Murder by Death (1976)

Peter Sellers: Sidney Wang

Photos 

Quotes 

• Willie Wang : Who do you think is the murderer?

  Sidney Wang : Must sleep on it. Will know in morning when wake up.

  Willie Wang : But what if you don't wake up?

  Sidney Wang : Then YOU did it.

• Willie Wang : [as they are about to leave Twain Manor]  ... I don't get something, Pop: WAS there a murder, or WASN'T there?

  Sidney Wang : Yes: Killed good weekend. Drive, please.

• Dick Charleston : Be careful on this road. It's treacherous.

  Sidney Wang : Treacherous road like fresh mushroom. Must always...

  [son drives car away from Charleston] 

  Sidney Wang : Idiot! Not finish mushroom story! Idiot!

• Jamesir Bensonmum : Tell me, as the only survivor, how did you deduce it was me?

  Sidney Wang : Went back to theory seldom used today: Butler did it.

• Milo Perrier : He's gone!

  Jessica Marbles : Who's gone?

  Milo Perrier : The butler. Here's the key.

  Sidney Wang : If butler gone, where you find key?

  Milo Perrier : In his pocket.

  Jessica Marbles : What pocket?

  Milo Perrier : The butler's pocket.

  Sidney Wang : Butler gone but pocket still there?

• Willie Wang : Why do I do all the dirty work, Pop?

  Sidney Wang : 'Cause your mother not here to do it.

• Sidney Wang : What meaning of this, Mr. Twain?

  Lionel Twain : I will tell you, Mr. Wang, if YOU can tell ME why a man who possesses one of the most brilliant minds of this century can't say his *prepositions* or *articles!* "What IS THE," Mr. Wang! "What IS THE meaning of this?"

  Sidney Wang : That what I said! "What meaning of this?"

• Sidney Wang : It is late, and my eyes are getting tired.

  Sam Diamond : I thought they always looked like that.

  Jessica Marbles : Knock it off, Sam!

  Sam Diamond : I apologize. This case is getting to me. I'm sorry, Slanty.

  Sidney Wang : Um... thank you.

• Willie Wang : Here's the bridge, Pop. Doesn't look safe to me.

  Sidney Wang : One way to find out. Drive across.

  [gets out of car] 

  Willie Wang : Aren't you gonna come with me?

  Sidney Wang : Weight of two men may be too much for bridge.

  Willie Wang : Then why do I get to drive the car?

  Sidney Wang : 'Cause I smart enough to get out first.

• Sidney Wang : Did you see that?

  Willie Wang : No.

  Sidney Wang : Neither did I.

• Doctor Watson : [cutting-room floor-scene on the foggy road, near the movie's end; as the Wangs are departing from Twain Manor, they pass a vintage car heading up TO the Manor. The other car is driven by Holmes and Watson]  ... I say, old boy! Could you possibly give us directions to - Hello, it's Mr. Sidney Wang!

  Sherlock Holmes : [smoking his famous pipe]  Greetings, Mr. Wang.

  Sidney Wang : Ah, greetings to you as well! You have something to ask, I believe. Directions to where?

  Doctor Watson : Ah, yes! We've been "cordially invited to dinner and a murder," by a Mr. Lionel Twain.

  Willie Wang : *Lionel Twain?* Listen, you guys don't wanna...!

  Sidney Wang : [cutting him off]  Never mind him, please. Here - you go up this road, past bridge to "22 Twain." No can miss it.

  Doctor Watson : Ever so much obliged. Good day, then!

  [he and Holmes drive off] 

  Willie Wang : I don't get it, Pop! Why didn't you just tell them it was all a ripoff?

  Sidney Wang : Ah, let idiots find out for themselves! Drive, please.

• Sidney Wang : Oh, there, voice come from cow on wall...

  Lionel Twain : [from moose head]  Moose, moose, you imbecile!

• Sidney Wang : Room filled with empty people.

• Sam Diamond : You say you know who's going to get it?

  Lionel Twain : Intimately.

  Inspector Milo Perrier : And you know how the crime is to be committed?

  Lionel Twain : Definitely.

  Sidney Wang : And exactly what time murder to take place?

  Lionel Twain : *The* murder. Precisely.

  Dora Charleston : Well, I know it's none of my business, but doesn't that mean that you're the murderer, Mr. Twain?

• [Playing a game of deduction] 

  Sidney Wang : And you Mr. Charleston, did not approve of Mrs. Charleston dying her hair blond?

  Dick Charleston : What do you mean?

  Sidney Wang : Mrs. Charleston's hair red. You have blond hairs on shoulder. This means she has dyed red hair blond, then back again to red, or else you have been... So sorry, Wang is wrong.

• Sidney Wang : Someone just put deadly snake in room. Wake me when it come near bed.

• Sidney Wang : Answer simple, but question very hard.

• Willie Wang : [driving across rickety bridge]  I don't think I'm gonna make it, Pop. It's gonna collapse.

  Sidney Wang : Don't worry. Father find other way to house.

• Willie Wang : [DELETED SCENE, RESTORED FOR TELEVISION - Willie rejoins the others after covering up Twain's body]  ... I can't believe you missed it, Pop. The world's five greatest living detectives, and not one of you noticed that *Twain was clutching a note in his hand!*

  Sidney Wang : Give it to me.

  Willie Wang : Oh, no; it's mine.

  Milo Perrier : Oh, give it to your father, you idiot!

  Willie Wang : [gloating]  "Idiot?" We'll see who's the idiot, Mr. Perrier! The $1 million goes to whoever solves the crime, and that could be me just as easily as you! I've got more brains than my father gives me credit for! "#3 Adopted Son?" I'm sick and tired of being just your #3 Adopted Son. I'm *Willie Wang, Young Detective!* This clue belongs to me, and nobody's getting it from me, you understand? Nobody...!

  Sam Diamond : [with his gun leveled at Willie's head]  Better stand back, Tess. I don't want you to get hurt when the bullet comes out his other ear.

  [takes the note and reads] 

  Sam Diamond : "Please call dairy and cancel future deliveries of milk; Lionel Twain deceased."

  [hands back the note] 

  Sam Diamond : So much for your clue, kid.

  Willie Wang : [very sheepish]  Uhm... Sorry about that, Dad.

• Willie Wang : Some fog, eh, Pop?

  Sidney Wang : I've already heard the weather report. Drive, please.

  Willie Wang : It's as thick as pea soup. Not a soul around for miles. Know what l think? Perfect place for a murder.

  Sidney Wang : Conversation like television set on honeymoon: unnecessary.

  Willie Wang : Where are we going, anyway, Pop? Who is this Mr. Twain? What'd he mean, "dinner and a murder"?

  Sidney Wang : Questions like athlete's foot: After a while, very irritating. To stop car, please.

  Willie Wang : What's wrong?

  Sidney Wang : Stop car, please. Shut engine off, please. Listen.

  Willie Wang : I don't hear nothing. What do you hear?

  Sidney Wang : Double negative and dog.

• Sidney Wang : Someone gone great trouble to make welcome guests not so welcome. Ring bell, please.

  Willie Wang : Are you nuts, Pop? Someone's tryin' to KILL us!

  Sidney Wang : Yes! Should make exciting weekend. Ring, please.

  Willie Wang : [sullen]  I sure wish it was Monday morning.

• Sidney Wang : Calm yourself. Man who argue with cow on wall is like train without wheels: very soon get nowhere.

  Milo Perrier : Oh be quiet! I'm sick of your fortune cookies!

  Sidney Wang : Oh, man who is sick of fortune cookies...

  [argument ensues] 

  Sidney Wang : Shhh, shhh... cow talk again!

• Sidney Wang : Big house like man married to fat woman: hard to get around.

• Jamesir Bensonmum : May I get your bags, sir?

  Sidney Wang : Oh, no, no. Son will get bags. That is why I adopted him.

• Sidney Wang : What that?

  [points to large cage in wall] 

  Jamesir Bensonmum : Oh, it's nothing, sir. Just the cat.

  [loud barking and growling issues from cage] 

  Sidney Wang : That cat? You feed cat dog food?

  Jamesir Bensonmum : I'm afraid he's a very angry cat, sir. Mr. Twain had him "fixed," and he didn't want to be.

• Inspector Milo Perrier : I don't like it. I don't like it one bit.

  Sidney Wang : I like it, but do not understand it.

• Inspector Milo Perrier : Touch nothing!

  Jessica Marbles : Will you stop saying "touch nothing?" We're all experienced criminologists. I find it insulting, debasing, and redundant to keep telling us to "touch nothing!"

  Inspector Milo Perrier : Oh, be quiet, woman!

  Jessica Marbles : Up yours, fella!

  Sidney Wang : Most amusing. Bickering detectives like making lamb stew: everything goes to pot!

• Willie Wang : I don't get it, Pop. Who would hire a blind butler?

  Sidney Wang : Very clever. How he know how much he get paid?

• Sidney Wang : Look at invitation. What number of house?

  Willie Wang : 2... 2...

  Sidney Wang : Correct. 22 Twain's

  [choo choo train, i.e., Lionel Train] 

  Sidney Wang : house. Continue.

• Milo Perrier : What do you make of all of this, Wang?

  Sidney Wang : Is confusing.

  Lionel Twain : [from moose head]  IT! IT is confusing! Say your goddamn pronouns!

• Jamesir Bensonmum : Oh, Yes. As you can see, I can see.

  Sidney Wang : So I see.

• Jamesir Bensonmum : Good evening. We have been expecting you.

  Sidney Wang : Yes, but in what condition?

• Sidney Wang : Quiet, please. Observe strange sounds.

  [the room is filled with hideous death-groans] 

  Dora Charleston : Good God! The face! It's coming from the face!

  [Sure enough, that agonized moaning issues from the African death-mask on the wall] 

  Dick Charleston : The victim of that tribal ritual, actually going through his final moments of death! What could it mean?

  Jamesir Bensonmum : It means dinner is ready, sir. We have no gong.

• Sidney Wang : Have admired you ever since I was tiny little detective.

• Willie Wang : Good night, Dad.

  Sidney Wang : Should have adopted pussycat.

• Milo Perrier : What is it? What's happened?

  Sidney Wang : Something wrong in kitchen.

  Milo Perrier : With our dinner!

  Sidney Wang : No, patience, patience.

  Sam Diamond : Is someone in there?

  [pointing to kitchen] 

  Dick Charleston : Someone in the kitchen with dinna?

• Sidney Wang : Quickly. Go back in kitchen, get dining room key from pocket of dead butler.

  Milo Perrier : You don't have to say "dead butler." It's bad enough I have to put my hand in his pocket.

• Sidney Wang : Very interesting theory, Mr. Charleston, but you overlook one very important point.

  Dick Charleston : And that is?

  Sidney Wang : Is STUPID! Is most stupid theory I ever heard.

  [laughs] 

• Sidney Wang : [reading note from mute cook]  I think butler is dead! My name is Yetta, I don't work Thursdays.

  Dora Charleston : Ask her if she sleeps in, Dickie!

• Sidney Wang : Never consider murder to be business, Mr. Diamond.

• Sidney Wang : Butler only killed to divert us from real murder still to come.

• Sidney Wang : What number of house?

  Willie Wang : Two, two.

  Sidney Wang : Correct. Two-two, Twain's house.

• Sidney Wang : No pulse. No heartbeat. If condition does not change, this man is dead!

• Sidney Wang : I was adopted. I have my papers. That is why I have adopted all my children.

  Willie Wang : I was wondering.

  Sidney Wang : Oh, he loved me very much. But he was not very observant. One day, when I was 19, he call me to his study, notice for first time I was Oriental and kick me out of house.

• Dora Charleston : You didn't tell me how I look, Dickie.

  Dick Charleston : No different than always look, darling. Absolutely, ravishing.

  Dora Charleston : Do you love me and adore me?

  Dick Charleston : I love you and adore you. You till have the best tush in high society.

  [Pats Dora's behind] 

  Dora Charleston : Years of horseback riding, darling.

  Sidney Wang : [Wang enters]  Getting to bottom of things, Charleston?

• Dick Charleston : You know Wang.

  Milo Perrier : Ah, yes. I had the pleasure of dining in Shanghai many years ago with Inspector Wang. Ah: Hong Ching Chu Kow Dung Woo Fong.

  Sidney Wang : Oh, you remember. Yes. You had "Hong Ching Chu" and I had "Kow Dung Woo Fong."

• Screaming Door Bell : Aaaaaahhhh! Aaah! Ah!

  Willie Wang : Holy cow! There killing someone in there.

  Sidney Wang : Calm yourself.

  Willie Wang : Didn't you hear the scream?

  Sidney Wang : Oh, no. You heard scream. More experienced ear heard doorbell.

• Sidney Wang : Mr. Twain has macabre sense of humor, yes?

• Sidney Wang : Strange weather. Storm only outside when inside.

  Jamesir Bensonmum : Oh, that. That's just one of Mr. Twain's little toys. An electronic device. Mr. Twain, as you will soon discover, prefers his atmosphere - murky.

• Lionel Twain : On the stroke of midnight, someone in this house is going to be viciously murdered!

  Sidney Wang : Left out one small detail, Mr. Twain. Who victim?

  Lionel Twain : "Is the." "Is the!" "Who is the victim?" That drives me crazy!

• Sidney Wang : Marvin Metnah!