Dharma & Greg (1997–2002)

Jenna Elfman: Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Dharma : [answering Greg's cell phone, after having slept with Greg]  Greg's pants. He's not in them right now.

• Dharma : Silly, you don't sleep in the rain, you make love in the rain!

  Greg : Ahhh!

  [pause] 

  Greg : What if there's lightning?

  Dharma : Then *you* get to be on top!

• Dharma : You're gonna be a great Dad!

  Greg : How do you know? How am I gonna know what to do?

  Dharma : Oh, you'll watch what I do. You'll totally disapprove and do the complete opposite.

• Greg : Were you this sarcastic before we met or is this something I have done?

  Dharma : A little you, a little your mother.

• Dharma : ...but that doesn't change the fact that we have no money.

  Marci : Maybe not, but we've got love.

  Dharma : Well, I could try to pay the phone bill with love, but I think it's a felony.

  Marci : Actually, prostitution is only a misdemeanor.

  Dharma : Great, that takes care of the phone bill!

• Dharma : Welcome to the Pompous Room. May I check Madame's pole, or will she be keeping it up her butt?

• Greg : Justice Department

  Treasury Officer : Treasury Department

  Dharma : San Francisco Library

  Jane Deaux : Organ Donor

• Dharma : Your mother is a lusty volcano waiting to erupt!

  Greg : Okay, we have to establish some ground rules here. We never use the words mother, lusty and erupt in the same sentence.

• Dharma : [about running opponent Karen Love]  It's her name. I mean, how can you *not* vote for "care and love"? Guess I might as well change my name to "lower taxes and free balloons for all the kids."

• Larry : Hey, Kitty saw me naked.

  Dharma : Me too.

  [they high five] 

• Dharma : Yeah, yeah, blah, blah! Here, have some cake.

• Dharma : George, have I changed?

  George : I don't know, but you could have mentioned that you moved. I scared the hell out of some skinny guy in the shower!

• Dharma : [standing on the roof with a news helicopter overhead]  I celebrate nature's awakening from her winter slumber! This is my dance to the spring!

  [takes her robe off] 

  Greg : [watching the news downstairs] 

  [yells] 

  Greg : Dharmaaaaaaaa!

  [runs out] 

  TV News Reporter : [from the TV]  My God, I *love* this job!

• Greg : [while Abby is dealing tarot cards]  Can we just get this over with? Hit me.

  Dharma : [looks at the card]  *Death*!

  Greg : Hit me again.

  Abigail Kathleen 'Abby' O'Neil : Now, Dharma, "death" doesn't always mean death. Sometimes it just means a change is coming.

  Greg : Yeah! Like a haircut.

  Dharma : [yells]  I didn't dream you died in a fiery haircut!

• Greg : What do you think?

  Dharma : Well, I think that one of us should go talk to your Dad, and I think you should go talk to your Mom.

  Greg : I know what you just did.

  Dharma : Me too! Go with God!

• Greg : What are you doing?

  Dharma : Wait a second, can you see me?

  Greg : Yes.

  Dharma : Oh, I totally misunderstood that groom-can't-see-the-bride-in-her-wedding-dress-thing.

• Dharma : [to Greg]  Who sprinkled YOU with horny dust this morning?

• Greg : Justice Department.

  Treasury Officer : Treasury Department.

  Dharma : San Francisco Library.

• Dharma : One time when I was babysitting your monkey, I took him to a fancy party without telling you.

  Jane Deaux : Is that where he started smoking again?

  Dharma : MmmHmm...

  Jane Deaux : Do you know how hard it is to get a nicotine patch to stick to a monkey?

• Jane Deaux : What's that? It smells like you're frying vomit!

  Dharma : Close. I'm making a great big pot of Haggis

  Jane Deaux : What have you been drinking?

  Dharma : Scotch! Which was invented by the great Scotsman, Angus McBarf when his wife told him what was for dinner.

• Dharma : Honey, are you OK?

  Greg : I'm fine. I'm just lying here trying to decide whether your father is a hole surrounded by ass.

• Greg : You wanna have children?

  Dharma : Yeah, unless you wanna have 'em!

• Dharma : George! I'm so glad to see you! How are you?

  George : Still dead, otherwise good.

• Greg : *I* went to boarding school, it's not the worst thing in the world!

  Dharma : Excuse me! Aren't you the person who said that boarding school is the worst thing in the world?

• Kitty : What are you doing here? You can't see her in her dress!

  Dharma : See, that's what I thought!

• Dharma : [while searching through their dead neighbor's belongings]  Aha! See? Unfinished business!

  Greg : [looks at the piece of paper]  She's tethered to this earthly plane because she didn't pick up her dry-cleaning?

  Dharma : *You* would be.