Flirting with Disaster (1996)

Richard Jenkins: Paul Harmon

Photos 

Quotes 

• Agent Paul : You do know it is a federal offense to destroy a United States Post Office?

• Agent Paul : Is this a musical table?

• Agent Tony : We're riding in two cars until we get to the B and B, Paul. That's not an agenda.

  Mel : Let's just hit the road, okay?

  Nancy Coplin : [to Mel]  You don't mind if he rides with you, right?

  Mel : Why can't he ride with you?

  Agent Paul : [to Tony]  Do you see what you're doing to me?

  Agent Tony : Ride with us. I don't care. Ride with us.

  Agent Paul : Oh, that's so generous of you, Tony. You know, I think I'll ride will illicit couple number two.

• Mary Schlichting : How do you feel?

  Agent Paul : Vivid. I'm seeing colors I don't want to see.

• Agent Paul : You can't catch the wind!

• Tina : Do you worry about the risk factor involved in gay sex?

  Agent Paul : You know, it may be news to you, but not every gay man has, uh, anal sex. That's where a lot of the HIV risk lies.

  Agent Tony : For example, I'm very anal. Uh, I-I mean, in, uh, in the sense... that I'm compulsively careful and clean about what touches my body. Not into penetration, at all.

  Mel : Okay, do we have to talk about this right now?

  Nancy Coplin : Well, why not? Are you a homophobic?

  Mel : No, I...

  Nancy Coplin : I think it's interesting.

  Mel : Really? Well, I think in front of the baby we shouldn't.

  Agent Paul : Nancy's just testing the risk factor for sex with Tony, Mel.

  Mel : What?

  Agent Tony : Paul, don't patronize her.

  Agent Paul : I'm not patronizing her.

  Agent Tony : She knows that I came of age in the era of AIDS... and even though I'm bisexual I've been incredibly careful, okay? Tested negative three times in the last seven months.

  Nancy Coplin : Really?

  Agent Paul : Runway ready for takeoff.

  Agent Tony : If I remember correctly. Yeah, three times.

• Sheriff : Bobby, take these forms back to the office, these release forms and get these nice people their car keys. This is all over here. This is a Federal agent here, and he just told me the whole story about the Shlytings.

  Mr. Coplin : Schlitinooks.

  Sheriff : Shitkings.

  Mrs. Coplin : No, Schlichtings

  Sheriff : Well, anyway, it's clear that we have the wrong people here.

  Mel : That's what I've been trying to tell this guy for the last half hour.

  Mrs. Coplin : Thank God for this Federal agent. And by the way, w-w-why are you not wearing pants?

  Agent Paul : I had an experience, that's why.

  Mrs. Coplin : What do you mean?

  Agent Paul : I resisted at first, and then it evolved and it continues to evolve for me.

  Mrs. Coplin : I don't know what the hell he's talking about, but I got some jewelery somewhere, if you please.

• Agent Paul : Without spontaneity, the world of B&B's is fairly meaningless.