The Ritz (1976)
F. Murray Abraham: Chris
Photos
Quotes
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Gaetano Proclo : Listen, there's something I have to tell you...
Chris : You're not gay?
Gaetano Proclo : [relieved] No!
Chris : What, are you a social worker or something?
Gaetano Proclo : No, but I didn't know that everyone in here was...
Chris : GAY! See? It's not a bad word. You might try using it sometime.
Gaetano Proclo : You mean to tell me that everyone in here is gay?
Chris : God, I hope so. Otherwise I just paid ten dollars to walk around in a towel in front of a bunch of Shriners.
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Chris : I can't whistle.
Carmine Vespucci : Goddamn it, you can't whistle either? I thought all dicks could whistle.
Chris : Just "Stormy Weather."
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Chris : Margaret Dumont! I thought you were dead!
Muscle Bound Patron : There's a reason people like me don't ride the subway. I'm looking right at him.
Chris : Is that supposed to mean me? Screw you, honey. You can die with your secret, piss-elegant fairy! If there's anything I can't stand, it's a queen without a sense of humor.
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Gaetano Proclo : You're a good man, Abe. I'm gonna have a novena said for you when I get back to Cleveland. What's your last name? Abe what?
Abe Lefkowitz : Lefkowitz.
Gaetano Proclo : I'll still have a novena said for you when I get back.
[Gaetano leaves]
Chris : You know, I had a novena said for me once. I asked to wake up gorgeous.
Abe Lefkowitz : So, what happened?
Chris : Well, look at me!
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Chris : Screw you, honey. Boy, if there's one thing I can't stand it's a queen without a sense of humor. You can die with your secret... miserable piss-elegant fairy.
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Chris : [to Carmine] Dumb and dizzy, that's me, darling.
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Chris : There will be an orgy beginning in room 340 in exactly four minutes! Orgy in 340! Four minutes!
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Carmine Vespucci : I need a code name.
Chris : [excitedly] Evelyn!
Carmine Vespucci : No. I don't like Evelyn. It sounds too effiminate.
Chris : [in a deep voice] How about Bunny?
Carmine Vespucci : Bunny's good.
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Gaetano Proclo : [disappointed] You're not Joe Namath!
Chris : Well, neither are you.
Gaetano Proclo : I thought you were Joe Namath.
Chris : It's the lighting.
Gaetano Proclo : I was praying you were Joe Namath.
Chris : I don't blame ya!
Gaetano Proclo : I mean, you just had to be him.
Chris : Are you eating your heart out, honey?
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Chris : As strange as it may seem, no one is going to attack you.
Gaetano Proclo : Someone already has!
Chris : Eh, beginner's luck.
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Gaetano Proclo : I don't know what I'm doing!
Chris : Join the club! It's like some strange heterosexual Gypsy curse was put on this place.
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Chris : Into the steamroom, girls.
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Chris : How is that gorgeous son of yours?
Abe Lefkowitz : You're too late, he's getting married.
Chris : Oh, hey, that's terrific! You give him my love, will you?
Abe Lefkowitz : Sure thing.
Chris : Does he need someone to practice with?
Abe Lefkowitz : He's been practicing already. That's why he has to get married.
Chris : Well, compared to me, Abe, she would have to be an amateur.
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Abe Lefkowitz : [Chris signs in under a false name] Ronald Reagan? Oh, come on, Chris.
Chris : Oh, you know he used to be lovers with John Wayne.
Abe Lefkowitz : Sure he did.
Chris : Right after he broke up with Xavier Cugat.
Abe Lefkowitz : People like you think the whole world is queer.
Chris : Well, it's lucky for people like you it is.
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Chris : A gay garbage man?
Abe Lefkowitz : You never can tell.
Chris : That's *so* true! I mean, look at me. If you just saw me walking down the street, you'd think I was a queen.
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Gaetano Proclo : Tiger and Duff told Googie I was Carmine Vespucci. Claude thinks I'm Carmine Vespucci. Everybody thinks I'm Carmine Vespucci.
Chris : Well, who are you?
Gaetano Proclo : Carmine Vespucci.
Michael Brick : Are you Mr. Carmine Vespucci, sir?
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Carmine Vespucci : Hey, let me get a look at you. I'm no judge of fruit bait, but you'll do.
Chris : Oh, let's just cool it, sweetheart. This is not the Meat Rack, huh?
Carmine Vespucci : You can can the fag act with me.
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Carmine Vespucci : One thing I don't like is a wise guy. The only thing I don't like more is a queer wise guy. I'm calling the shots now, and I'm getting under your bed.
Chris : Uh, where am I supposed to be?
Carmine Vespucci : On top of it, stupid.
Chris : Oh, that sounds fabulous! What then?
Carmine Vespucci : You know. Do what you have to do.
Chris : What's that?
Carmine Vespucci : How should I know? Wiggle your fanny. Shake your towel in his face.
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Chris : I always wondered what you straight guys did together. Oh, now that I know, I'm so glad I'm gay.
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Gaetano Proclo : I can explain everything.
Googie Gomez : I don't need no explain. You would rather make: hee, hee, hee, poo, poo, poo, ha, ha, ha - with that maricón you got hiding under the bed.
Chris : [from under the bed] Two maricóns, Googie.
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Chris : I suppose you're wondering what happened to Bunny. Entered her in the Princess Margaret lookalike contest. First prize is a gay guide to Leningrad.
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[last lines]
Chris : Orgy, orgy! They'll be an orgy in 340!