Don't Make Waves (1967)
Tony Curtis: Carlo Cofield
Photos
Quotes
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Carlo Cofield : You know what I want? A box of twenty-five Monte Cristo panatellas. I want a king-size vibrator bed. I want a 35mm. Hasselblad, a Rolls-Royce convertible. I want driving gloves made from the underside of antelope ears. A bold men's cologne for the man who does something to women. A cashmere double-breasted jacket that's going to get me there first.
Laura Califatti : Get where?
Carlo Cofield : Doesn't matter. I want to be where the action is. I want to live a life of understated elegance.
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Laura Califatti : They use a new process. It was aromarama. You could smell it!
Carlo Cofield : Smell what? Smelt the picture?
Laura Califatti : Yes!... You know, they fixed up the theater so that with every scene there was a different smell. In one scene, I lured this man to a small rose garden and the audience was supposed to smell roses. They pushed this - eh, eh, this, eh...
Carlo Cofield : Spray?
Laura Califatti : This spray. This spray - the rose - the smell of roses. But, they make a mistake - and the audience smells fish.
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Carlo Cofield : Were you in a lot of pictures?
Laura Califatti : No. I have been only in this one.
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Carlo Cofield : What do you do now? I mean, for a living?
Laura Califatti : I live! I live a rich life. I have my work and for me that is everything.
Carlo Cofield : Well, I'd like to live a rich life too.
Laura Califatti : We must all live a full life. A rich life!
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Laura Califatti : Listen, I live here alone. I let you sleep in my house, because, I know you will - you will not make a stupid attempt. Heh? You will behave. Heh? With some men, a woman is not secure. But, you're not such a man.
Carlo Cofield : I'm not, huh?
Laura Califatti : No. You're a friend. Ciao!
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Laura Califatti : [to Rod] It is because you don't love me. Only a fool could believe it. Only a fool or someone who didn't care. Why have no jealousy for the one you love? He is my lover!
Carlo Cofield : Oh, no, no!
Laura Califatti : He takes me when he pleases!
Carlo Cofield : Oh, no, no.
Laura Califatti : We are mad for each other! Tell him!
Carlo Cofield : I'm not her lover.
Laura Califatti : Ah, grazie, grazie...
Rod Prescott : What is your line there, lover boy? You a dance instructor? A paid escort? A hairdresser?
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Jim Backus : Do you want to hear me do Mr. Magoo?
Carlo Cofield : Oh, I'd love to. Please do.
Jim Backus : Ha-ha, by George. I'll show you the blue - prints.
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Carlo Cofield : Pecs?
Millie Gunder : Pecs, Abs, Glutes!
Ted Gunder : Can you beat that? She's talkin' about my glutes!
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Carlo Cofield : That's crazy!
Sam Lingonberry : It's crazy. Homeowners are crazy. The banks are crazy. Cofield, can everybody be crazy?
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Carlo Cofield : You certainly make interesting propositions, Mrs. Prescott.
Diane Prescott : I didn't go into it, but, there are some interesting fringe benefits. Sleep on it, Mr. Cofield.
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Millie Gunder : Mr. Cofield, do you find me attractive? I mean, if you were a man...
Carlo Cofield : If I were a man?
Millie Gunder : Would you be attracted to me?
Carlo Cofield : If I were...
Millie Gunder : I mean, it's Harry.
Carlo Cofield : Harry?
Millie Gunder : Well, he says that we shouldn't make love anymore! Or, anything. What do you think?
Carlo Cofield : Well, there are certain authorities who, excuse me, who share that view. I would say this, though, I don't think, I certainly don't think its a proper or nor-, excuse me, I'm sorry, normal environment for a young healthy and beautiful girl to be in. You know?
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Laura Califatti : I think you're - going to make a pass at me. No?
Carlo Cofield : Considering our record, so far, that's probably the most self-destructive thing - I could possibly do.
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Carlo Cofield : I guess if you start looking at things, uh, realistically you'll never fall in love. I mean you just reject the people you can't stand, and see who's left - if anybody.
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Sam Lingonberry : That's not a pool, that's a bombshelter.
Carlo Cofield : A bombshelter?
Sam Lingonberry : Yeah, I started digging it during the Eisenhower administration, then I stopped during the Kennedy administration, an now I'm wondering if it's big enough.
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Carlo Cofield : Look, all great salesmen are nothing more than just a uh - a collection of personality defects: the uh morality of a sieve, the... charm of a schizophrenic, the sensitivity of a rhino, and the uh - the scruples of a blackmailer.