John Cleese: First Barbter, Wrestling commentator, Pope Julius II, Silly Olympiad commentator #1, Mr. Teabag, Lenin, Albatross vendor, Archimedes, Mr. Barnard, Man in white suit, Little Red Riding Hood, Church policeman, Voice of God, Mountie
Photos
Quotes
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Michelangelo : Good evening, Your Holiness.
The Pope : Evening, Michelangelo. I want to talk to you about this painting of yours, The Last Supper. I'm not happy about it.
Michelangelo : Oh, dear. It took me hours.
The Pope : Not happy at all.
Michelangelo : Is it the jello you don't like?
The Pope : No.
Michelangelo : It does add a bit of colour, doesn't it. Oh, I know, you don't like the kangaroo.
The Pope : What kangaroo?
Michelangelo : No problem, I'll paint him out.
The Pope : I never saw a kangaroo.
Michelangelo : Uh, he's right at the back. No sweat, I'll make him into a disciple. All right?
The Pope : That's the problem.
Michelangelo : What is?
The Pope : The disciples.
Michelangelo : Are they too Jewish? I made Judas the most Jewish.
The Pope : No, it's just that there are 28 of them.
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Albatross vendor : Albatross... Albatross. ALBATROSS.
[looks to someone in the crowd]
Albatross vendor : You're not supposed to be smoking that. Albatross.
Someone in the crowd : What flavour is it? What flavour is it?
Albatross person : Seagull sickle... Pelican bon-bon... ALBATROSS.
Albatross person : I will have two ice creams, please.
Albatross vendor : I don't have any ice creams, I've just got this albatross. ALBATROSS.
Albatross person : What flavour is it?
Albatross vendor : ...Well it's an albatross. Isn't it? It's not any bloody flavour. ALBATROSS.
Albatross person : It's got to be some flavour, I mean everything's got a flavour.
Albatross vendor : All right. All right. It's bloody... albatross flavour... Bleedin' seabird bleedin' flavour. ALBATROSS.
Albatross person : You get wafers with it?
Albatross vendor : Of course you don't getting fucking wafers with it, you cunt. It's a fucking albatross isn't it.
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Argument Customer : This isn't an argument! It's just contradiction!
Mr.Barnard : No, it isn't!
Argument Customer : Yes it is!
Mr.Barnard : No, no, no!
Argument Customer : It is!
Mr.Barnard : No, it isn't!
Argument Customer : Yes it is! An argument is an intellectual process! It isn't just contradiction!
Mr.Barnard : Look, if I'm to argue with you, I have to take up a contracitary position!
Argument Customer : Yes, but it's not just saying "No it isn't!"
Mr.Barnard : Yes, it is!
Argument Customer : No, it isn't!
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Michelangelo : I'll tell you what you want! You want a bloody photographer! That's what *you* want!
The Pope : [Gets off his throne and approaches Michelangelo] I'll tell you what I want! I want a Last Supper with *one* Christ, *twelve* disciples, no kangaroos, no... trampoline acts, by Thursday lunch, or you don't get paid!
Michelangelo : Bloody fascist! Bloody C of E!
The Pope : [Runs him off] I am the bloody Pope, aren't I?
[to the crowd]
The Pope : I may not know much about art, but I know what I like.
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First Barber , Second Barber , Third Barber , Fourth Barber : [singing] Sit on my face and tell me that you love me, I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you too, I love to hear you oralise, when I'm between your thighs you blow me away. Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you, I'll sit on your face and then I'll love you truly, life can be fine if we both 69, if we sit on our faces in all sorts of places and play till we're blown away.
