Waiting for Guffman (1996)
Fred Willard: Ron Albertson
Photos
Quotes
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Ron Albertson : We consider ourselves bi-costal if you consider the Mississippi River one of the coasts.
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Ron Albertson : If there's an empty space, just fill it with a line, that's what I like to do. Even if it's from another show.
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Ron Albertson : Some people find it ironical that although we run a travel agency, we've never been outside of Blaine.
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Ron Albertson : I had to have penis reduction surgery.
Dr. Allan Pearl : Penis *reduction*?
Sheila : I said to him, "Ron, you've gotta do something!" And he says to me, "Well, why don't you get one of those vagina enlargements?"
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[the Pearls and the Albertsons are dining at the Chop Suey Chinese kitchen]
Ron Albertson : Let me ask you something. You're a medical man.
Dr. Allan Pearl : Yes.
Ron Albertson : Uh... I wanna ask you something... if you... you...
[stands up, prepares to drop trousers]
Dr. Allan Pearl : [Horrified] Oh!
Ron Albertson : No, I, I...
Dr. Allan Pearl : Oh, for heaven's sake, no, noooooo...
Ron Albertson : Look, no please, I just want...
Dr. Allan Pearl : No!
Mrs. Allan Pearl : You don't have to do that...
Ron Albertson : Doctor, please...
Dr. Allan Pearl : Mmmmmedicine Man not go near Dances With Stumpy! Noooo!
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[Ron and Sheila are extras in some kind of Hollywood western]
Ron Albertson : I'd wish they'd at least give us a line. I made some suggestions...
Sheila : We should be line-DANCING.
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Ron Albertson : You know, in China they'll kill a monkey at the table and split its head open and eat the brains right out of it.
