- Maj. Gen. Martin Hollister: You know, Lieutenant, I don't see how a man, with the name of Columbo... shouldn't he be more at home on a boat?
- Lt. Columbo: Must've been another branch of the family, sir. How soon before we land?
- Lt. Columbo: I'm terribly sorry to disturb you, sir, but we have this report, uh, about this shooting.
- Maj. Gen. Martin Hollister: A shooting?
- Lt. Columbo: Yes, sir. In this house.
- Maj. Gen. Martin Hollister: That's quite an opening line, Lieutenant.
- Maj. Gen. Martin Hollister: Just a piece of advice. Find a different spot, or use a different bait, otherwise you're not gonna catch anything, Lieutenant.
- Helen Stewart: With all the men in the world, I always seem to pick Mr. Wrong. Uh, I am seriously considering locking myself in the closet for the rest of my life.
- Lt. Columbo: No, that's wrong. That's just the way my niece, Marilyn, felt after her divorce. Now she's got a new husband. As a matter of fact, he's a cop... and they got six kids.
- Helen Stewart: Oh, Lieutenant, I mean just between us, would you tell me the truth? Do you really have a niece?
- Lt. Columbo: Well what kind of a question is that, do I really have a niece!
- Helen Stewart: Well do you?
- Lt. Columbo: Of course I've got a niece. My wife's sisters girl, Cynthia.
- Harry Barnes: If you hand me your aft line, Mrs. Wallace, I'll secure your stern.
- Mrs. Walters: I beg your pardon!
- Harry Barnes: I'll tie up your boat.
- Col. Roger Dutton: I'm leaving for Geneva tonight. If I may make a suggestion, General, you might do the same.
- Maj. Gen. Martin Hollister: I have a business to run. Besides, I never believed in a forced retreat.
- Lt. Columbo: All right, I'm gonna go in and speak to the general, and while I'm doing that I want you to search the yacht.
- Officer Sanchez: Uh, but, Lieutenant, I don't have a warrant.
- Lt. Columbo: Well, I'll ask the general for permission. If he doesn't give it, then I'll get a warrant. In the meantime, check it out.
- Helen Stewart: I mean, am I so uninteresting that he couldn't be interested in me for myself?
- Lt. Columbo: Oh, no. No, no. No, I didn't mean that at all. You're a very individual person.
- Maj. Gen. Martin Hollister: Now, I think we ought to prosecute these martinis before their statutes of limitations expire.
- Maj. Gen. Martin Hollister: You don't recognize me?
- Helen Stewart: Well, no. Should I?
- Maj. Gen. Martin Hollister: You said that you saw me... shoot somebody today. No, no, you have nothing to fear from me, Mrs. Stewart, but if you'll watch the late news tonight, I'm sure you'll agree that, uh, you've miscast me... as a murderer.
- Maj. Gen. Martin Hollister: The defense rests. For today. Now, I think we ought to prosecute these martinis before their statutes of limitations expire.
- Lt. Columbo: [looking at the general's decorations on his uniform] General, that's a lot of fruit salad.
- Helen Stewart: Well, y'see, I try and go beyond the surface, y'know? To find a deeper meaning, a truer reality... At least, that's what I think I do.
- TV Newsman: Early on in the Korean War, as a colonel commanding a regiment of armored cavalry, Hollister captured the imagination of the American people.
- Helen Stewart: With all the men in the world, I always seem to pick Mr. Wrong. Uh, I am seriously considering locking myself in a closet for the rest of my life.
- Lt. Columbo: No, that's wrong. That's just the way my niece, Marilyn, felt after her divorce. Now she's got a new husband. As a matter of fact, he's a cop... and they got six kids.
- Helen Stewart: Oh, Lieutenant, I mean just between us, would you tell me the truth? Do you really have a niece?
- Lt. Columbo: Well what kind of a question is that, do I really have a niece!
- Helen Stewart: Well do you?
- Lt. Columbo: Of course I've got a niece. My wife's sisters girl, Cynthia.