Probe (1988)

Parker Stevenson: Austin James

Quotes 

• Austin : That's a new dress.

  Michelle : You like it?

  Austin : Yeah. The material's fire resistant, and I like the way the color washes out the pigment in your eyes.

  Michelle : Thanks... I think.

• [as he sledge-hammers a computer] 

  Austin : Okay, pinhead, sing "Daisy."

• Austin : You want to find out something about someone, look in their dirt.

• [entering a morgue] 

  Michelle : In a minute, I'm going to be sick.

  Austin : It's all in your head.

  Michelle : In a minute it'll be all over the floor.

• [referring to a computer] 

  Michelle : I don't know what to say to it.

  Austin : Insult it, threaten it. Pretend you're talking to me.

• [in his workshop/laboratory] 

  Austin : Why do men blink three times every ten seconds, and women only twice? What part of the brain is the soul located in? What was the blood-clotting mechanism of a tyranosaurus? Nobody knows. But the answers are here. And I'm going to find them. That's what kind of place this is. It's the universe!

• Austin : I'm going to take you on the greatest adventure of your life. You probably'll never even thank me. Let's go.

• Michelle : A science groupie. I have seen everything.

  Austin : She's obviously done a lot of work on this. We have to encourage young minds, Micki. Give them a chance to tap our brains.

  Michelle : I think she may want to tap more than your brain.

• Michelle : I thought you never lied.

  Austin : I don't. It's just that sometimes I withhold the qualifiers.

  Michelle : For somebody who says facts are all that count, Mr. Jimmy Austin, you're the most deceitful person I know.

  Austin : I once determined that there are forty-nine different ways to misrepresent the truth. I only use six, way below the national average of thirty-two.

• Michelle : I'm sorry, Mr. James, but you're weird.

  Austin : Don't say weird. Say maladjusted.

  Michelle : Why?

  Austin : I prefer it.

• Michelle : What kind of human being are you?

  Austin : When I was eight years old, I took off all my clothes and painted myself blue. Then I climbed up on the roof of a house, I placed both thumbs on the base of a lightning rod, and faced the electromagnetic north pole. Why? Why did I do that?

  Michelle : How should I know?

  Austin : Well, when you figure it out, then you'll know what kind of human being I am.

• Michelle : You're not on drugs or anything, are you?

  Austin : I have fragmented REM cycles. I'm slightly schizophrenic.

  Michelle : Is that why you sleep in a tool cabinet?

  Austin : Sensory deprivation tank. Helps me dream.