The Amityville Curse (1990 Video) User Reviews

The Amityville Curse: Absolutely dire

[Platypuschow · 2/10 · 20 November 2017]

When I decided to binge watch the Amityville films I hadn't seen before I feared the worst. Partially because they've hardly impressed me and partially because the IMDb ratings for them were really poor.

Starring Kim Coates this one screams milking the franchise, it doesn't look or feel like an Amityville film in fact I think it's barely even acknowledged twice maybe three times throughout.

Random visions, a person possessed and a whole lot of nothing is what you can expect from these 90 minutes of sheer unadulterated boredom.

Terrible flawed storyline, lackluster performances and very little to draw your attention for a moment let alone maintain it.

The Good:

Nope

The Bad:

The psycho music, really!?

Unforgivably boring

Was that even the Amityville house?

Things I Learnt From This Movie:

I learnt that this Amityville binge might have been a bad move

The Amityville Curse

[HorrorFan1984 · 2/10 · 15 March 2020]

The Amityville Curse ... oh boy, where to begin.

A priest is shot to death while in his confessional booth by an unknown assailant. That booth is then stored in the basement of his house for some reason. Flash forward 12 years later, we meet two couples (Marvin & Debbie, Frank & Abigail) and a single friend of theirs named Bill who all buy that house formerly owned by the murdered priest. They plan on fixing it up and renting it out I think (the movie never goes into details on that).

Our Amityville 5 heroine Debbie is someone who experiences premonitions in her day to day life, so as soon as she enters the house her senses are triggered by the evil surrounding her. She quickly freaks out at literally everything that happens in the house. We get black cats, a creepy basement, and a ghost hanging from a tree outside the house. None of which connects to anything or makes any kind of sense. Eventually we see an unknown assailant (the same person who killed the priest) knock off a few more people. This leads to the discovery of who that killer is and the knowledge that they are in fact possessed by the curse of Amityville. It comes down to seeing if Debbie will survive the final act against the killer, a final act that manages to be somewhat intense and well done.

The fact is this is an Amityville sequel by name only. It carries the series name, but does not have anything to do with the DeFeo's or Lutz's or even that Baxtor family from the 3-D sequel. It suffers with a bit of an identity crisis as well. It wants to be a haunted house Amityville sequel, but also plays the murder mystery of who killed the priest twelve years ago (by the way, it is extremely obvious who the killer is about 15 minutes in). The movie never takes a direction with a specific plot and sticks to it.

The acting was a particularly weak point. Most are relatively unknown Canadian actors who are clearly out of their element. Even Kim Coates (who I expect a bit more from) looked bored during 90% of his scenes. The characters also aren't fun or interesting at all, which made me feel absolutely nothing when most of them met their demise.

The Amityville Curse is a cheaply made horror movie about ghosts and a murder mystery, nothing to do with Amityville at all other than it is set on Long Island. The final 15 minutes is actually creepy and done well, but to get through over an hour of absolutely no scares and really bad dialogue and no story direction is NOT worth it.

Luckily, the series gets much better after this.

2/10

Plodding and predictable.

[gridoon · 4/10 · 27 August 2002]

First of all, this wasn't meant to be an "Amityville" sequel, it just tried to draw its audience by using that word in the title, but otherwise has little to do with what has happened before it in the series. That would be OK if they had come up with a good flick anyway - but they didn't. Do you find it a good idea for a horror movie to give away its own surprises halfway through? If not, then avoid this one. (*1/2)

Curse of the Amityville movies

[kirk.wagstaff · 14 September 2002]

I had to track this film down for four years in the UK, simply every video store and rental company refused to stock it. But was it worth it?

The Amityville Curse is based around Hans Holtzer's impressive book which is a worthy competitor to Jay Ansons original work. Pretty much nothing in this film related to anything in the book which makes you wonder why they even bothered to use the Amityville name at all. I am quite sure this was for profitable reasons since the series has been so popular, despite some horrendously awful movies. The Amityville Curse is just another of these.

The main focus of this movie centers around a murdered priest in a confession-booth. After getting blown away with a pistol we are taken to the `Amityville house' – which by the way, looks nothing like it. A group of people buy it from the market at next to nothing, with no electricity which makes for some atmospheric lighting - at least they got this right. Marvin (Anthony Dean Rubes), is an Uncle Buck-style goof who has to carry the rest of the incompetent co-stars throughout ninety minutes of the usual Amityville outing, which includes such supernatural events as dogs barking and a wine glass being shattered. So chilling…

As is traditional in an Amityville film a psychic just happens to be among the group to make the rest of the cast paranoid. Debbie (Dawna Wightman) tries way too hard and ends up looking pretentious and embarrassing in the process. I wasn't surprised to hear this was the only film she starred in. The rest of the cast aren't even worth a mention apart from the bum in the bar who looks dead for ten minutes and then spouts; `You know something Mr, you don't know s***'. A lot of this time The Amityville Curse tries to be a comedy and has some really confusing characters. Mrs Moriarty, the freak with the glass eye is a third-rate Tangina from the Poltergeist films who thankfully gets demonised before long. One cannot help but cheer on the demons when it's her time. However in comic-book style she miraculously knocked over a video camera moments before so her death is witnessed and the killer is exposed – as one of the members of the house.

Later it is uncovered that the confession-booth, along with other holy items have been hidden in the basement. Quite how they got there is something which is never explained. I can only assume the demons come packaged with all the religious items, or something – why would they be present in a basement of the supposed Amityville house with crosses, holy water, and a confession booth? Would this not deter them? This and many other events are never explained to us, which gives you an idea of how great the writers are.

So another tradition lives as the possessed confession-booth killer becomes demonised for no other reason but to end the film, and then attempts to devour his former friends. Unfortunately the demons seem to be having an off-day and are exorcised from the house after a few dainty love-taps.

Not a very impressive film and certainly not worth hunting down. Too much talking and unnecessary camera-work makes the ninety minutes drag. Also I would like to know what the BBFC are playing at giving this an 18 certificate since nothing in this film surpassed anything a 12 movie does today. Still we are waiting for the next sequel and whether it is going to require any intelligence to watch. 2/5

Just plain awful!

[OllieSuave-007 · 2/10 · 10 October 2019]

I usually reserve the month of October for scary or horror movies to celebrate Halloween, and I thought this movie might serve as a nice attention-grabbing creepy thriller. Under than a few mildly moments that jump at you, this movie is basically an all-talk flick with no suspense, a weak plot, bad dialog, and horrible acting.

From IMDB's summary, five people spend the night in an abandoned house dubbed the Amityville house, but it has nothing to do with the infamous Amityville horror house or story. The people find themselves terrorized by ghosts (which hardly shows up in the film), venomous insects (which is just one single spider that crept up on a couple of people), and apparitions (which hardly shows up).

The Debbie character played by Dawna Wightman can't act to save her life. She over-exerts herself during distress or emotional scenes. The Marvin character played by David Stein tries to act professional or dramatic, but fails miserably. And, the Abigail character played by Cassandra Gava tries to be the sexy one, and tries to be the one with reason, but the acting just isn't up to par.

Go ahead and pass on this one for a Halloween scare.

Grade D---

Watchable but rather dull, incoherent shocker.

[hu675 · 4/10 · 26 November 2007]

When a priest (Jan Rubes) was murdered years ago in a confession booth in his Church. The murderer was never found and the priest's personal stuff is been boarded up in the basement, where he used to live. Now in the present day, a group of five people (Kim Coates, Dawna Wrightman, David Stein, Anthony Dean Rubes and Cassandra Gava) are moving in the old priest's house. Which this house is supposed to be haunted and now the ground are experiencing strange things in the house. They been hearing noises, having nightmares, seeings visions and more. But one of them is the group of friends is not what he seems to be and they better get out of the house before it's too late.

Directed by Tom Berry made an rather boring supernatural horror film that has nothing to do with the previous "Amityville" movies and even the house is different. The cast tries their best but the script is boring and very dumb at times. It is very obvious this one, it was made in Canada unlike the other pictures. This film is based on a book by Hans Holzer, who wrote the book "Murder in Amityville". Which that book was turned into a picture titled "Amityville 2:The Possession". Also the movie is laughably bad, even the last act. Don't watch it, it's forgettable. (* ½/*****).

The curse of the never ending series!

[Captain_Couth · 1/10 · 4 June 2004]

The Amityville Curse (1990) has very little to do with the series. Why did they call it this then. I guess nobody would want to rent a movie called "The Spooky House" or the "The Curse of an Evil House". In their infinite wisdom, the producers probably sat around in a smoky room thinking up of ways they could market this film. "Hey, how's about we make another Amityville Horror movie?" "Why" asked the second Producer. "They just made another one for T.V. So hears what we do, we finish the film and just loop in a mention of Amityville House. If we's have to," explained the Executive Producer. "If that's too expensive we'll just make up a scary poster and video art and leave it at that."

You know what? That's probably what happened. Bad movie that's nearly unwatchable. But it's fun to make fun of if you're in the right mood or if you're hanging with some friends. Other wise avoid it like the plague!

Boring, even with snack

[zabou-59131 · 2/10 · 22 May 2020]

I ate a full dinner and chips, and played lego while watching this movie. Truly one of the most boring horror movie I saw recently. Don't get me wrong, if I were to buy a house and have half of this stuff happening, I would be terrified. But as a movie? Not so much. I guess you ''needed to be there''. The supernatural aspect was blurry. Ghost? Vengeful spirit? Demonic possession? Serial killer? Who knows!

This movie was pathetic!

[neobowler · 2/10 · 31 October 2002]

I could not believe how dumb and pointless this movie was. It almost made me sick to watch it. The acting was terrible accept maybe a couple of people who were worse than terrible. There was no direction in this movie, I don't think this should even be considered a movie. I just happened to stumble upon it and found that my grandma had taped it about ten years ago. I saw the Amityville name and figured it might be worth watching. I was wrong. One word describes it, and that word is pathetic!

Unwatchable

[VENUSxINxFAUXxFURS18 · 1/10 · 16 March 2013]

I wish I could give it negative stars. If you are a fan of The Amityville series, or just movies in general, do not waste your time on this. You will be horribly disappointed. The plot and characters are poorly written., The writers obviously thought that riding the Amityville coat tales would be enough for a semi successful movie. They could not have been more wrong. This movie goes nowhere.

It was like watching a poorly written sitcom: weak ploy, weak acting, It is not to often than one comes across a movie this horrible. I tried watching just hoping it would get better but I could not get through 20 minutes before shutting it off.

Junk

[Leofwine_draca · 3/10 · 31 July 2015]

THE AMITYVILLE CURSE is a junk addition to the AMITYVILLE HORROR franchise. It's an entirely forgettable production that looks and feels like any old low budget haunted house flick as there's no real connection to the other films in this series. What we have is a very typical horror film in which a group of friends move into a dilapidated old house in order to renovate it but instead find themselves menaced and then possessed by a gang of spooks.

By all accounts this was an early straight-to-video film and that shows in its level of ineptitude. Absolutely nothing happens in this production that we haven't seen done better in other horror films and the various scare scenes are a joke. The direction is probably the worst thing about this, as he chooses to shoot most of his scenes in the dark so that the viewer is straining to see what's going on. The only familiar member of the cast for me was the lead, Kim Coates, who's gone on to appear in the likes of BLACK HAWK DOWN, but like the rest of the actors he gives an entirely undistinguished performance.

Lots Of Fun Horror With A Good Story! Didn't Deserve The Criticism It Recieved.

[movies2u · 10/10 · 5 August 2003]

The Amityville Curse (1990)/(1989)

First of all, I want to say that this was actually a good movie, and was definetely not a teen ghost/slasher movie. I've heard from others on IMDB of how bad it was, but I completely disagree. The Amityville Curse is about a group of friends who move into a dilapidated old mansion in the historical Amityville area. The house looks like an old Victorian home and the friends plan to refurbish the house as an investment, but soon are haunted by spirits in the house. They then discover that the home belonged to a priest, and that the confession booth that he was murdered in is stored in their basement cellar....

I thought this was a good premise, and the acting wasn't that bad actually. The movie had some scares, good effects for the time era, and was just plain good. The movie doesn't really belong in the Amityville series, because it doesn't involve the original Amityville house, but it stands perfectly on its own independently. I give it a 10/10.

Welcome to friendly Amityville

[sol-kay · 6/10 · 21 December 2008]

**SPOILERS** Another spin-off of the original 1979 movie "the Amityville Horror" which has really nothing to do with what made the house in Amityville famous, or infamous, in the first place! The 1974 murder of the family who resided there by their drugged up and satanically possessed son.

In this film the movie has to do with the murder of a local priest,Jan Rubes,who had his brains blown out during confession by one of his church members! This all happened some 12 years earlier, in 1977, in the movie that we see in a long flashback. It's now 1989 and this group of friends, looking for a place to live in the country, from the big city end up spending the night at the dark and spooky house in Amityville.

Warned by one of the local people the one-eyed Ms. Moriarty, Helen Hughes, that there's a curse on the house the people spending the night there laugh her off feeling that she's just an old eccentric looking for attention. It turns out that Mrs. Moriarty, whom we saw in the opening flashback sequence, is not as nutty as they think. She not only knows what the reason is for the priest's murder but who was the person who murdered him!

The film slowly plays itself out in it going back to the murder of the priest whom we later find out was not as holy as he seemed to make himself out to be. it turned out that his alleged murderer, Ted A. Bohus, hung himself in police custody before he could make a confession to the priest's murder. The people staying in the house at first have no idea what the house, with all the books and movies written and released about it, represents: Death and Horror to those who dare to either buy or spend the night in it. It's only after the truth comes out, which takes almost the entire film, to what the reasons were behind the priests murder and who in fact murdered him that the proverbial sh*t really hits the fan! It's then that the past that was so conveniently hidden by the killer, and Mrs. Moriarty, comes to the surface like a sudden blast out of a volcano.

Unlike the previous Amityville Horror movies this one has really nothing at all to do with the supernatural or the cursed house itself. There's a subplot in the film involving one of the persons staying at the house Debbie, Dawna Wightman, who seems to be possessed by the place but it's never fully explained why. If Debbie is so in tuned with the horror, by who the killer is, awaiting her and her friends she in fact was one the last persons to realize it. The obvious unseen killer, by his own actions, could have been spotted almost as soon as he came on the scene but it took a murderous attack on Debbie by him for her to realize just who he is! So much for Debbie's, together with the help of Mrs. Moriarty, extrasensory perception and psychic powers! One of the better Amityville Horror sequels even though it was more like a whodunit-like murder mystery then a supernatural horror movie.

As bad as expected!

[mario_c · 2/10 · 23 January 2008]

It's a cheap production sequel to AMITYVILLE series that has almost nothing to do with the original movie (or even the story!). The kind of plot used is the same which have been used so many times before. The production is much worse than the previous films (at least comparing with the first two movies). The soundtrack is very different too and it's terrible (it's between very poor pseudo-mysterious sounds and a cheap imitation of PSYCHO's tube scene track). But if the production and the soundtrack are really bad, the acting is not better; especially the performance of Dawna Wightman (who plays DEBBIE). It's incredibly awful! Is she a professional actress? I really don't think so! Anyway, this chapter doesn't add anything new to the series and it would be totally unnecessary!

So true, its a curse all right!

[uds3 · 10 December 2003]

"Moviecritique USA" rates this a 10/10 eh? up there with LAWRENCE OF ARABIA, CITIZEN KANE, 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY, MIDNIGHT COWBOY and LORD OF THE RINGS? Let's pass on that one!

This rates below PLAN NINE FROM OUTER SPACE! It should not be confused with ANY Amityville sequel, or even a professionally made film come to that. THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT was the con-job of the last millennium but even IT is classic filmmaking besides this dreck!

The ONLY reason to watch it is the last fifteen minutes. Never have I seen one person take so much laughable punishment....and keep going! Its a hoot!

It starts...nothing sensible happens, then it stops. End of story!

Bland, boring and features very little good moments

[slayrrr666 · 5/10 · 1 April 2008]

"The Amityville Curse" is a less-than-spectacular entry in the series.

**SPOILERS**

Years after a brutal murder, Marvin, (David Stein) his wife Abigail, (Cassandra Gava) and Bill, (Anthony Dean Rubes) help friends Frank, (Kim Coates) and his wife Debbie, (Dawna Wightman) move into a new house in Amityville, New York. Waiting with them until the furniture arrives, they decide to spend the night as a house-warming gesture, and immediately start to experience strange events around the house. As the night wears on, she becomes even more convinced that something is going on in the house but no one is willing to take her seriously. As the events in the house soon reach more extreme behavior, they eventually learn that one of the previous inhabitants of the house had gone mad listening to voices that emanated from the house, and had turned him into a murderer believed to have been deceased. Realizing that something is amiss, they try to find out the truth about the house before more incidents drive them crazy.

The Good News: This here is a really hard film to get into, even for the series fans as there's so little right with it. One of the only things is that the stalking or haunting scenes in the beginning do get pretty good at times. The several bathtub scenes are pretty good, mainly for the nudity, but also due to the fact that there's some really nice spook scenes that come from them. There's some fun to be had with these, and it's some really great fun with these scenes coming in at the right moments. There's also some really nice stuff to come along from the ending chase, which is really nice, has a couple creepy scenes and the film's main gore stuff. Included in the chase is a couple of bloody stabbings, a circular saw blade to the knee and a pretty nifty manner of disposal. It's pretty nice, and remains one of the bright things about the film. The other thing is that the added plot points in here make it feel more than just a usual film entry that copies the formula of the past ad nausea. These here are the only good things about the film that work.

The Bad News: This here was a really disappointing entry that has a couple substantial flaws in it. The biggest one is easily the lack of the action in here. This one features only a select few scenes of any real action or excitement, and that means there's long segments of the film with nothing at all that happens and it feels really dull. That's the other major factor to come from this, is that it really feels dull, listless and poorly paced out. There's no need for it to be as lifeless as it is, with only a couple times with anything that will generate excitement. Otherwise, this one here is just punctuated with endless scene after endless scene of the group discussing what's gong on or what they think should be the next course of action. It generates no action, no suspense, nothing at all of interest and is just a method to eat up time that should've been better spent doing anything else, since this one fails at that. It's also hard to take the film as a haunted house film, since there's very little here that can actually be attributed to a haunted house. In fact, this one abandons that in favor of a murder mystery that is so easy to solve it can be done in five minutes and in using that as the crux for the later scenes, it just gets even more dreary, dull and boring. With that manner, it really makes for even worse viewing when there's just nothing in here that has nothing of interest in the way it pans out. These here are the really crippling flaws in the film, and are the ones that are most responsible for it's downfall.

The Final Verdict: Without a whole lot going for it but a few rather decent moments, this one is really hard to make it for fans of the series. They should really be the only ones giving this one a shot, as it feels like an entry, while those who haven't been into the series at this point should ignore this one completely.

Rated R: Violence, Language and Nudity

Nailgun in Amityville

[BandSAboutMovies · 2/10 · 10 February 2020]

Austrian-born ghost hunter Professor Dr. Hans Holzer wrote the book Murder In Amityville that the incredibly salacious and totally awesome Amityville II: The Possession was based on. Eight years later, The Amityville Curse was made, based on another of his books. Holzer wrore a hundred plus books, so people really need to get on making more movies based on his crazy ideas.

This was directed by Tom Berry, who is mainly is known as a producer, helping make movies like Scanners II: The New Order, The Paperboy and Screamers. If you rented movies in the 1990's, you probably picked up a movie that he touched from far away in the Great White North.

Marvin and Debbie bought the house next to the Amityville house because, well, we wouldn't have a movie if they didn't. It's possessed because there's a tunnel that connects the houses. And also, yes, if it wasn't possessed I probably wouldn't be watching this movie.

They bring up some of their friends to help get it back in shape, like Frank (Kim Coates, Carlo from Battlefield Earth), Abigail (Cassandra Gava, the witch who tries to seduce Arnold in Conan the Barbarian) and Bill.

Frank ends up possessed and kills just about everyone but the ladies. He also wipes out Mrs. Moriarty, the former housekeeper. And there's also a story of a priest who died here when the house was once a rectory. This doesn't reach the absurd heights of some of the other Amityville films, but it does have a dude getting shot with a nailgun, so there's that.

worthless

[movieman_kev · 1/10 · 23 August 2011]

A unlikable middle-aged couple purchase a house that bears no resemblance to the Amityville house of previous films and have friends help them move in. Obviously things don't go well (for either them or the hapless viewer) as the house ahem houses the confessional booth that the previous owner/priest got killed in. Yeah I have no clue either.

Doesn't really have anything to do with previous or later films in the diminutive series in the least and doesn't really have anything to recommend it at all. I was just waiting for the terrible thing (i refuse to call it a film lest i sully that term) to be over so i could wash the putrid stench from my body.

My Grade: F-

It's Cursed, Alright

[utgard14 · 1/10 · 25 December 2013]

Marvin and Debbie (David Stein, Dawna Wightman) buy the Amityville house. They are unaware of its past, having lived on the moon for the last decade. They bring some friends over to help renovate. Of course, bad stuff starts to go down. The fifth Amityville is a dreadful Canadian-produced direct-to-video movie that is quite possibly the worst in the series. It has little to do with the previous films. The entire thing looks cheap like it was filmed for fifty Canadian pesos. Dark, dreary mess with pathetic special effects, no scares, and a transparent story. Avoid unless you are desperate to complete the series.

It can't get any worse then this!

[b_kite · 1/10 · 9 April 2019]

The fact that it took me three weeks of off and on viewing to finally make it threw this 87 minute dull piece of crap, should tell you everything you need to know. It's directed horribly, looks terrible, has horrible acting, and has nothing happening in it. It doesn't even take place in the original Amityville house, but, instead a different house in the same city in New York, and by New York I mean Canada.

You'd have to be a real hard-core fan.

[Cole_Early · 2/10 · 7 July 2007]

This is most definitely the worst of the series, given the fact that it has almost nothing to do with Amityville... As a matter-of-fact, I can't remember anything that reminded me of the real horror of Amityville throughout the entire movie,except for two small things: The very ending, of course.

The ending contains a possession, and a similar run of the very original story of the dangers of the actual home in Amityville. That's probably, really, the only part of the film REALLY worth seeing.

The second, is just personal to me, but I've always had my attention stolen from any news of anyone hanging dead. That is by far the scariest way to die to me- a hanging. Therefore, this immediately got my curiosity.

Other than that, though... ...worthless.

I LOVE THE AMITYVILES but not this one

[hellboundsyco · 1/10 · 26 July 2002]

i have seen every amityville apart from amityville 4 and a new generation and all of the others were excerlent (especialy amityville 3) but this one was a real disarster it is extreamly slow unbeleviably boring right up untill the last five minutes so if you want to buy or rent this out only do so and fast forward to the last five minutes

Contains spoilers!!!! a woman is drawn to a house and moves in with lots of other people (does not make sense why) this house was home to a preist killed by his long lost son (drags on and on) the spirit of the son who hanged himself from a tree out side of the house is in the basement and takes over one of the people in the house, old woman dies and man gets sliced and diced by blades and acid etc (that was the last five minutes) and they all die apart from a nuty woman and her freind who for some reason is desprate for sex

so this film is a must see no no so skip this and head for amityville 1992 its about time

This is better then the first 4 Amityville movies

[jacobjohntaylor1 · 10/10 · 5 October 2016]

This is a great horror film it has a great story line. It also has great acting. It also great special effects. The first 4 Amityville movie are very scary. This is the fifth one and it is better. I do not know why the got a 2.8. That is underrating it. I give 10 out of 10. It is a great horror film. Amityville dollhouse is better. But still this is a very scary movie. See it. It is one of the scariest movies from 1990. If you do not get scared then no movie will scary you. This is one of the scariest movie of all time. It is a must see. It is very scary. I need more lines and I am running out of things to say. Great movie great movie great movie. See it.

The Canadian Amityville film!

[jp_91 · 6/10 · 9 September 2020]

"The Amityville Curse" is the fifth part of the Amityville franchise films. This Canadian production is set in The United States, a different house is used and it's supposed to be the Amityville house. The script is serious and the cinematography is great, the filming locations are creepy and the music is simple but effective. A good supernatural mistery film!

'Things are usually cheap for a reason.' - Debbie, 'The Amityville Curse'

[Muldwych · 2/10 · 6 March 2010]

A group of friends buy and move into an old Long Island house, where 12 years earlier, a priest was brutally murdered by a teenager who hanged himself before he could be tried by the police. Soon, the newcomers encounter strange and eventually fatal spectral visitations. Will any of them be intelligent enough to get out before the Amityville curse claims them?

'The Amityville Curse' bears about as much resemblance to 'The Amityville Horror' as a polar bear with lipstick does to Marilyn Monroe. It's little more than a generic haunted house tale dressed up with the Amityville banner - and when I say 'dressed up', I mean with the same amount of effort put into making a Kalahari bushman pass for a diving instructor by giving him a snorkel. Setting the events in Amityville and one throwaway line from a yokel in a bar about a kid murdering his parents doesn't make an Amityville film.

But, I reasoned with myself, what the hell - maybe it'll be like 'Halloween III: Season Of The Witch', which had nothing whatsoever to do with Michael Myers, but was an enjoyable film in its own right. Unfortunately, a hackneyed and incoherent script, annoyingly drawn characters and torturous acting very quickly dashed that optimism against the rocks. Still, 'The Amityville Curse' does helpfully offer up suggestions on things you could be doing that would be less painful than watching it, like being menaced by domestic pets, playing with poisonous chemicals, or maybe having someone frisbee sharp cutting equipment into various parts of your body.

Pretty much the only positive I can think of is the sultry presence of Cassandra Gava, who, unlike Kim Coates, seems to be putting some genuine effort into her part - possibly just to make the time go by quicker. There is some genuine acting talent in here, but they are unsurprisingly not inspired to prove this at any time by the script to hand, preferring to let Dawna Wightman crank up the hysterics to 10.

Certainly, this isn't the first time I've asked myself why a film was made - I've seen 'Children Of The Corn VI', but 'The Amityville Curse' is definitely another head-scratcher. Its lazy, peripheral attempt to hang onto the coattails of the Amityville franchise only underscores a message we didn't need to learn - you can't staple a couple of Kraft singles to a tomato and call it a lasagne. Likewise, it isn't a decent horror film in its own right. If there truly is a curse here, it's brought to life every time someone decides to watch this thing.