- [The Caretaker spots Arthur's first suicide attempt]
- Caretaker: What are you doing?
- Arthur Harris: I'm minding my own sodding business, which is more than can be said for you, you snivelling little turd!
- Fiona Harris: I'm leaving you.
- Arthur Harris: When are you coming back?
- Fiona Harris: I'm not. I'm going for good.
- Arthur Harris: What? What for?
- Fiona Harris: We're just not getting on.
- Arthur Harris: Not getting on? We happen to be very happily married.
- Fiona Harris: We're not.
- Arthur Harris: I am.
- Fiona Harris: I'm not!
- Arthur Harris: Oh, I see, it's not a question of we're not happily married, it's you! Why not?
- Fiona Harris: We always seem to be arguing.
- Arthur Harris: Rubbish.
- Fiona Harris: We're arguing now.
- Arthur Harris: No, we're not. We're discussing.
- Fiona Harris: We're arguing!
- Arthur Harris: I won't let you get me into an argument by insisting we're arguing.
- Raymonde: So, er, what's your problem, Mr. Harris?
- Arthur Harris: Well, there's this man after me.
- Batch: Ooh, lucky old you!
- Raymonde: Cool it, Batch!
- Raymonde: Go on.
- Arthur Harris: Well, Tony thought it would be a good idea if I had some protection and recommended you.
- Raymonde: Yeah, well it depends who's after you. If it's C.I.D. or Special Branch; dead easy. But if it's secret intelligence service or customs and excise, it's not to bad; 'ere, it's not American Express, is it? No? 'Cos' if it is - no way!