How to Commit Marriage (1969)
Bob Hope: Frank Benson
Photos
Quotes
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Oliver Poe : [spotting the recently divorced Bensons with their respective dates, at his standing room only nightclub, dressed like hippies] Well, look who just came in... split-city. I think I'll go over and deflate some egos.
Laverne Baker : Now, Oliver, don't cause any trouble.
Oliver Poe : [gleefully] Me? Trouble? Preposterous!
Oliver Poe : [walking over to Benson's table] Who are you supposed to be, Sabu's mother?
Frank Benson : Look Flabberino, why don't you leave and make room for like six more tables?
Oliver Poe : Sold any mud, lately? Well, well, well. One big happy family. I don't get it.
Oliver Poe : [pointing to the ex-Mrs. Benson] You're with him...
Oliver Poe : [pointing to Lois' breasts] ... and he's with those... I mean, her.
Frank Benson : Back up Moby Dick, how would you like your flab parted in the front, too.
Oliver Poe : I'm getting out of here before I punch a senior citizen in the snoot.
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Frank Benson : Oh, I believe you know, Lois.
Elaine Benson : [stares at Lois' huge breasts] If I didn't, I certainly do know.
Lois Grey : Well, it's nothing you couldn't buy.
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Frank Benson : [meeting Poe for the first time in church] I'm in real estate.
Oliver Poe : But not deep enough. I have a horrible feeling we've met before. Does 7719 Hillside Drive mean anything to you?
Frank Benson : Isn't that a three bedroom, hillside colonial with patio, wet bar, and over-sized bay window? Nothing personal.
Oliver Poe : Tee-hee. You forgot to mention the hill in the back and the guaranteed retaining wall.
Frank Benson : Yeah, well... I sell so many, I forget the details.
Oliver Poe : Twenty thousand tons of mud in a swimming isn't exactly a detail!
Oliver Poe : [grabbing Benson's arm] The house was on a hill until it rained then the hill was on the house.
Oliver Poe : [shouting] That was twenty years ago and they're still digging to find the backyard.
Frank Benson : Lower your voice, Poe. This is a church not a street corner.
Oliver Poe : Don't look down your nose at me you pompous, pious, prig. If I had known she was your daughter we wouldn't be standing here in two rented monkey suits waiting to sacrifice two nice kids on the alter of same ancient fertility rite.
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Nancy Benson : [introducing her fiancé to her father] David comes from a broken home.
David Poe : I was the only child in kindergarten who could spell dirty words correctly.
Frank Benson : I'm amazed you didn't write a best-seller.
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Elaine Benson : [on the Baba Ziba religion] Isn't that when they meet in the nude and roll around together on lawn in Santa Barbara?
Nancy Benson : No. It's direct, simple and pure.
Frank Benson : And much better for the lawn.