Columbo (TV Series)

How to Dial a Murder (1978)

Peter Falk: Columbo

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lt. Columbo : [trying to trigger the attack word for the dogs]  Kill! Kiss! Diamonds! Rubies! Sneakers!

• Lt. Columbo : Well, I guess, most people, they like to hear about their personalities, I mean, especially from an expert. Lord knows *I* do. I could sit and listen to someone talk about me for hours.

• Lt. Columbo : [to Dr. Eric Mason]  Very simple case. Not that I'm particularly bright, sir. I must say, I found you disappointing. I mean your incompetence. You left enough clues to sink a ship, motive, opportunity. And for a man of your intelligence, sir, you got caught in a lot of stupid lies. A lot of them!

• Miss Cochran - the dog trainer : It's all right, Lieutenant. You can pet him.

  Lt. Columbo : Why should I?

  Miss Cochran - the dog trainer : To show him that you're friendly.

  Lt. Columbo : Why doesn't he show me first?

• Miss Cochran - the dog trainer : When a dog goes killer wild, we call it, uh, reverting. It's reversion back to the wolf. We don't talk about it a whole lot, but it happens.

  Lt. Columbo : Well, that would explain it, ma'am.

  Miss Cochran - the dog trainer : Except that you told me you played with the dogs AFTER they went savage. Now, I've never heard of a reverting dog that didn't stay that way.

  Lt. Columbo : Well, thank you very much, ma'am. We didn't clear much up but it sort of highlights the problem.

• Miss Cochran - the dog trainer : Baruk, kiss!

  [training dog attacks padded man] 

  Miss Cochran - the dog trainer : Baruk, out! Come! Baruk, come!

  Lt. Columbo : Miss Cochran! Ma'am!

  [runs up to her] 

  Miss Cochran - the dog trainer : [to Baruk]  Good boy. Good boy.

  Lt. Columbo : What did you just do?

  Miss Cochran - the dog trainer : Just an attack command.

  Lt. Columbo : But you said...

  Lt. Columbo : [eyes the dog warily]  ... K-I-S-S, ma'am.

  Miss Cochran - the dog trainer : Well, that's Baruk's attack word. A dog can respond to any command as long as he's trained to understand it. Here, I'll show you. Baruk. Watch him. Watch him. Kill!

  [Baruk jumps up on Lt. Columbo and licks his face] 

  Lt. Columbo : [relieved]  Oh, ho, yes! Yes, you're a good doggie. Yes. All right. All right, that's enough.

  Miss Cochran - the dog trainer : Baruk, down.

  Lt. Columbo : That's enough.

  Miss Cochran - the dog trainer : Down.

  Lt. Columbo : All right. Whew. You mean that a trainer can control a dog with any word? Any word at all?

  Miss Cochran - the dog trainer : A sign, or a sound, a word - ANY word, in any language.

• Dr. Eric Mason : What the hell are you playing at?

  Lt. Columbo : Oh, just my game, sir. You're good at tennis and word games, and Dr. Hunter, he was a winner with women. This is my game.

• Lt. Columbo : Who knows what goes on in the head of a dog?

• Lt. Columbo : Well, we'll be seeing more of each other, sir, until the investigation is settled.

  Dr. Eric Mason : Lieutenant. It's not that I haven't been impressed by your company, but what is there to settle?

  Lt. Columbo : Well, it's that telephone again, sir. You see, whoever called Dr. Hunter musta heard those awful sounds in the kitchen, sir. Must have heard the dogs and a man dying. Dying and screaming, sir, and nobody called the police. We never got a report, sir. Not a single one - except for the young girl down here in the guest house; so, you can see, we would like to know who made that telephone call, sir. You understand, sir.

• Lt. Columbo : Well, listen, you're only a dog. You're not a college professor.

• Lt. Columbo : But I'm sure you're good at games, sir.

• Lt. Columbo : [to an open-mouthed Dr Mason:]  Don't feel you have to comment, sir, it's just a theory.