Porridge (1974–1977)

Brian Wilde: Mr. Barrowclough

Photos 

Quotes 

• Barrowclough : I'm Scots on my mother's side, well, a bit of everything really. Scots, Irish, Polish...

  Fletch : Got about a bit, your mother.

• Fletch : One can't help noticing a change in your old lady's attitude of late.

  Barrowclough : How can you tell that?

  Fletch : Oh, little things, like the certain smile that plays around your lips when you're telling us to slop out.

  Barrowclough : What sort of smile?

  Fletch : The smile of a man who's getting his oats!

• Barrowclough : You're writing a book?

  Fletch : Yeah - a sort of inside guide to prison life. But don't worry, I've not overlooked your boys in blue - I will be dealing just as much with your issues as those of our fellow felons.

  Barrowclough : Oh, good. And what are you going to call this book?

  Fletch : Don't Let The Bastards Grind You Down.

• Fletch : If you want the system to do something for us, give us more freedom, better grub, conjugal visits!

  Mr Barrowclough : Conjugal visits?

  Fletch : With our old lady, like, all above board, all ship-shape and Bristol Fashion.

  Mr Barrowclough : I'm not aware of any prison that does that!

  Fletch : Well, maybe not here, but certainly in Holland, and also in America, I believe, where they have a more enlightened penal system anyway. They have these special apartments, where the wife comes to stay and they can manifest their long-felt want for each other.

  Mr Barrowclough : You mean they spend the entire time...?

  Fletch : Conjugating, yeah.

  Mr Barrowclough : That's more than I'm allowed at home!