- Jackson Two-Bears: Kid, Kid, what a time to fall off the wagon. Look at your eyes.
- Kid Shelleen: What's wrong with my eyes?
- Jackson Two-Bears: Well they're red, bloodshot.
- Kid Shelleen: You ought to see 'em from my side.
- Jackson Two-Bears: He's a murderer, a hired killer. His nose was bit off in a fight.
- Frankie Ballou: If I was gonna be scared, I'd be scared of the fella who bit it off, not him!
- [after a drunken Kid Sheleen shoots at a target on the barn]
- Clay Boone: He did it! He missed the barn!
- Professor Sam The Shade, The Sunrise Kid: [both Sam The Shade and The Sunrise Kid - as narrators/singers] Round and round and round they went, 'til man and gal and beast were spent. Round and round and round they rode... Oh, what an episode!
- [Jackson slugs Clay]
- Clay Boone: Well, what was that for?
- Jackson Two-Bears: Well, everyone else was doin' it. I got the right to share in the fun without regard to race, creed or color according to the Fourteenth Amendment.
- Kid Shelleen: Let's have a drink for old times' sake.
- Butch Cassidy: Old times' sake? That means you got no cash.
- Clay Boone: We can't hold up the train.
- Cat Ballou: Why not?
- Clay Boone: Lots of reasons.
- Cat Ballou: Name 'em.
- Clay Boone: We're rustlers, not train robbers.
- Cat Ballou: Well, if people didn't try something new, there wouldn't be hardly any progress at all.
- Jed: [to Cat, on the train] Ma'am, I apologize for my disgusting condition and I assure you I will not inflict myself on you any further.
- Professor Sam The Shade: [singing] She has the smile of an angel.
- The Sunrise Kid: [singing] Fights like the devil.
- Professor Sam The Shade: [singing] The eyes of an angel.
- The Sunrise Kid: [singing] Bites like the devil.
- Professor Sam The Shade: [singing] The face of an angel.
- The Sunrise Kid: [singing] I say, she's the devil.
- Professor Sam The Shade: [singing] She's mean and evil through and through.
- The Sunrise Kid: Cat Ballou.
- Professor Sam The Shade: Cat Ballou.
- Professor Sam The Shade, The Sunrise Kid: [singing] She's mean and evil through and through.
- Kid Shelleen: At first you don't think you can stand to get hit, then you realize you can take it 'cause the blood don't matter, and you know you're gonna live. It's a great gift I'm goin' to give you - to know it don't hurt to fight!
- Cat Ballou: Jackson, what's happening?
- Jackson Two-Bears: It's ghost sickness.
- Cat Ballou: What's that?
- Jackson Two-Bears: In this Indian religion, see, we believe what the gods did when they made a man crazy was they made him fall in love.
- Frankie Ballou: Well now, there's a game for a sheriff - liar's poker. We got our unemployed off the street and made Wolf City safe all in one brilliant stroke.
- Kid Shelleen: Yeah, it's all over in Dodge. Tombstone, too; Cheyenne, Deadwood, all gone, all dead and gone. Why, the last time I came through Tombstone, the big excitement there was about the new rollerskate rink that they had laid out over the OK Corral. I'll tell you something else, I used to work for the Buffalo Bill Wild West Show and a Congress of Rough Riders. And I rescued many stagecoach passengers from road agents and drunkard injuns... in the nick of time! Twice a day, three times on Saturday.
- Cat Ballou: [returning to the Hole in the Wall after the train robbery] We did it, Mr. Cassidy. My gang! It's just the beginning. We'll wipe out Wolf City! You help me and I'll make you rich.
- Butch Cassidy: [reading the payroll bags] Wolf City Development. Property: H. Percival. She stole their payroll, Hedda.
- Cat Ballou: Of course.
- Butch Cassidy: You ever hear of Mr. Sir Harry Percival? He owns Wolf City Development, which owns Wolf City... which lets us alone. We don't bother them nor Sir Harry Percival, and they don't bother us.
- Cat Ballou: Sir Harry Percival. That's the man I should be after.
- Butch Cassidy: How you gonna find him?
- Cat Ballou: You won't help us?
- Butch Cassidy: Cut our own throats?
- Cat Ballou: Hole in the Wall's impregnable.
- Butch Cassidy: No such thing. It's more trouble than we're worth to dig us out. Now you made it worthwhile!
- Cat Ballou: Some gang of cutthroats and murderers. We used to whisper your names when we were kids - scared to say them out loud. How sad - you got old.
- [first lines]
- Professor Sam The Shade, The Sunrise Kid: [singing] Well now friends just lend an ear for you're now about to hear the Ballad of Cat Ballou.
- Professor Sam The Shade: [singing] There are tear drops in her heart but they can't make her cry. / There are tear drops in her heart but they can't make her cry. / She's lost all the kin that she's known, and the tears will turn into stone / All the teardrops in her heart, 'cause they can't make her cry.
- Sir Harry Percival: [shows her the bedroom on the train] This is the master bedroom. Do you approve?
- Cat Ballou: Oh, it's swell. A regular Tintoretto!
- Cat Ballou: [Looks at Frankie Ballou, lying in coffin] Why is he smiling like that? My father never smiled like that in his whole life?
- [Cat looks in the coffin again, appalled]
- Undertaker: Well, he's going to smile like that forever, now. Courtesy of the Wolf City Development Company.
- Cat Ballou: Sir Harry Percival, I presume.
- Sir Harry Percival: Really, roughing it on the frontier - how delightful!
- Cat Ballou: [as Cat remove her cape to reveal a very low cut dress] Oh, you like our wide open spaces?
- [last lines]
- Professor Sam The Shade, The Sunrise Kid: [singing] So she rode away, just where now is a mystery, / But Cat rode into history and her legend grew. / She was the Queen of the outlaws, / Her Highness Cat Ballou. / Cat Ballou, Cat Ballou. / Well, our story now is through.
- The Sunrise Kid: [singing] Cat Ballou.
- Professor Sam The Shade: [singing] Cat Ballou.
- Professor Sam The Shade, The Sunrise Kid: [singing] We'll say farewell to Cat Ballou.
- Jed: Build you life anew, ma'am. This studyin' on revenge is just turnin' your back on the future and lettin' the dead past eat at your heart.
- Sir Harry Percival: A little wine with music...
- [Sir Harry winds his gramophone]
- Sir Harry Percival: ...a little Nineteenth Century science, Stone Age atmosphere, Cave Man passion...
- Professor Sam The Shade, The Sunrise Kid: [singing] Then there came to town, a gun deadly and frightening / A gun quicker than lightening, fasted gun you've seen. / It was the gun in the hand of Eli 'Kid' Sheleen.
- Sheriff Cardigan: [the Sheriff comes to take Cat Ballou to the gallows] Well, it's time. Come on, don't just dawdle. Everybody's waiting.
- Cat Ballou: Waiting?
- Sheriff Cardigan: Looking forward to it, I might say.
- Cat Ballou: I'm sorry they don't like me.
- Sheriff Cardigan: You can't blame them, can you? Killing Sir Harry put the kibosh on the whole slaughterhouse. No jobs. No payroll. You took the bread out of half the mouths of Wolf City. You haven't got any friends.
- Professor Sam The Shade, The Sunrise Kid: [opening scene, singing] Well now friends. Just lend an ear, for you're now about to hear. The Ballad of Cat Ballou. It's a song that's newly made. And Professor Samuel Shade, and the Sunrise Kid are singing it for you. Cat Ballou-u-u. Cat Ballou-u-u. Cat Ballou-u-u.
- Professor Sam The Shade, The Sunrise Kid: [singing] It's a hanging day in Wolf City, Wyoming. Wolf City, Wyoming in 1894. They're gonna drop Cat Ballou. Through that gallows' floor.
- Professor Sam The Shade, The Sunrise Kid: [singing] She killed a man ln Wolf City, Wyoming. Wolf City, Wyoming. Killed a man, it's true. And that is why they're hanging. Hanging Cat Ballou.
- Professor Sam The Shade: [singing] She has the smile of an angel.
- The Sunrise Kid: Fights like the devil.
- Professor Sam The Shade: [singing] The eyes of an angel.
- The Sunrise Kid: Bites like the devil.
- Professor Sam The Shade: [singing] The face of an angel.
- The Sunrise Kid: I say she's the devil.
- Professor Sam The Shade, The Sunrise Kid: [singing] She's mean and evil through and through. Cat Ballou. Cat Ballou-u-u. She's mean and evil through and through.
- Cat Ballou: Oh, look at that: a painting on the ceiling!
- Sir Harry Percival: Oh, yes. That's a Tintoretto.
- Cat Ballou: I'll say it is.
- Cat Ballou: They're trying to drive him off his ranch! They put manure in his well, they made him talk to lawyers...
- Clay Boone: I think we'll go to St. Louis.
- Cat Ballou: St. Louis?
- Clay Boone: Yeah, St. Louis! City on the Missouri, railhead of the Santa Fe, jump off for the Oregon Trail - producers of beef, beer, shoes and, ah, good times.
- Frankie Ballou: [coming home from a drunken brawl] ... and some of them, the very few, Stay pickled 'til they're ninety-twoooo!
- [literally falls off the wagon]
- Professor Sam The Shade, The Sunrise Kid: [singing] Cat Ballou, wicked through and through / They'll now be hanging Cat Ballou.
- Cat Ballou: What are you doing here?
- Clay Boone: Looking for you.
- Cat Ballou: But you're an outlaw.
- Clay Boone: Sure am! Got a price on my head!
- Cat Ballou: Shh...
- Clay Boone: Twenty five dollars for Jed, thirty five dollars for me. Ha ha!
- Jed: I want to thank you ma'am for all your help with my nephew and I.
- Cat Ballou: You killed my Father!
- Sheriff Cardigan: Oh, that can't be. He's been sitting right there all morning.
- Cat Ballou: No, I saw him.
- Man #1: He hasn't been out that rocker all morning long.
- Man #2: It's a fact.
- Cat Ballou: Why do you say that?
- Sheriff Cardigan: Just telling the truth.
- Cat Ballou: All right! You all say you love me and are beholden to me, and "take it easy Cat. We're gonna take care of you!"
- Sir Harry Percival: [Cat Ballou, masquerading as Trixie, has just pulled her Derringer pistol on him] My wallet is in the top drawer. But you'll never get away with this, Trixie.
- Cat Ballou: My name isn't Trixie, Sir Harry. It's Catherine. And I'm Frankie Ballou's daughter.
- Sir Harry Percival: So *you're* Cat Ballou, huh?
- Cat Ballou: [pulls out a document] Sign this.
- Sir Harry Percival: What is it?
- Cat Ballou: A confession that you ordered the hiring of Tim Strawn - and are responsible for the murder of my father. Sign it!
- Sir Harry Percival: [crosses his arms, chuckles casually] And if I refuse to sign it?
- Cat Ballou: I'll kill you!
- Sir Harry Percival: Now, why do I doubt that?
- Cat Ballou: [with even more conviction] Don't you doubt it, Sir Harry.
- Sir Harry Percival: But I do. I don't think you have it in you, Miss Ballou.
- Sir Harry Percival: Give me that gun.
- [a brief struggle ensues. A shot is fired, Sir Harry falls to the floor, fatally wounded]
- Cat Ballou: Jackson, what's happening?
- Jackson Two-Bears: It's ghost sickness.
- Cat Ballou: What's that?
- Jackson Two-Bears: In this Indian religion, see, we believe what the gods did when they made a man crazy was they made him fall in love.
- Cat Ballou: Well, that's very poetic, Jackson. But what does that have to do with us? Who's in love? And with who?
- Jackson Two-Bears: [correcting her grammar] With "whom."
- Jackson Two-Bears: [chuckles] Well, now, that's another question.
- Cat Ballou: Jackson, what am I gonna' do?
- Jackson Two-Bears: Ain't much you can do about it. I reckon I'll see you later, ma'am.