1970
After saying goodbye to Lori at the airport, a distraught Lisa seeks a job to fill her days. Gossip Haney spots her in line at the County Welfare Office and assumes she's there for the free soup. Soon, Hooterville's convinced Oliver has squandered all his money and sent his wife out to find a job. Eb pawns Oliver's car for cash and the locals bring food.
Tue, Nov 10, 1970
Ed falls head over heels for Carol, the attractive new new schoolteacher in town. He asks her to the dance, forgetting he already has a date with his girlfriend Darlene. He ignores Oliver's advice, instead listening to Mr. Haney and tells Darlene that he has a wife in Racine, Wisconsin. Darlene's father, angry over this news, takes his displeasure out on Oliver's nose
Tue, Nov 24, 1970
The Douglases give Eb two acres of land so he can build a house for himself and his future bride, but the boy's only saved $538 for the job. He schemes to raise a down payment for a loan by turning the Douglas farm into a trash dump, a trailer camp, and a honeymoon getaway. To irritate Oliver further, he's forced into a dinner with Eb's future in-laws, the Wheelers, who keep accusing him of being an alcoholic.
Tue, Dec 1, 1970
An embezzler who's a dead ringer for Oliver hides out in Pixley with his wife until the heat is off. Eb spots the crook kissing his moll and assumes it's Oliver cheating on "Mom." Haney also spots the look-alike with a blonde and tries to blackmail Oliver into buying a hideous painting by Pablum Picarasso. When the cops show up, the real Oliver's the first one arrested. With both the real and fake Oliver in custody, the authorities ask Lisa to identify who's who.
Tue, Dec 8, 1970
Wanting a better paying career, Eb enters the accounting program of a correspondence school. When they mistakenly enroll him in their acting course, Eb believes it's destiny calling. Despite a disastrous attempt at makeup, he studies by dramatizing everyday events; a boring meal becomes dinner with King Louis XIV with Lisa as his serving "wrench"
Tue, Dec 22, 1970
Lisa sulks when Oliver refuses to take her to New York for a big party. Meanwhile, Eb has begun hanging out with his new little, chubby, invisible friend Charlie. Not to be left out, Lisa fabricates Natasha, and then Oliver makes up Homer to spite the other two. A few days of this has Oliver thinking Eb needs a doctor. When trying to explain all of this foolishness to the sheriff, Oliver is the one who ends up looking screwy.
Tue, Dec 29, 1970
Darlene's dad puts a stop to her engagement when Eb presents her with a watch fob. Lisa lets Eb have the $2000 ring Oliver gave her during their engagement, and everybody's happy until Mr. Wheeler has it appraised. Learning that the ring's worth only $8 even makes Oliver mad. Since Wheeler seems more interested in money than love, Lisa has a chat with him in a language he understands.