- [some time after Dr. Warner was electrocuted]
- Dr. Newman: Hello, Alf, I'm Dr. Newman.
- ALF: No need to ask who you're replacing.
- Dr. Newman: We're going to try a little game called numeric sequencing.
- ALF: Does involve electric shock?
- Dr. Newman: Absolutely not.
- ALF: Forgive me if I'm still paranoid, there's still a silhouette burned into the linoleum.
- [the military is playing a video of one of the tests done on ALF]
- ALF: This one is definitely the Pepsi.
- [Mullican and Hill have kidnapped ALF and put him in a mail bag]
- Dr. Mullican: Don't look now, the mail's awake.
- ALF: What's going on? Oh, wait, now I remember, I'm being kidnapped by humans. There's a switch.
- ALF: [ALF is strapped into an electric chair] I take it this isn't the word association test.
- Dr. Warner: No, no. We're going to conduct a different test.
- ALF: I'm not sure I like the word 'conduct'.
- Dr. Warner: [after ALF looks at a High Voltage sign] Oh, pay no attention to that sign, it shouldn't even be there. I'll remove it if it bothers you.
- ALF: It bothers me.
- [Warner gets electrocuted when trying to remove the sign and falls over]
- ALF: [as Warner begins to sizzle on the floor] Medic. Medic.
- Dr. Mockton: Hello, I'm Mockton. I'm going to show you some inkblots.
- ALF: Does this involve electric shock?
- Dr. Mockton: Let's not start that again.
- ALF: I'm a bit curious about the "Don't ask, don't tell" policy here in the military.
- Dr. Carnage: What about it?
- ALF: Well it assume it's worked to you advantage.
- Dr. Carnage: [to the camera] Stop the tape.
- Dr. Stanley: Let's try some word association. I'll say a word and you say whatever pops into your mind.
- ALF: Food.
- Dr. Stanley: I haven't said anything yet.
- ALF: Nothing interesting, at least.
- Dr. Stanley: Sit.
- ALF: I am sitting.
- Dr. Stanley: No, that's the first word: sit.
- ALF: Oh, um... food.
- Dr. Stanley: Sunrise.
- ALF: Breakfast.
- Dr. Stanley: Square.
- ALF: Meal.
- Dr. Stanley: Left.
- ALF: Overs.
- Dr. Stanley: Should we stop and get you something to eat.
- ALF: I could use a little snack.
- [after watching footage of Alf in a crash test]
- Maj. Melissa Hill: That crash test is the perfect example of the cruel and inhumane punishment Alf has been subjected to, Mr. Chairmen.
- Col. Gilbert Milfoil: He had an airbag, it just didn't work.
- ALF: [Rick is angrily venting his contempt for Dexter Moyers] Rick, I've never seen you like this.
- Dr. Mullican: Nah, I just don't like the guy, is all.
- ALF: No, I mean from this angle... and I thought I had a lot of nose hair.