Death Race 2000 (1975)
Sylvester Stallone: Machine Gun Joe Viterbo
Photos
Quotes
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Machine Gun Joe VeTurbo : You know, Myra, some people might think you're cute. But me, I think you're one very large baked potato.
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Machine Gun Joe VeTurbo : Hey, cornball, what's the fastest way through here?
Fisherman : Well, the way we do it is we get a bulldozer and plow right through there.
Machine Gun Joe VeTurbo : No, I mean, what's the fastest way from here to Albuquerque?
Fisherman : You gotta go back to the main highway, really.
Machine Gun Joe VeTurbo : That was more than 45 minutes!
Fisherman : I've seen you before. I'm one of your greatest fans, you know that? I've followed all the races. I have pictures of you all over the outhouse. I even named my favorite dog after you, Mr. Frankenstein, I did.
Machine Gun Joe VeTurbo : You lousy stinking dirtball... you've got two seconds to live!
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Special agent : You know, Mr. VeTurbo, as a representative of Mr. President's government, I happen to hold the power of life and death.
Machine Gun Joe VeTurbo : Yeah? Well, I happen to hold the clam sauce.
[slings a handful of clam sauce into the Special Agent's face]
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Machine Gun Joe VeTurbo : [strangling Annie] How does it feel to know you're gonna spend the rest of your life in pain? The rest of your life is about a minute and a half.
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Machine Gun Joe VeTurbo : I got two words to say to that... BULL - SHIT!
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Junior : Joe doesn't look too happy, but you just can't keep those Frankenstein fans down.
Machine Gun Joe VeTurbo : Lousy sons of bitches! Frankenstein...
Myra : Give it to 'em, Joe!
[she hands Joe a Thompson submachine gun]
Machine Gun Joe VeTurbo : Frankenstein! You want Frankenstein? I'll give you Frankenstein!
[Joe opens fire into the stands]
Machine Gun Joe VeTurbo : Aarrgh!
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Machine Gun Joe VeTurbo : You know, it used to be in the old days we would just take someone like you in a alley and blow their brains out.
Annie Paine : Come on, Joe, all's fair in love and war.
Machine Gun Joe VeTurbo : I'm glad you said that, Annie, because what we got going here ain't exactly love.
[begins to strangle her]
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Machine Gun Joe VeTurbo : Who built this stinking road? If I ever get my hands on him, I'll rip his heart out!
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[at the race's first pit stop, Machine Gun Joe VeTurbo, Calamity Jane and Matilda the Hun and their navigators are getting a massage treatment]
Special agent : [addresses the racers and their navigators] One thing before we begin: the government would like it if no one said anything about Nero, understand? He hit a tree and that's it. Got it? We don't wanna depress anybody...
Machine Gun Joe VeTurbo : [interrupts] Hey, hey! Everybody knows he's been blown up by the Resistance, you schmuck. It was on television.
Special agent : If you wanna drive again next year, Mr. VeTurbo, you'll keep those opinions to yourself.
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Machine Gun Joe VeTurbo : Save it for the French.