Have I Got News for You (1990– )

Tom Baker: Self, Self - Guest Presenter

Quotes 

• Tom Baker : I used to go out with a girl who smelled like a bonfire.

  Ian Hislop : She was a witch, was she?

  Tom Baker : She may have been a witch, but oh, she was a goer!

• [caption competition - a photo of a solemn-looking Angus wearing a motorbike helmet with a skull and crossbones on it, but also wearing a shirt and tie as per usual. A biker is in the background] 

  Paul Merton : General Pinochet's right hand man arrested at last.

  Ian Hislop : New chapter opens of Hells Chartered Accountants.

  Tom Baker : How do you like your blue-eyed boy, Mr Death?

  [this draws the biggest laugh from the audience] 

  Ian Hislop : Angus takes his stabilisers off.

  Paul Merton : Your toupee'll be ready in a moment, Mr Deayton.

• Tom Baker : He's so depressing!

  Guest : Well, this is Dr Who and Dr Doom.

  Tom Baker : Give us a bit of hope, Cock?

  Guest : Things are bad for bankers in the City. Have you heard the joke that's going round? What's the difference between a Banker and a Pigeon? A Pigeon can leave a deposit on a Lamborghini...

• Tom Baker : I find as my sight diminishes I get on better with people. I just got out of an affair with my wife.

  Paul Merton : If she finds out she'll be furious.

• Tom Baker : [Sarah Palin]  She's put the Hot in Hot but she's also put the Alas in Alaska.

• Tom Baker : The Sarah Palin doll is also available in a "Dirty Schoolgirl" version.

  Guest : I've wanted to meet you for so long! Now look at it!