Columbo (TV Series)

Identity Crisis (1975)

Patrick McGoohan: Nelson Brenner

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lt. Columbo : Uh, just between us, sir...

  Nelson Brenner : Mm-hm?

  Lt. Columbo : ...somebody's following me.

  Nelson Brenner : Now who would be following a cop?

  Lt. Columbo : Well, that's what I'm trying to figure out. Can't be the collection company. The car's paid for.

• Nelson Brenner : Do you like music?

  Lt. Columbo : Well, I hear it all the time.

• Lt. Columbo : Do you have any wine?

  Nelson Brenner : A cellar-full!

  Lt. Columbo : Just a glass.

  Nelson Brenner : What kind would you like?

  Lt. Columbo : [after deliberating]  Oh, red.

• Nelson Brenner : Colorado is a river.

  Geronimo/A.J. Henderson : Geronimo is an Indian.

  Nelson Brenner : There is no beach like a long beach, an amusement park.

  Geronimo/A.J. Henderson : When?

  Nelson Brenner : In two hours.

• [last lines] 

  Lt. Columbo : Would you like to hear something funny?

  Nelson Brenner : I'd love to.

  Lt. Columbo : Today, the Chinese, they changed their minds.

  Nelson Brenner : Did they, again?

  Lt. Columbo : They're back in the Games.

  Nelson Brenner : In the Games. Mahjong.

  Lt. Columbo : Mahjong.

• Geronimo/A.J. Henderson : Double-agents don't go broke. They die sometimes but they don't go broke.

  Nelson Brenner : Oh, come along now. That theory about my being a double agent? Now, you know there's no fact in it.

  Geronimo/A.J. Henderson : The agency doesn't deal in facts, only in rumors, and I have a lot more than rumors, Nelson.

• Lt. Columbo : You have my house bugged.

  Nelson Brenner : I know.

• Lt. Columbo : What strikes you about this photograph sir?

  Nelson Brenner : I was younger and more beautiful then.

• Lt. Columbo : Do you like to gamble, sir?

  Nelson Brenner : What else is there?

• Geronimo/A.J. Henderson : [Entering the amusement pier]  There'd'b more privacy on a freeway.

  Nelson Brenner : Oh, I don't know. Wasn't it you that said you should never have a clandestine meeting in a clandestine place? Besides which, I've always had a certain perverse affection for amusement parks.

• Nelson Brenner : Lieutenant, I think that I should warn you that I am not an unworldly man. I have powerful and important friends, even in the police department. I respectfully request... that you do not... harass me.

• Lawrence Melville : [amused]  You sure are strange, Mr. Steinmetz.

  Nelson Brenner : [disguised as Steinmetz]  It's a strange world.

• Nelson Brenner : Be seeing you.