Christmas Vacation (1989)

Doris Roberts: Frances Smith

Photos 

Quotes 

• Frances : [looking at Ruby Sue surprised]  Oh my gosh, her eyes aren't crossed anymore.

  Eddie : That somethin' ain't it? She falls down a well, her eyes go crossed. She gets kicked by a mule. They go back to normal. I don't know.

  [laughs] 

  Eddie : And this here's our pride and joy Snots.

  [Snots blusters a sneeze] 

  Clark : Pretty name Ed.

  Eddie : [Snots puts his snotty nose on Rusty, and he makes a disgusted face]  Yeah we named him that because he's got this sinus condition. Snots you roll over and let uncle Clark scratch your belly.

• [after Clark fails at lighting all the exterior Christmas lights at the "lighting ceremony" in front of the entire family] 

  Frances : Talk about pissing your money away. I hope you kids see what a silly waste of resources this was.

  Audrey : He worked really hard, Grandma.

  Art : So do washing machines.

• Audrey : [Peeling a carrot]  Would it be indecent to ask the grandparents to stay at a hotel?

  Ellen : Audrey!

  Audrey : Well can we at least forbid them to answer the phone? Alexander called this morning and grandpa Clark told him... I couldn't come to the phone 'cause I was going to the bathroom.

  Ellen : We're all making sacrifices, Audrey.

  Audrey : Everybody? Do you sleep with your brother? Do you know how sick and twisted that is, mom?

  Ellen : [Grabs a box of matches off the fridge]  Well, I'm sleeping with your father. Don't be so dramatic.

  Audrey : I have nightmares about what he does in his bed alone when I'm not lying right next to him.

  Ellen : Well, I don't know what to say, except it's Christmas and we're all in misery.

  [Lights up a cigarette to smoke and Frances calls out from the next room] 

  Frances : Ellen, are you smoking again?

  [Ellen puts out the cigarette] 

  Ellen : No!

  [Grabs a cabbage and chops it in half]