Canadian Bacon (1995)

Rip Torn: General Dick Panzer

Photos 

Quotes 

• General Panzer : What do you want to do, sir? About Russia, sir?

  U.S. President : Yeah, why don't we call up and find out who's in charge over there this week.

• General Panzer : Why don't we just go up there with a strike force and knock out their infrastructure quicker than you can say collateral damage?

  Smiley : No!

  U.S. President : Oh no, no.

  General Panzer : Why not?

  U.S. President : Yeah, yeah, why not?

  Smiley : Because a war with Canada would be over in a matter of days. Do you remember Grenada? They didn't even wake Reagan up.

  General Panzer : Didn't have to.

  Smiley : And all we found there were a bunch of rich American med school rejects and a couple Cuban construction workers

  General Panzer : That's liberal bullshit! Cuba had a division in there.

  Smiley : What about Panama? A couple of days of blasting Def Leppard over loud speakers and Noriega ran out weeping. And Iraq, ha! They were supposed to have this big bad army.

  General Panzer : They had the biggest cannon, invented by a Canadian.

  Smiley : In 72 hours after we invade they're begging for a Big Mack.

  General Panzer : They stopped us a hundred miles short of Baghdad and we just sat there waving our dicks in the desert.

  Smiley : Mr. President do you want more of that, or 50 years of Cold War prosperity because Joe Schmo American is scared shitless the world's gonna end before the next commercial.

  U.S. President : Well, I think I like Mr. Smiley's approach.

• General Panzer : Let me level with you, sir. I would destroy any nation - even my own - if my president gave the order.

• Smiley : How do you know that was a nuclear facility?

  General Panzer : Well, they tricked us on that one. That's a hospital. But it's a hell of a strike!

• Secretary of State : We were thinking, what could be a bigger threat than aliens invading from space?

  General Panzer : Ooh boy! Scare the shit out of everyone. Even me, sir!

  U.S. President : Jesus, is this the best you could come up with? What about, ya know, international terrorism?

  General Panzer : Well, sir, we're not going to re-open missile factories just to fight some creeps running around in exploding rental cars, are we, sir?