North (1994)

Bruce Willis: Narrator

Photos 

Quotes 

• Joey Fingers : A bird in the hand is always greener than the grass under the other guy's bushes. It's a metaphor used by gardeners and landscaping people in general.

• Joey Fingers : Remember, kid, if you can't stand the heat, stay out of Miami.

  North : What metaphor is that?

  Joey Fingers : What metaphor? You ever been down there in August? Your balls stick to your leg like crazy glue.

• North : What are you? Some kind of guardian angel?

  Narrator : Well, I guess you can say that, because in a manner of speaking we at Federal Express feel that we are guardians. Guardians of your most important packages and priority communique.

• North : What are you doing here?

  Gabby : Well, I finished all my chores, I thought I'd get a little shootin' in.

  North : No, I mean, have you ever been an Easter Bunny?

  Gabby : Easter Bunny?

  Pa Tex : Careful, Son, Gabby's killed men for less than that.

  North : Oh, sorry.

  Gabby : No harm done.

• North : How can Labor Day be next week? I just got here.

  Sleigh Driver : You walked from your house to the ice floes, right? It's a 10-week walk, even with the wind at your back.

  North : No wonder we stopped for lunch 49 times.

  Sleigh Driver : It's that six-months-of-daylight thing. It throws everybody off. I myself only showered 12 times during the '70s.

• Federal Express Truck Driver : If you absolutely, positively have to get home by tomorrow morning, you've come to the right truck.

• Gabby : We got a saying out here: Sometimes when you're panning for gold, you gotta try more than one stream.

• [after being introduced to...] 

  Joey Fingers : "North". Always been one of my favorite directions.