Dead Heat (1988)
Joe Piscopo: Doug Bigelow
Photos
Quotes
-
[last lines]
Det. Doug Bigelow : Roger, I think this is the end of a beautiful friendship.
-
Det. Roger Mortis : You know, the weird thing is, I feel fine. I feel like I could run in the Boston Marathon.
Det. Doug Bigelow : Hey, no, you couldn't, Roger. It's not opened to dead people.
Det. Roger Mortis : You think they'd check?
Det. Doug Bigelow : Oh, they're very strict now.
-
Det. Doug Bigelow : [He shuts the porno mag the clerk's being reading] Sorry to interrupt your erection.
-
Det. Doug Bigelow : Roger, you were underwater in that Jacuzzi for five straight minutes.
Det. Roger Mortis : That's right, I was.
Det. Doug Bigelow : Can you teach my girlfriend how to do that?
-
[a reanimated cow walks out of the freezer]
Det. Roger Mortis : How do you fight this thing?
Det. Doug Bigelow : Maybe you can drown it in A1 sauce.
-
Det. Doug Bigelow : [to a dead body] You are under arrest. You have the right to remain disgusting.
-
Det. Roger Mortis : [to Rebecca] The most important thing for me to do right now is to nail whoever did this to me. You understand that, don't you?
Det. Doug Bigelow : Personally rip his heart out with my bare hands, Roger. Hold the heart in the palm of my hand and we'll watch it stops beating together.
Det. Roger Mortis : That's nice, Doug, but let's find him first.
-
Det. Doug Bigelow : So what color did you get?
Det. Roger Mortis : [looks at lipstick] Uh, mulberry wine.
Det. Doug Bigelow : That's a good choice.
Det. Doug Bigelow : [effeminately] Brings out your eyes.
-
Mr. Thule : Life and death are both expressions of the same eternal spirit.
Det. Doug Bigelow : You oughta write fortune cookies, pal.
-
Det. Doug Bigelow : This little piggy's going to market.
-
Det. Doug Bigelow : [playing around with an autopsy tool] Hey doctor, what is this for anyway?
Dr. Ernest McNab : Uh.
[grim chuckle]
Dr. Ernest McNab : You wouldn't want to know.
-
[Mortis is brought back to life by the Resurrection Machine]
Det. Roger Mortis : I still don't believe it. I sorry Doug, I just don't believe it.
Det. Doug Bigelow : Minute by minute Roger. That's the only way to take this. It's the only way to live anyhow.
Det. Roger Mortis : Easy for you to say.
Rebecca Smythers : Roger, you haven't heard the worst of it.
Det. Roger Mortis : I'm dead Rebecca. How much worse can it get?
Rebecca Smythers : I've been scanning the lab report. The Resurrection Process has an unfortunate side effect.
Det. Roger Mortis : Which is what?
Rebecca Smythers : Progressive decay of re-animated tissue. Irreversible cell damage. You've got ten to twelve hours, tops.
Det. Roger Mortis : And then what?
Rebecca Smythers : All of the cells in your body will dissolve into a kind of organic stew.
Det. Doug Bigelow : Becky, can't you just pop him back in for a recharge?
Rebecca Smythers : This thing isn't a toaster oven Doug.
-
[Smythers gets Mortis to sit on an autopsy table so she can examine him]
Rebecca Smythers : So how are you feeling?
Det. Roger Mortis : Great. Picture of health.
Rebecca Smythers : [to hanging microphone] Subject Mortis comma Roger. Post mortem follow up July 6th. approximate time eighteen forty five.
Det. Roger Mortis : Do you have to talk into that thing. This is not an autopsy.
Det. Doug Bigelow : Hey Rog, you are dead, this is a morgue and she is a coroner.
Det. Roger Mortis : Thanks.
-
Det. Doug Bigelow : [sarcastically] I love this job Roger. I love the power. I love the little badges. I love being a human target for anyone within sniping range of a donut shop.
Det. Roger Mortis : It does have it's perks.
-
Det. Doug Bigelow : Roger, maybe you ought to get yourself a change of clothes. Being dead isn't something you should advertise.
Randi James : I might have something in my closet.
Det. Doug Bigelow : Something for that unexpected overnight guest, Miss James?
Randi James : From an ex-boyfriend, Mr. Bigelow. A very ex.
-
Det. Doug Bigelow : You remember when we were in training? They always told us, "You can't be a good cop if you're a dead cop." Here's your chance to prove them wrong. You're good and you're dead.
Det. Roger Mortis : I'm good and I'm dead.
-
Det. Roger Mortis : Doug, you're alive.
Dr. Ernest McNab : He can't understand a word you've said, Roger. He's been brain-dead too long, which means he's mindless and totally obedient. Kill this guy, would you?
Det. Doug Bigelow : Kill this guy, would you?
-
Det. Doug Bigelow : Roger, he said I should... He said I should hurt you. But I'm gonna hurt him.
Det. Roger Mortis : Kill that guy, would you?
-
[Bigelow and Mortis carrying out a messy search]
Det. Doug Bigelow : You know you can never find anything good until you really trash a place.
Randi James : Stumbling over any clues detectives?