Columbo (TV Series)

A Friend in Deed (1974)

Val Avery: Artie Jessup

Quotes 

• Mark Halperin : We found Mrs. Caldwell's jewels here in your apartment.

  [Jessup snorts] 

  Mark Halperin : They were right under your mattress!

  Artie Jessup : Hey man, I don't even live here!

  Columbo : That's true, sir, I can attest to that.

  [opens dresser drawers] 

  Columbo : He doesn't live here, *I* live here. These are my shirts, this is my underwear,

  [takes out photographs] 

  Columbo : *my* brother-in-law, *my* nephew and niece.

• Artie Jessup : I said a lot of things, Mr. Caldwell. One thing I forgot to tell ya is that, uh, I'm a chronic liar.

• Columbo : Ya like Scotch?

  Artie Jessup : She wishes.

  Columbo : [to bartender]  Give 'im some Scotch.