The Funhouse (1981)

Kevin Conway: Freak Show Barker, Strip Show Barker, Funhouse Barker

Photos 

Quotes 

• Funhouse : I've been expecting you.

  Amy Harper : Why are you doing this? Why are you trying to kill us?

  Funhouse : I'm just protecting my family.

  Amy Harper : Your family? But that guy... He's not even human.

  Funhouse : The Lord works in mysterious ways, little lady. He ain't such a bad fella. My son does get himself in all sorts of trouble, though, don't he? Anyway, blood is thicker than water. I'm sure he's gonna be a real comfort to me in my old age. Now, how many people know you're here?

  Amy Harper : [lying]  Lots. Our parents... they all know.

  Funhouse : [scoffs]  Well, no matter. We'll be pullin' outta here tomorrow mornin'. There's plenty other carnivals.

  Buzz Klemmet : What'd you do with Liz? The other girl?

  Funhouse : Oh, I expect by now he's just finishin' up with her. We'll just wait here till he gets back.

  Amy Harper : [CUTTING-ROOM FLOOR-LINE: Amy steps forward, in tears]  Listen, we're sorry we took the money. We don't care about the money; we just want to get out of here! *Please, just let us go.*

  [Richie's corpse appears] 

  Funhouse : Oh, my, my! That IS a gruesome sight.

  [Buzz attacks the Funhous Barker for his gun, which goes off and kills the Barker; then the Monster appears and attacks Buzz for the gun, which goes off again and kills Buzz] 

• Funhouse : ...Who will dare to face the challenge of the Funhouse? Who is mad enough to enter that world of darkness? How about you, sir...?

• Funhouse : [discovers that the Monster -- who also turns out to be his son Gunther -- has killed Madame Zena after paying her for sex... because she wouldn't give him a refund]  You paid Madame Zena a hundred dollars for this? You crazy fool; I could have gotten you one of them showgirls for twenty...! Well, you never were much for knowing the value of cash, were you?

• Funhouse : [to the freak]  Hit yerself, you ugly thing!

• Funhouse : [patching things up with Gunther, his Monstrous son]  It ain't like I'm having you do something we never needed to do before... Now come on, boy; I didn't mean all that stuff I said back there. You know how it is with me. Sometimes I just get to drinking, that's all, and I forget to be careful with you... Our business with those two little half-pint Girl Scouts; I know, that was the worst of them all. But that's your brother Victor on display in the freak show, remember? And when they lynched your mama... that was horrible too, wasn't it? I don't want that for you, boy. Hear what I'm saying? *I just don't want that for you.* The two of us need each other, right? Who else do we have? So you just do this for me -- one necessary evil -- and we'll dump them where nobody will think to look; then I'll take you fishing, or whatever you want, just like I used to. How about that...? And son -- as the Good Lord is my witness, *I don't hate the sound of your voice.*