Columbo (TV Series)

A Stitch in Crime (1973)

Peter Falk: Columbo

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Quotes 

• Dr. Barry Mayfield : Maybe Marcia knows more than she's telling.

  Lt. Columbo : Oh, actually I think she knows less than she's telling.

• Lt. Columbo : You ask tough questions, Doc.

  Dr. Barry Mayfield : So does a jury.

• Lt. Columbo : Uh, I feel uncomfortable.

  Dr. Barry Mayfield : In what way?

  Lt. Columbo : In hospitals, around illness, I, uh... I feel kind of queasy.

  Dr. Barry Mayfield : Well, that's not uncommon, Lieutenant.

  Lt. Columbo : I know. Uh, I faint. I mean, I actually pass out, and in my line of work that's kind of embarrassing. Is there, uh... is there something that I can do for that?

  Dr. Barry Mayfield : There's only one sure-fire cure, Lieutenant: stay out of hospitals as much as possible.

• Lt. Columbo : Okay. You win. You're finally rid of me.

  Dr. Barry Mayfield : You'll be all right, Lieutenant. I'm sure you'll find others to harass.

• Marcia Dalton : I just can't believe it. We were so close. Of course, in a lot of ways, you know, we were far apart.

  Lt. Columbo : How is that?

  Marcia Dalton : I mean, I've always been inner-directed, and she was other-directed. You know what I mean?

  Lt. Columbo : No, not really.

  Marcia Dalton : I'm career-oriented. Sharon was motivated by other's wishes. Do you understand?

  Lt. Columbo : No.

  Marcia Dalton : I have personal, selfish goals, and Sharon was devoted to humanity. Do you follow?

  Lt. Columbo : Uh, well, I'm beginning to get some of the drift of it. You were both nurses. Is that right?

  Marcia Dalton : Yes. But Sharon always was devoted to healing. She always worked in hospitals. Myself, I work in Beverly Hills for a plastic surgeon, because I selfishly enjoy being with middle to upper-middle-class people. However, I don't meet any single men unless they're ready for face lifts.

• Lt. Columbo : Why would a left-handed man give himself a shot in his left arm?

• Lt. Columbo : [after shovelling down a load of cheese, cold meat and crab]  Do you have anything for an upset stomach?

• Lt. Columbo : You know, that cleaning woman just now? You know, she said something strange to me. She said she saw Sharon Martin, and she was upset AFTER the operation.

  Dr. Barry Mayfield : I'm afraid I don't understand.

  Lt. Columbo : Well, it just seems kind of funny, doesn't it, I mean, since it was so successful that she'd still be upset?

• Lt. Columbo : You know, in a way, I have to congratulate you. Up until now, you really had me going. I mean, here you are. You're a surgeon. A man that's got to be cool. Even when you're angry, you're controlled. You never lose yourself. That's why it struck me funny when you blew up in the operating room, and you grabbed me and pushed me. I mean, you know, there was only one thing we didn't search. You know what it was? It was me.

• Lt. Columbo : You must be a terrific surgeon.

  Dr. Barry Mayfield : Well... Dr. Hidemann and I DO share a mutual respect.

  Lt. Columbo : Oh, that. Oh, yeah, he must think you're very good. No, actually, Doctor, I was referring to your great concentration.

  Dr. Barry Mayfield : Well, how is that, Lieutenant?

  Lt. Columbo : Well, when I came in, you see, you were getting the news of your nurse's death on the phone - I could see you were terribly upset - but while you were on the phone, you reset your desk clock.

  Dr. Barry Mayfield : Well, I fail to see the virtue in that.

  Lt. Columbo : Aw, you're too modest, Doc. No, most people, they'd be in such a state of shock, they'd never be able to split their concentration like that, the way you did, setting your clock there.

• Lt. Columbo : You never know, doc. You just don't know. I mean, today, everything's up for grabs. You don't know who's involved in what today, the best people.

• Dr. Barry Mayfield : Exactly what is your point, Lieutenant?

  Lt. Columbo : I'm not sure I have one.