Undercover Blues (1993)

Dennis Quaid: Jeff Blue

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jane Blue : Let me see if I understand this correctly. You took our child into a knife fight?

  Jeff Blue : It was a fair fight - two of them, two of us...

• Jeff Blue : [answering phone]  Y-ello.

  Muerte : This is Blue?

  Jeff Blue : Speaking...

  Muerte : Do you remember me?

  Jeff Blue : Well, you have a really sexy voice. But hey, I'm a happily married man.

  Muerte : Well, you'll be a dead man soon.

  Jeff Blue : [laughing]  Who is this again?

  Muerte : This is Muerte.

  Jeff Blue : Morty!

  Muerte : No! No Morty! MUERTE! "DEATH"!

  Jeff Blue : Yeah right, death...

  Muerte : That's right. I'm gonna come for you man. I'm gonna come for you, and I'm gonna kill you, okay and...

  Jeff Blue : Hey hey hey Morty, Morty, Morty, it's late. What's the bottom line here?

  Muerte : The bottom line? The bottom line is you're gonna die man... Ugly, okay?

  Jeff Blue : Look Morty, do me a favor, okay? Don't call here any more unless you want to have, like, a serious conversation, alright?

  [hangs up on him] 

• Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer : There was an attempted mugging half a block from here tonight.

  Jeff Blue : Really?

  Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer : The victim got away.

  Jeff Blue : Oh, good.

  Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer : You don't know nothing about that?

  Jeff Blue : No, I don't think so.

  Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer : You match the description of the intended victim: a man with a baby stroller.

  Det. Sgt. Halsey : And we got us a bag lady that says she saw the man enter this hotel.

  Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer : And the desk clerk says that man was you.

  Jeff Blue : Well, that certainly narrows it down, doesn't it?

• Jeff Blue : See Mommy picking the big lock? Someday, when you're a big girl, she'll teach you how to pick locks. Of course, she may still be picking *this* one.

• Jeff Blue : [to Frank]  Did we ever thank you for that crib blanket?

  Jane Blue : Oh no, honey, the White House sent the crib blanket. Frank sent the Fisher-Price Barnyard.

  Jeff Blue : You sent that? Aw, do you know those cows really moo?

  Jane Blue : Jeff plays with it day and night.

• Jeff Blue : Oh, hi guys. Hey, you can go to a strip joint. We're just going to spend a quiet evening at home.

  Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer : Oh, thanks. We appreciate that, *Mr.* Blue.

  Jane Blue : Oh, anything we can do to make your lives easier.

  Det. Sgt. Halsey : Isn't the baby a little young for dolls?

  Jeff Blue : Oh, it's for me. It's a post-feminist doll.

  Jane Blue : Yeah. Goes to work with little sneakers on, but resents it.

  Jeff Blue : See ya.

  Jane Blue : Night.

  Det. Sgt. Halsey : Bye.

  [to Ted] 

  Det. Sgt. Halsey : You know, they're really very interesting people.

• Sawyer : What did you say you did for a living?

  Jeff Blue : I'm an airline pilot.

  Sawyer : I thought you said you were a vacuum cleaner salesman.

  Jeff Blue : Well if you knew, why did you ask?

• Jeff Blue : Oh, hi, Morty.

  Muerte : Muerte. MUERTE! For death! You die today!

  Jeff Blue : Right.

  [Muerte begins to make some very elaborate moves while holding a knife] 

  Jeff Blue : You know that looks really great on TV, but in real life you get better results if you just kind of hold it like this and...

  Muerte : Shut up! SHUT UP!

  Jeff Blue : Do you always have this much problem with a little constructive criticism?

• Jane Blue : [to Sawyer]  Jeff's a lousy shot. He had to bribe the examiner at the FBI.

  Jeff Blue : That's a lie. I bribed the guy at the CIA. I *blackmailed* the guy at the FBI.

• Jane Blue : [crawls in the bedroom window of the hotel, begins to take off the bag lady costume]  You know, I don't believe men.

  [takes out fake teeth] 

  Jane Blue : You know three guys tried to pick me up, tonight?

  Jeff Blue : Oh well, I can understand that.

  Jane Blue : You can?

  Jeff Blue : Yeah.

  Jane Blue : My mother was right about you.

  [she continues removing pieces of clothing] 

  Jane Blue : So, did she wake up?

  Jeff Blue : Just once, around midnight, just wanted to be held. So, so, so, tell me, tell me; how'd it go? Did Morty go for it?

  Jane Blue : [lifts her shirt and lets the fake stomach fall away]  Of course he went for it.

  [she removes her wig] 

  Jane Blue : God, I am so tired...

  Jeff Blue : [he flips across the bed and grabs her before she can remove any more of her costume, while making a negative grunting sound, and then pulls her down onto the bed and climbs on top of her]  Keep the makeup on!

  Jane Blue : Why?

  Jeff Blue : [grins]  I don't know, it's kind of a... a turn on!

  Jane Blue : Yaaahhhh! You disgust me!

  [playfully hits Jeff and wrestles with him] 

• Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer : Oh, cute baby! Boy or girl?

  Jeff Blue : Gosh, I hope so!

• Muerte : My name... is MUERTE!

  Jeff : Nice to meet you Morty, my name is Jeff.

• Jeff Blue : You know what's funny? That gray van over there.

  Jane Blue : Funny ha-ha or funny interesting?

• Jane Blue : [whispering to Jeff in the hall after they've return to find their hotel room door open]  One man on the couch, reading.

  Jeff Blue : A *literate* burglar? How refreshing!

• Jeff Blue : Growing up on the mean streets...

  Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer : What mean streets? You're from Nebraska.

• Leamington : I want you to get up from the table very, very slowly.

  Jeff Blue : "Very, very?" Not just "very?"

• Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer : My source at the FBI said they didn't think you were, and I quote, "Bureau material."

  Jeff Blue : That's true. I'm more of an end table.

  Jane Blue : I always thought of you as a dining room chair.

  Jeff Blue : Really? I see you as a rosewood armoire with really nice drawers.

• Jane Blue : [Jane has just disarmed Muerte and thrown him into a wall, knocking him senseless]  I can't leave you alone for a minute.

  Jeff Blue : This wasn't my fault.

  Jane Blue : Nothing's ever your fault. You gonna kill him?

  Jeff Blue : Aren't we bloodthirsty today? I told you not to drink all that coffee.

• Jeff Blue : Darling, do the oysters come with guns?

• Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer : What just happened here?

  Jeff Blue : I'd say it was a domestic disturbance.

  Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer : A domestic disturbance?

  Jeff Blue : Yeah like on the Honeymooners. You remember how Ralph used to fight with Alice.

  Det. Sgt. Halsey : I don't recollect Ralph using semi-automatic weapons.

  Jane Blue : But Norton sometimes did. And Mrs. Manacotti on the third floor, wow what a temper.

• Jeff Blue : Damn! Nothing but money.

• Jane Blue : We can tell you part of the story.

  Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer : You can tell me all of the story.

  Jeff Blue : Part or nothing.

  Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer : Well, how about we bust your ass for B and E.

  Jane Blue : Well, how about we talk to that nice governor of yours.

  Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer : [beat]  Okay, tell me part of the story.

  Jeff Blue : Well, it's hard to know where to begin. My father was a steam fitter, and...

  Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer : Come on man, the *relevant* part.

• Vern Newman : What line are you in?

  Jeff Blue : Brain surgery. *Professional* brain surgery.

• Paulina Novacek : You're a very valuable commodity. Think what the Libyans would pay for your knowledge of American Intelligence. Or the Chinese. Or the Colombians. I think quite a lot of money, Mr. Blue.

  Jeff Blue : You see? Most people *do* like me.

• Jeff Blue : [Muerte pulls out a knife and is about to attack Jeff]  This is a bad idea, Morty...

• Jeff Blue : You should have seen these guys, complete amateurs. Biggest risk was I'd fall down laughing and hurt myself.

• Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer : You think you're smarter than we are.

  Jeff Blue : Oh, not much.

• [several goons pull their guns on Jeff and Jane] 

  Leamington : Don't make any sudden movements.

  Jeff Blue : Why not? Is there a bee on me?

• Paulina Novacek : Take his gag off.

  Muerte : My name is Morty!

  Jeff Blue : Muerte.

  Muerte : I kill you.

  Paulina Novacek : Enough! Somebody find out who this man is and then kill him!

• Jeff Blue : [after Jane has beaten up Paulina]  We're naming the kid Jane Louise. Period.

• Jeff Blue : FBI! You're under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. If you give up that right you may talk, sing, dance, impersonate Elvis or anything else you like. You have the right to an attorney. If you're broke and can't afford one, tough shit! Now get in the car you suspected felon you!

  Mr. Ferderber : Wait, wait. What am I being charged with?

  Jeff Blue : That's for me to know and you to find out.

• Jeff Blue : Better put something on, the cops are coming.

  Jane Blue : The cops are coming?

  Jeff Blue : Yeah, you know big badges, blue uniforms.

• Frank : You said you'd help out a little.

  Jeff Blue : Novacek's not "a little," Frank. She's a psycho.

• Jane Blue : [Muerte has been disarmed and Jeff has his arm in a hold when Jane approaches them, carrying shopping bags]  Now what?

  Jeff Blue : Oh, hi, hon. You remember, I told you about Morty. Morty, this is Jane.

  [pushes Muerte towards Jane] 

  Jane Blue : Oh, hi, Morty, look it's nice to meet you, but we've just got so much shopping to do...

  Muerte : [pulls another switchblade from his boot and points it at her]  Shut up! Shut up! You die too!

  Jane Blue : Oh for God's sakes...

• Jeff Blue : [Jeff and Jane have broken into a dead man's house to search it]  That's funny.

  Jane Blue : What?

  Jeff Blue : A shoe.

  Jane Blue : And?

  Jeff Blue : It's got a foot in it.

• Jeff Blue : I was walking at 8 months.

  Jane Blue : You were walking at a year and a half. Your mother was ready to call in specialists.

• Paulina Novacek : You haven't changed. Have I?

  Jeff Blue : Only your men.

• Paulina Novacek : [to Jeff after capturing him and Sawyer]  You are still having such a wonderful body.

  Jeff Blue : Thank you. What do you think of the Lieutenant here?

  Sawyer : Will you shut up?

• Jeff Blue : [while Muerte is in a tree in an alligator pit wearing only his shirt and socks]  Tell you what, I'm gonna go for help.

  Muerte : No, please. Please, no, don't leave me! Don't leave me Blue. No, no please don't leave me!

  Jeff Blue : Don't worry. Can I get you anything, Morty? Some coffee?

  Muerte : No, I'm fine Blue, no coffee for me. Just hurry up, please! Bye! Thank you!

  Jeff Blue : Ta-ta.

  Muerte : Ta-ta!

• Jeff Blue : You can go home and clean up, Lieutenant. It's over.

  Sawyer : No plans to invade Cuba while you're in the neighborhood?

• Jeff Blue : [after handing over his wallet and watch to Muerte and Ozzie]  Are we finished? Can I go?

  [beat] 

  Jeff Blue : Look we had a deal: You commit a felony, I go.

• Jeff Blue : [after easily defeating the mugger]  It's a very fortunate thing for you my wife wasn't here.

• [to Jeff, who is waiting in the lobby disguised as a newspaper reporter] 

  Foster : You here to see me?

  Jeff Blue : [stands to greet Foster]  Ah yes! Mr. Foster! I'm Hidley Johnson, I'm with the Chicago Herald? I'm doing a story on the theft of defense secrets.

  Foster : [gets nervous and fidgety]  Ah! I'm Sorry! I have absolutely no comment to make on this matter!

  Jeff Blue : Really?

  Foster : Mm Hmm!

  Jeff Blue : Well, hows about a nice big *photo* of yourself?

  [He quickly snaps a bunch of pictures with his camera] 

  Foster : Oh God!

  [tries to cover up his face with his hands] 

  Foster : I think you should leave Sir! Right Now!

  [Jeff smirks and leaves] 

  Foster : [goes into the recording room]  Bring up the recording, the one from reception!

  [nervously sighs] 

  Foster : [the operator pulls up the tape and rewinds it so the camera has captured Jeff Blue's face smiling at the camera]  Stop it right there!

  [Foster presses a button on the control panel to print a screen capture. He nervously picks up the telephone and dials] 

  Foster : Mr. Ferd... Ferderber please? Yeah, I'll wait. Uh. Yeah.

  [He picks up the printout] 

  Foster : Oh God!

• Jane Blue : [while Meurte is floating on a life preserver in the ocean]  Is there anything I can get for you? You know; coffee, tea?

  Muerte : [considers the offer]  Coffee? Tea? No, no, I'm fine, thank you very much. Just get me the hell out of here, please!

  Jeff Blue : Morty.

  Muerte : What?

  Jeff Blue : Ta-ta.

  Muerte : [whimpering]  Ta-ta.

  Jeff Blue : [Jane and Jeff sit back down at the helm of the ship]  Now, which way is Cuba?

  [Jane makes a face, then points to their left. He turns the wheel in that direction] 

  Muerte : [shouts from the water]  No, no, that's the wrong way! Please, come back! No, the land is back there behind you! Where are you going? Blue, no!

• Jane Blue : [to Ted]  You wait here.

  Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer : No way!

  Jeff Blue : Ted, Jane's an expert in martial arts even I can't pronounce. She can kill you three different ways without even using her hands. Do what she says.

  Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer : [after Jeff and Jane drive off]  Maybe I'll wait here.

• Jeff Blue : [about Novacek]  She's fretful. She's nervous.

  Jane Blue : You're describing a baby with colic.

• Jeff Blue : I never get to be the bad cop.

  Jane Blue : That's because you could never keep a straight face.

• Jeff Blue : [after finding the body of the man they were supposed to meet]  I guess he got here early.

• Frank : C-22

  Jeff Blue : C-what?

  Jane Blue : Plastic explosive. The most powerful plastic ever developed. So unstable even the army won't use it.

  Jeff Blue : Oh, *that* C-22.

• Sawyer : Those are police cuffs. You can't get them off with a bobby pin!

  Jane Blue : [as she's unlocking Jeff's handcuffs]  You're absolutely right.

  Jeff Blue : Oh thanks, hon.

  Jane Blue : Want me to work on yours?

  Sawyer : Yeah, please.

• Sawyer : Look we gotta get out of here. Now follow me!

  Jane Blue : [mimicking his tone and intensity]  "Follow me?"

  Jeff Blue : Oh, give him his moment in the sun.

  Jane Blue : *What* sun?

• Jane Blue : [first lines - to her baby]  Oh, don't you love New Orleans?

  Jeff Blue : [to the baby]  Hey! Yeah, come on over here and dance with me, huh?

• Jane Blue : [as Jeff goes to leave out the garden doors]  I love you very much.

  Jeff Blue : [he stops]  You really do?

  Jane Blue : [she feigns that she's admitting it begrudgingly]  More and more and more every day.

  Jeff Blue : You know what's funny?

  Jane Blue : What?

  Jeff Blue : [he walks back over to her]  That's exactly how I feel.

  [he kisses her]