The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (1994)

Hugo Weaving: Tick, Mitzi

Photos 

69 more photos

Quotes 

• Bernadette : No, I'll join this conversation on the proviso that we stop bitching about people, talking about wigs, dresses, bust sizes, penises, drugs, night clubs, and bloody Abba!

  Tick : Doesn't give us much to talk about then, does it?

• Tick : [to Felicia]  Is it true when you were born the doctor turned around and slapped your mother?

• Tick : [Tick and Bernadette are discussing what it would be like to have children]  What happens if they turn out like Adam?

  Bernadette : You stuff 'em back in and ask for a refund.

• Mitzi : [to Felicia]  You know, there are two things I don't like about you, Felicia... your face. So how 'bout shutting both of them?

• Bernadette : Oh. Uh, gather around girls, uh, let me show you a trick. You, um, drink the Gin...

  [guzzles the entire contents] 

  Bernadette : Aaah! Uh, fill the bottle up with water and then put it back in the fridge.

  Mitzi : Va-t'en vous. What about the scotch?

  Bernadette : Aha! That's where the complimentary tea bags come in handy.

• Bernadette : We've only recently discovered that young Anthony here, bats for both teams.

  Mitzi : I do not!

  Felicia : Oh, so we're straight?

  Mitzi : No.

  Felicia : Oh, we're not. So we're a donut puncher, after all?

  Mitzi : No.

  Felicia : Then what the hell are we?

  Mitzi : I don't fuckin' know.

• Mitzi : [about Trumpet]  , You know, I never heard him play.

  Bernadette : Play? He didn't *play*, dear. Trumpet didn't have a single musical bone in his body. No, Trumpet had an unusually large foreskin. So large, in fact, that he could wrap the entire thing around a Monte Carlo biscuit.

• Felicia : I mean who is the fish that runs this bloody hotel in the middle of nowhere, anyway? Your mother?

  Tick : No, my wife.

  Felicia : Ooh, don't tell me you've got an ex-boyfriend tucked away out here somewhere.

  Tick : No, my wife! I'm married.

  [the bus brakes screech and glass shatters] 

  Tick : Oh, fuck!

• Mitzi : [to Felicia]  Bernice has left her cake out in the rain!

• Doctor : Mr. Belrose?

  Tick : Yes?

  Doctor : Congratulations. It's a boy.

• Felicia : There goes the transsexual, last seen heading south. We called her Bernie, but her real name was...

  Tick : Adam?

• Bernadette : Tony, Adam. This is Mr. and Mrs. Spencer.

  Tick : Hello.

  Felicia : Hello.

  [the car drives off leaving them stranded] 

  Felicia : No, wait. Stop! Shit!.

• Aboriginal Man : So... You actually make money by dressing up like a woman?

  Tick : Oh, sure. You can make a fine living in a pair of heels.

• Tick : [to Felicia]  Night, John Boy.

• Mitzi : [as Felicia starts painting over the graffiti on their bus, which is stranded in the middle of nowhere]  Purple?

  Felicia : It's not *purple*, it's *lavender*. Whaddaya think?

  Mitzi : It's nice... in a hideous sort of a way.

  Mitzi : [to Bernadette, who has started walking off]  Where are *you* going?

  Bernadette : If you think I'm going to sit around watching Picasso take on the public transit system, you've got another thing coming. I'll be back with the cavalry in a couple of hours.

• Mitzi : [to Felicia and Bernadette]  Oh, get back in your kennels, both of you.

• Mitzi : [to Felicia and Bernadette]  What fun. Baby bottles of booze.

• Mitzi : [to Felicia and Bernadette]  Tack-a-rama!

• [after their bus breaks down in the middle of the outback] 

  Tick : What's happening?

  Felicia : Um, I don't know.

  Bernadette : Oh, my God! Oh, Felicia. Where the Fuckawei?

• Tick : What do you assume I do? Lie?

  Marion : Assumption, my dear Mitz, is the mother of all fuck-ups.

• Felicia : [after showing him the bus he had bought for their trip]  Ta-da! What do you think?

  Tick : When do we have to return it to the school?

• [last lines] 

  Tick : No that's enough. Oh, my tits are falling down.

  [explosions] 

  Tick : Jesus! Thank you! Thank you, it's good to be home!

• Tick : Well, listen to this one. After we did the ABBA show, Kevin had one of those liposuction penis enlargements.

  Felicia : He didn't?

  Tick : Yep. Do you know what they do? They siphon all the fat out of your love handles, and actually inject it into your wing-wang.

  Felicia : Ugh! Yucky! I suppose it gives a whole new meaning to "cracking a fat", though, doesn't it?

  [laughs] 

• Tick : [to Felicia and Bernadette]  I think we just crashed a party.

• Felicia : Who taught you to waltz?

  Tick : My wife.

  Felicia : Oh, how sweet.

• Tick : [to Felicia and Bernadette]  Aren't we fabulous?

• Bernadette : [dryly, eying the huge landscape murals in their hotel room]  Subtle.

  Mitzi : Oh, tack-a-rama! Who the hell does all the *painting* around here?

  Bernadette : Someone with no arms or right foot, by the look of things.

• Tick : [to Bernadette]  I've um... been asked to do a show out of town.

• Bernadette : How long is the run?

  Tick : Four weeks. Equity minimum, two shows a night, accommodation included.

• Tick : [to Bernadette]  Look, you're not helping, here. Just eat your hormones.

• Tick : [to Felicia]  You stupid bloody idiot! Drugs, for Christ's sake! Well, three cheers for you! I hope you're bloody well happy now! You bloody fuck wit!

• Felicia : [after Tick passes out]  Come on, snap out of it. You'll be fine. Come on, love.

  Tick : [coming to]  Oh...

  Bob : That's it, mate. You scared us all for a minute.

  Felicia : Just had to have that extra bit of attention, didn't you? Nice one, lovey. Nice one.

• Mitzi : Come on girls, off your snatches. Rehearsal time.

• Tick : [to Felicia]  What sort of bent-childhood... did you have, Adam Whitely?

• Tick : [to Bob]  Well, are we bunny-hopping all the way to Alice?