Beethoven (1992)

Charles Grodin: George Newton

Photos 

Quotes 

• George : I really don't like our dog.

  Alice : I really don't like those people, George. I don't trust them. I don't want their money. I know my opinion doesn't matter, but I'm not interested in expanding. If I had been home instead of helping you impress those morons, Emily wouldn't have fallen in the pool. And I'm not re-entering the work force, George. You're gonna have to do this on your own. And you will. Somehow, you'll make your fortune. And tucked away behind you deep in the shadows will be me and the kids.

  George : That's how you see me. Suddenly, I'm a lousy husband and father. Everything was just fine until Beethoven came into our lives. I've tried to be patient, but I've had it. The dog has to go.

  Alice : I'm proud of Beethoven. Those two idiots insulted your kids, they treated me like dirt, and he was the only one of us who had the nerve to give them the ride they deserved. I'm going to bed.

  [she heads back inside] 

  George : My dream's going down the drain, and you're worried about a dog.

  Alice : Your family's going down the drain, and you're worried about a dream.

• George Newton : [the family is arguing about what to call the puppy]  This is ridiculous! It's a dog, he doesn't have preferences! You could call him Ding-Dong Head and he wouldn't know the difference!

  Emily Newton : Yes, he would! He'll tell us what he wants to be called.

  [Emily starts playing the famous four-note opening motif of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony on the piano. The puppy responds to it with barks] 

  George Newton : Beethoven.

• Dr. Varnick : Here for his shots?

  George Newton : Yes.

  Dr. Varnick : Well he'll be a little groggy this evening.

  George Newton : That'll be nice.

• Alice Newton : [Dr. Varnick has warned George about St. Bernards attacking people]  George, come on. Beethoven isn't even remotely dangerous. He'd never hurt the kids. He might take a bite out of you, though.

  George Newton : First snarl, any kind of weirdness and he's gone.

  Alice Newton : Weirdness? What should I watch for, hon? Wearing my clothes around the house?

• Reporter : Have you always been a dog lover?

  George Newton : Um, well, maybe not. Not as much as-as now, thank you.

• Alice Newton : Just change your pants, George.

  George Newton : I'm gonna change my pants, Alice. But if I change my pants, I gotta change my jacket! If I change my jacket, I gotta change my shirt! If I change my shirt, I gotta change my tie! I hafta change my belt! I gotta change my shoes! I gotta change my socks!

  Alice Newton : Just change your pants, George.

  [George throws his pants down to Alice] 

• [the Newtons discover that Dr. Varnick has been deceiving them; they barge into the veterinary surgery looking for Beethoven but he isn't there, despite the receptionist telling George earlier that they were going to keep him there overnight and put him down the next day] 

  George Newton : Where's my dog?

  Dr. Varnick : I don't have to answer your questions. You ordered that dog destroyed and it was done. Now get out.

  [George grips Varnick's collar] 

  Dr. Varnick : You hit me, I'll have you put in jail for assault and battery!

  [George lets go of Varnick. Then suddenly he punches him in the face, knocking him backwards into an empty animal cage] 

• George Newton : [driving Beethoven to the vet to be put down]  My dad had to take my dog to the vet to be put down. I hated him for it. Now I'm doing it myself. I know you don't believe me but I don't want to do this.

• George Newton : No matter how many showers I take I still smell Beethoven all over me.

• George Newton : We are "people" people here. I mean, we are goldfish people, uh, we're antfarm people. We're not dog people.

• [the kids want to keep the puppy, George doesn't] 

  George Newton : It's my decision. I mean, I have decided.

  Ryce Newton : I knew it.

  [a pause as George looks at his kids] 

  George Newton : You'd better think of something to name him because when I come home and he's destroyed my house, I wanna know what to call him!

• George Newton : [chasing Beethoven out of the house]  How dare you! How dare you! Are you crazy? Did you think you were gonna get away with it?

  [sees Beethoven crawl under the hole he dug back into his kennel] 

  George Newton : Oh, that's how you do it! I'll put a stop to that! You've ruined my life! You've ruined my furniture, you've ruined my clothes! My family likes you more than they like me! Why? All you do is drool and shed and eat! But you're never getting out of there again! Never! Do we understand each other? Do we?

  [the sprinklers come on, ending his rant] 

• George : [after Alice has fired Devonia for not watching all of the kids]  Honey, it was an accident!

  Alice : So what?

  George : We can't throw out the option of having a babysitter just because we had a bad one. We'll find somebody really responsible to look after the kids.

  Alice : Over my dead body.

• Alice Newton : [choosing a name out of a hat]  OK, the dog's name will be...

  [she takes out a piece of paper, but doesn't read it out loud and looks at George in silence] 

  George Newton : You asked for my input.

• George Newton : [Beethoven has got into George's bed and is licking his neck]  Oh, baby. Oh, baby. It's not even Saturday night. Oh, Alice, you drive me crazy. Is daddy's little girl being naughty tonight?

  Alice Newton : [has just walked into the room]  George who are you talking to?

  [George turns over and comes face-to-face with Beethoven] 

  George Newton : [Screams] 

• George Newton : We can't have a dog. We can't have a dog!

  Alice Newton : Honey, you can't show a child a puppy and then take it away two minutes later.

  George Newton : I didn't show a child a puppy. It's obviously lost. You occupy the kids, I'll run it down to the pound.

  Alice Newton : Oh, no. No way. If the owner doesn't claim it, it'll be destroyed. I'm not going to live with that.

  George Newton : If we keep it, the house will be destroyed!

  Alice Newton : Honey, it's just a dog. Millions of people have dogs.

  George Newton : Oh, no, not people like me! Dogs sniff, they lick, they chew, they drool, they scratch... Alice, they have parasites.

  Alice Newton : [sarcastically]  Oh, God, yeah...

  George Newton : The kids'll lose interest, I'll have to take care of it. It'll grow to be enormous, it'll take over the yard, the bushes will die and the lawn'll look terrible and when the dog finally settles down, it'll die. And everybody will so upset, we'll have to go get another puppy, the whole thing will start all over again. You understand?

  Alice Newton : No, honey, could you be more specific?

• Brie : Let us take you out to dinner. Are there any good restaurants in this burg?

  George Newton : [thinking]  Ah, restaurants, uh.

  Alice Newton : Why don't you just come over to our house? We can barbecue.

  George Newton : Come to our house, we'll barbecue.

  Brie : Barbecue? Let's live dangerously.

  George Newton : [laughs]  Well, our food may not be great but it's not dangerous!

  Brad : [laughing]  Well, I hope it's better than this espresso!

  [they laugh, George and Alice do forced laughter] 

• Emily Newton : [Mr. Newton looks at Dr. Varnick's "injured" arm]  I told you he was lying!

  George Newton : What the hell are you trying to pull?

• George Newton : He slimed me!

• [last lines] 

  George Newton : Good night, honey.

  Alice Newton : Good night.

  George Newton : Sleep tight. Good night, Beethoven.

  [the picture zooms out to reveal lots of other dogs sleeping in the bedroom] 

  Alice Newton : Good night, Sparky.

  George Newton : Good night, Mitch.

  Alice Newton : Good night, Murphy.

  George Newton : Good night, Sally.

  Alice Newton : Good night, Lacey.

  George Newton : Good night, Fred.

  Alice Newton : Good night, Eliot.

• Alice Newton : Well, instead of listening to some guy we've met only twice in our lives, maybe we should try listening to our own child.

  Alice Newton : Honey, please something doesn't make sense. Can't we just go down there and talk to him?

  George Newton : What do you want me to do?

  [George is mocking a conversation between him and Dr. Varnick] 

  George Newton : Uh, Dr. Varnick, are you sure you didn't hit our dog? Oh, yes, Mr. Newton, I just remembered, I did hit your dog.

  George Newton : C'mon!

  Alice Newton : You c'mon!

  Alice Newton : Please, it would make me feel better. Lets just go.

  [Ryce, Ted, and Emily opens the door and come outside] 

  Ryce Newton : I'm coming with you.

  Emily Newton : So am I.

  Ted Newton : We're all going with you.