The Goodies (1970–1982)

Tim Brooke-Taylor: Tim Brooke-Taylor, County Cutie, Robot Tim Brooke-Taylor, Sambo, Tim Garden

Photos 

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Quotes 

• [the Goodies have been told there's half an hour to go before the end of the world] 

  Tim : At least there's time to do the ironing.

  [Brings in the ironing board and a basket of laundry] 

  Tim : Just think, this is the end of Derby County... and the Muppets!

  Graeme : The Muppets?

  Tim : Yes, when we go, they'll go too, you know... oh, I do hope they don't suffer.

  Graeme : They're not real, you know!

  Tim : Well, of course they're real!

  Graeme : Don't be silly... the Muppets are just dollies!

  Tim : If they're "dollies", how come they can sing and dance and make sophisticated funny remarks?

  Graeme : Look, Kermit the frog is a green sock.

  Tim : [suddenly disturbed]  What?

  Graeme : Kermit the frog is a man on his knees with a green sock on his hand!

  [to demonstrate, he uses a green sock as a glove puppet and imitates Kermit] 

  Graeme : "Hello frog lovers, and welcome to the Muppet Show! I'd like to welcome our very special guest, Miss Piggy. Yay-ay-ay-ay!"

  Tim : Well she has GOT to be real.

  Graeme : Pair of old y-fronts and a mop head.

  [He holds up a pair of underpants and a mop head, and speaks like Miss Piggy] 

  Graeme : "Hello Kermit, spawn of my heart, frog of my dreams!"

  [as Kermit] 

  Graeme : "Hi there Miss Piggy, and what can I do for you?" Fozzie Bear is a brown woolly jumper with a hat on!

  [Holds up a brown pullover and a hat and speaks like Fozzie] 

  Graeme : "Oh boy, funn-y! Oh Kermit, I hope those two old guys don't heckle me!"

  [Holds up two sponge balls and imitates Waldorf and Statler] 

  Graeme : "Boo boo, the bear's a comedian, the comedian's a bear! Boo, boo!"

  [Waves a feather duster in Tim's face and bellows] 

  Graeme : "A-NI-MAL!"

  Tim : [Nearly hysterical]  No, stop it! Lies! LIES!

  Graeme : [holds up the green sock again and sings]  "Halfway up the stairs is the stair where I"...

  Tim : NO!

  [runs into the kitchen, screaming] 

  Graeme : I'll release his inhibitions through anger and violence! My life's work is at an end. I can die a happy man.

  [Tim emerges screaming from the kitchen and throws the gas cooker at Graeme] 

  Graeme : You shouldn't have hit me with that! You'll ruin the cake!

• Bill : Be fair, I think the GPO have got a very difficult job to do.

  Tim : Yes, that's why they do it so badly.

• Tim : But those aren't art lovers - they're Americans!

• Tim : I do not want money. I do not want wealth. All I ask is that people humbly and honestly sink to their knees and worship me.